Year-round Yuletide oddities
At the end of their ropes, these singers perpetuate the vicious cycle of nanny nanny boo boos.
Santa gets angry in ninjahedgehog’s BLUE ALERT rap “$anta Clau$.” This silliness is all naughty, no nice.
Surf rock takes the sting out of this vitriol! Make Like Monkeys catch Santa visiting and make him a hostage until he answers the simple question: “What U Got?” High pressure intimidating sitch (with a sorta happy ending).
Bad words hurt and can be a crime. But, when it’s Christmas we forgive everyone mean-minded, bigoted, mouth poisons! (right?)
Marshal Keep exhibits a hair trigger in his peppy pop “Jingle the Red Nosed Halls Christmas Tree.” Brace yourself.
“My Christmas Wish” is faux metal from James H. Carter II. Aspiring to metal requires a certain menace. It’s in there, with reason (stole his tree!).
Salvador Buttersworth gets into it with the family in “Christmas on Love Avenue.” In this folk strummer he actually does turn the car around.
Moving on from misfortunes and moodiness onto violence means a stop at assault, or the threat of violence. Why so hard, man? does someone need a hug?
By way of James Brown’s abusive ‘Papa Don’t Take No Mess,’ Nikolas Marikos imposes a holiday strongman with his critical eye on you in the super funky “Santa don’t Take No Mess.” does that can of whoop-ass fit in a stocking?
Also bearing the same can, the antagonist in Butt (Amy Froggpockets and Mario Seaweed)’s “Cruisin’ for a Christmastime Bruisin’” offers violence as the answer for the alt hero’s BLUE ALERT intransigence.
“The Fight Before Christmas” is a screaming argument as indied by jardinière. Use I-messages, please!
Jim of Seattle sums it up with his ditty “Have a Merry Christmas.” It’s honest and well intended.
“A Step-Mothers First (And Worst) Christmas Ever” from Kristian Noel Pedersen is a thoughtful monologue about the woman who said she loved kids, then met his. Gentle pop.
Feels like it’s never going to end in the “Best Worst Christmas Ever.” Jing & Joc & Robbie The Intern rap the funny out of this homestyle altercation.
Under a Rock has a comedic chorale complaining about relatives in the bouncy pop of “Christmas is Terrible.” Nice ‘Nightmare Before’ bridge.
Some might say I’m codependent, I don’t care, allows Brinkwater & Hammeta in their light pop “Christmastime’s the Worst“–unless I’m with you. Loving, perhaps, but using the significant other as a human shield for family holiday events is pushing it.
Migratory Animals go so far as to Blah blah blah in their “Happy Christmas to Me.” Well, it could be La la la, but this garage rock takes few prisoners.
For The Putz it was “The Worst Christmas Ever” when you stepped out and didn’t quite return by gift-exchanging time. Pop with a hard rock backbeat.
Toughskins, on the other cheek, figure “It Could be Worse” if you were here for Xmas. Unapologetic garage.
Breakups took up a month already (JUNE 2019), but it can still feel like Bad Times at Advent Heights. Worst possible timing or what?
Once In a Lifetime comes right out and entitles their boo-hoo “A Christmas Tragedy.” Tinkly folk that plucks the strings deftly, if a bit too sweetly.
Alternately “Christmas Tragedy” by W1GS layers treacle over R+B. Unused arms, phones, and mistletoe leaves us cold and alone.
“An Awful Christmas and a Lousy New Year” is smokin’ blues from
Swamp Dog. His woman’s gone, people!
“Christmas Gets Worse Every Year” by The Other Guys is decent a cappella about you being just a picture now. Reverentially churchy, but internalized. Could be a makeup session later….
“The Worst Day That I’ve Had (Joseph’s Song)” is Sammy Horner’s swinging pub rock (great violin) all about infidelity and noisy animals during childbirth and Christmas (I sure do hope that some good comes from our little lad ). Good stuff.
Sneakthief sings “Merry Christmas, from the Worst Year of My Life” seems to allude to COVID-19. Pretty whining, on the other hand.
Jonas Selander measures up freezing to death in “Christmas Night Tragedy” (AKA ‘Winter Night Tragedy’), a short but lively alt jaunt.
More pissing and moaning from The Ottomen in “The Worst Christmas Day Ever.” Excellent salubrious pop rock, but–? (Misheard lyric: everyone is bayonetted on Christmas Day.)
Eric Idle as Slyly the arctic fox schools Rudolph (a reindeer) about how “It could Always be Worse.” Show tune follies.
Kicking garage from Jonee Earthquake Band make the case that “(This Must be) The Worst Christmas.” I tend to believe their cry for help.
’80s electronica details “The Worst Christmas Ever.” Broken blender = no smoothie! Despite the real sax and synth, this is all retro (about Covid-19!). Go, Vapor Music, go!
Country with real twang is the foundation for Company of the Steel Hound’s “Worst Christmas Ever.” Jobless, alone, paranoid… it doesn’t get much worse, i reckon.
Town Bike’s “[It Should’ve Been] The Worst Christmas Ever” includes illness, turkey outages, and snowlessness. But, there IS a bae handy.
Static Cadets garage band like kids when they offer the “Worst Christmas Yet.” This self loathing seems to infect Xmas more than be caused by it.
Men with Ven’s “Worst Christmas Ever” involves bad alcohol, food, and family. It’s sing-along Brintpunk fun, however, so–okay.
For X-Ray Mary “The Worst Christmas Ever” begins with Santa dead. The rollicking punk pop makes it sound more like an inconvenience. La di dah.
Two-Fisted Slobberknocker leans into the punk with their “The Worst Christmas Ever.” Economic disadvantage drives this punk screamer.
Glamourpuss recounts “The Worst Christmas” with experimental metal. Apparently crappy presents ruin everything. It’s terrible. (Not the song; it’s cool.)