X Files-mas: Dragon

May have touched on Christmas dragons once before. Time to get to it for reals this time.

Dragons are just stories when it’s “Christmas in the Shire.” Brendan Dalton & The 1740 Boys Choir soft rock our merry hearth. Then there’s a wizard knocking at your door….

“Frosty the Dragon” from PerCy Nevers clumsily mashes up ‘Puff’ and ‘Frosty.’ So doesn’t the new guy melt or not?

Fugli’s “Santa’s Got a Dragon” assesses the reindeer situation and finds them wanting. So, with a bit of metal, he rocks the turbo upgrade for sleigh deliveries.

On that note Mediera chants about the dragon mode of delivery in “Christmas In The Realm.” Pop metal.

Johnny & The Raindrops want something different for Xmas. “I’ve Got a Dragon” reveals the ups and the downs of a boy’s Xmas ask. Make a wish and blow out the house fire!

“Retchfire the Christmas Dragon” from Mozart Rottweiler with Sinister Undertones twists the metal with synth reverb. Sure it sounds scary. But I can’t make it out.

Within Temptation’s “Gothic Christmas” aggrandizes ol’ St. Nick to the point where he’s slaying dragons. Cool. Retro pop.

Robby Grant wants to help Santa and the elves so he will summon and “Fly on Christmas Dragon” to get there lickety split. The welcome isn’t exactly warm, though. Prog rock with disco moments.

X Files-mas: Dracula

Christmas vampires are going to fill up a entire post or two, so let’s give additional attention to the big daddy of all of Stoker’s invention.

Howsabout a little comedy from Team Four Star? “A Very Hellsing Christmas” features Alucard (Drac in disguise) murdering Santa then facing the consequences. Somewhat funny.

S’more comedy from Red State Update. We already featured “Dracula Doesn’t Have Ebola for Christmas.” So let’s rewind the clock to the bit “Dracula Got Ebola on Christmas Special.” The big joke is the hit song referred to doesn’t exist. But the comedy includes the antithesis, including the extra number ‘Dracula Salad.’ BLUE ALERT, too. Song writing tips gratis.

As Dracula bums a smoke at the arcade Christmas scenes already set, begins “Dean Martin” from Lovers Turn to Monsters. Sets a sombre mood in contrast to the holiday times. Indie gloom.

Another casual allusion to the Big Bad is in Cledus T Judd’s “All I Want for Christmas is Two Gold Front Teef.” He’ll be like pimp Dracula! Countrified parody.

Some of the laziest humor comes from funny accents. Dracula Sings! makes hay with the Euro-trash vocals for an almost parody: “Unholy Night.” BLUE ALERT

What we’ve been looking for is “Dracula is Santa (Scary Christmas)” by The Palace of Auburn Hills. This tinny club rock is light and breezy.

X Files-mas: Cthuhlu

From a 1928 short story in Weird Tales, a mythos was born. The giant octopus-headed man/dragon was a world killer, god, personification of doom and suffering. Chicks dig that.

The H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society kick things off with their adorable “Carol of the Old Ones.” Switch a few words around and Bob’s your uncle.

From the same group comes the more menacing “All I Want for Solstice is My Sanity.” Beware the involuntary giggles and gibberish.

More fun, is their “It’s the Most Horrible Time of the Year.” These songs are more about us than them, ’cause they are inconceivable, ya see.

Josephus get appropriately metal for “Cthulhu Christmas.” Game over, man.

“Oh Come All Ye Old Ones” from the Dagon Tabernacle Choir is a runaway train.

“Oh Cthulhu” sung by those same guys is the most fun we can have with the subject. Fitting parody.

One more! Suprise Flapjacks floor me with fast paced rock-pop “All I Want for Christmas is Cthulhu.” It’s catchy.

X Files-mas: Chupacabra

The goat sucker doesn’t get much attention around the holidays.

BLUE ALERT! Diablo Dan raps crap about Santa in “Mr. Santa.” This includes bragging about sexually destroying the Mrs. Tearing that shit up like imma motherfucking Chupacabra. So, good times or what?

John Walsh and Nick Kroll narrate “Chupacabra’s Feliz Navidad” as a personal message to this regional creature. But this Señor Wences bit is for a baby monster. And there’s anti-Semitism (ironically, but still).

Nudist Colony attempts to out lowbrow this mess with an actual parody of ‘Feliz’ in his “El Chupacabra.” If i had other offerings, i’d skip this one.

X Files-mas: Bigfoot

Bigfoot is the official cryptizoid mascot of the Pacific Northwest, the new bumper sticker craze. Ol’ Sasquatch is a symbol of lost wilderness and banished aboriginals, but we all pretend to root for him anyway around here. Merry Cold Times, Dude.

“Bigfoot Noel” from Streaking in Tongues is spoken poetry to set our sober yet melodic mood. Pretentiously pretty.

“Sasquatch is Coming to Town” is NOT a parody, but a Minnesotan country rocker from Bo Allen. This snowmobiling sack-carrying wookie is actually what brings the toys to good girls and boys. Believe. (But not in the last two minutes of credits and outtakes.)

Uncle Jess and The Rippers completely rock out the animals’ Christmas party somewhere in the woods made awesome by the dancer of the hour and his “Bigfoot’s Christmas Shoes.” Go, Bigfoot, go, go, go.

Just like the difference between typhoons and hurricanes, we own our giant hairy apeman identity here in the Western Hemisphere. But “Bigfoot and Christmas” seems set in The Alps (Yeti??). But, it’s about true love–so an honorary spot for Mark Perko’s folk trudge of a story. Caution: yodeling attempts.

Poor misunderstood shy guy! Cornpone novelty country from Jack Franzen tells how everyone suddenly understood this monster and so “Bigfoot Rides with Santa.” Problems with Act 3….

Cat Named Norris attempts rap in “Christmas with Bigfoot.” Big dance number. Nothing else to recommend it.

Ben & Tucker have solved the problem of sucky Christmasses; Bigfoot ruined ’em. “Bigfoot Why?” they holler in unplugged rocking fashion. The rest is silence.

X Files-mas: Aliens [part T]

Sham Gabr ‘s problem is that Christmas with the family is “Christmas with Aliens.” Metaphorical indie that stretches the premise, but all aliens are welcome here.

Even more metaphorical. The Winter Failure’s marvelous little album P.S. It’s Christmas features an alien (Far-naz) who strikes up a friendship with an Earthling who happens to have a bear name (Grizzly). In their indie “The Brightest Star” the bear-man misses his old friend now so far away. Touching.

Back to robots and spaceships! Matthew Ebel has a cute talky musical: The High Orbit Holiday Special, in which the protagonist is involved in a toys heist in space and spends time in jail. “Merry Christmas from Cell Block 2” celebrates hard time with aliens. Peppy pop.

Martians try to ease Count the Clock’s “Christmas in Space.” Soft soothing pop about the strange colors of eggnog and Santa’s beard for the Martian Xmas.

Melodicka Brothers penned a song by committee about Satan and then Santa explaining Christmas to an alien. It’s “The Best Christmas Song Ever (About an Alien).” I guess ‘cuz the alien catches the Christmas spirit and so doesn’t kill us all. Metal rock.

X Files-mas: Aliens [part E]

Christmas is based on mythology, whether you follow X-ianity or capitalism–it’s all faith based. Ya gotta believe. like Bigfoot hunters do. Like experiencers do. So let’s chew on some sunflower seeds and follow the were-rabbits down their hole (whilst of course overlooking the ordinary flying reindeer, singing snowmen, and furry green Christmas-stealers).

Boy howdy have we already considered aliens on the blog. From plain old sci-fi (with Dr. Who specialization) to Santa (whether his own self, or as a nemesis to).

Like with Jell-o there’s always room for more (or at least there are antacids for after the glut). So let’s peep in on “Violent Vincent is Coming to Town,” a parody about a truly cute and grisly ET with a gun from Xploshi.

Abducted, Jessica Delfino endures “Christmas in Space.” Pop near-rap with falsetto about anal probes. Painful, but even aliens celebrate.

Literally Newt seem stuck in a rut when they electronically celebrate an “Alien Christmas” with aliens. Seems those things have their own observation. Who died for their sins?

“We Wish You and Alien Christmas” is the synthed parody from RalphWiggy. Careful what you wish for.

The alien POV pops out from Old 97’s with “I Don’t Know What Christmas Is (But Christmastime Is Here)” from 2022’s ‘The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special.’ Cool retro rock pop. Earthlings are so weird.

Also judgy are the aliens in The Dusty Meadows Band’s “Christmas in Outerspace.” Electronic pop that warns of reindeer poop in space.

Tyler Del Pino & Rusty Robot want to spend “Christmas with Aliens” ‘cuz they don’t know what is. Apparently these rockers don’t appreciate our traditions of spend spend and spend. They want a new party.

Yo Ho Ho Ho-Crossed Cannons album

The Crossed Cannons seem like a coupl’a talented guys. Their guitar, tambourine, drum and knee slapping creates just the right rum-soaked venue for their old-timey carol parodies. “Red Sky at Night” makes violent light of ‘Silent Night.’ But “Eggnog in a Jar” is way old world folk. Not sure of it’s source. “Roll Santa’s Sleigh Along” is pure shanty. Fun for the whole family, with less pirate rage. “I’m Stuck in the Chimney” is sing-along cute. There’re a couple near-misses, but overall, A Pirate Christmas Story is a great addition to your pirate Christmas music collection. There is also a video of their show with amusing patter.

Yo Ho Ho Ho-Hang the Jib

Alice vs. Everything may have cuckolded Mr. Gifts in the jaunty garage rock of “A Pirate’s Wife for Me.” I think there’s just pirating (of wives) here, no sea bandits. Pirate can mean so many things.

Lost in space, The Sailing’s protagonist is Singing to the sky A feeble pirate’s cry, ‘Bring me love on Christmas.’ “Stranded Here (On Christmas)” is a soaring prayer to the galaxy/heavens in fine indie fashion. Pirate adjacent indie.