X Files-mas: Unicorns

Horses or cows or, more likely, goats with hooves and a horn up front have inspired our imagination for centuries, especially if you’re an eight-year old girl. Let’s play.

Country schlock from Tiny Totz Kidz celebrates the arrival of “The Christmas Unicorn” to do what Rudolph couldn’t–light Santa’s way. Huh?

Kidsong wonders Wouldn’t it be great to be The jolliest unicorn of the sea? in “It’s a Narwhal Christmas.” Had to include it.

Annisa Diadra sings “All I Want for Christmas is a Unicorn.” Not the parody it was expecting, but a lovely girl pop exploration of heart.

Still more girlishness from Claudia Robin Gunn about the helpful “The Xmas Unicorns.” They help with magic magic, magic magic. They also fly. [Her “Jingle Jangle Magic” also entertains, this time with unicorns AND trolls AND witches AND pixies AND more…..]

Quarantined malaise is reflected in the “Depressed Unicorn Christmas Song.” Kevin Drew leads us away from kids’ pap to more nuanced pop morphing into soul. Whoa.

Fraine River recounts with fine folk pop how fairy tales with Pegasus and “Unicorns” will help children believe in things like true love, even on Christmas Day. Don’t harsh my dumb, bro.

X Files-mas: Robots (Santa, Jesus, etc.)

Let’s get specific with our Xmas-bots.

Hunter’s Christmas Project seems to worry that “Robot Santa” knows when you’re sleeping etc. bc it uses spy gear and drones. Scary, yet pop.

P-Dog & Maddog enters the realm of experimental music, accidentally i presume, with “Robot Santa.” Confrontation with shooting seems to be the reason for the season.

Benny Holmes raps the story of Santa being replaced with a machine in “DarcYLand – Robot Santa.” Fun.

Glial Cell foretells Santa’s passing kickstarting governmental automation for a moving pop brio “Robot Santa.” But, love–?

The Bunkhouse Boys make punk of “Robot Santa Claus.” It’s just another song.

Were you loo0king for more Futurama Robot Santa? Screamerclauz drops samples of the show into their electronic metal “Robosanta.” It’s funny ‘cuz it’s deadly.

Steve Paget welcomes us to the house of “Robot Jesus.” A nice electronic pop introduction.

Funky blues from La Tormenta lays out “Robot Jesus” as rubbet hay-seuss. Robot or alien?

“Robot Jesus UFO” settles that debate with scampering backbeaten rock via The Demons of Folk. Check your uplink prayer unit.

“Robot Jesus – A Christmas Song” is another electronically deranged recitation this time cleverly enunciated by kharmakazy.

Bonecage’s “Merry Christmas Robot Christ” introduces a whole new Second Coming. And not a nice one, despite the quite danceable pop music. The End.

X Files-mas: Robots (overlords)

The singularity may be only a couple decades off, but as with most prophecies our general intelligence and anxiety of overlording artificial intelligence or robotic sentience will preclude any takeover. The actual robopocalypse will be with a whimper, not a bang. We will become them, they will become us. No difference… after 2050 or so.

Still, it’s my opportunity to once again include MY FAVORITE CHRISTMAS SONG of all time. Jonathan Coulton’s boss pop “Chiron Beta Prime.”

Now try “The Christmas Robot” by MJ Hibbett & The Validators! This apparently children’s song pits The Christmas Dinosaur against humankind’s nemesis to violent effect. The ending hints at Christmas spirit, but then–

Retrobot shows us the evolutionary beginning of these masters with their “Christmas Robot.” EDM for kids.

Rampaging robots are sometimes just in pain, like the “Secret Robotic Gorilla Christmas” from Hot Buttered Elves. Brief sharp pop.

The Game Chasers go a different route with their “Christmas Robotica.” Lost in space these artificial beings chase booty… for Christmas. Prog/metal inexplicableness.

JPK tootles out some electronica in order to celebrate “Christmas Robot.” It’ll be the first to tell you: does not compute.

Qae also simply tootles the electronica for “Robot Christmas.” No judgment, just EDM.

Dogstooth gets down to brass tacks with “Killer Robot Christmas.” No Futurama icons were harmed during the metal of this song. But all meatbags are in jeopardy.

Tyrannosaurus Mouse warns us of all the hidden perils in a “Robot Christmas.” Emotional hair metal.

Youth on Track rock for “The Robots at Christmas.” Will you get one for a present? Will it kill you? Give their pieces a chance….

Proton Packs’s “Junkie Robot Christmas” pops the metal with adult intent. Were WE the robots all along?

And then there’s the helpful robots. Parry Gripp does not overthink the concept when he pops us “Merry Christmas from TacoBot.” Watch the extra cheese.

“Otto the Christmas Drone” is Music Production’s jazzy lite pop intro to another helper who can get into places reindeer won’t. So, Rudolph’s replaced, but gets to vacation. Wild tempo.

Ice Cream Vendors get some ’90s retro pop for the artificial sounding “Robot Christmas.” This time it’s celebration. And what do robots have for dessert–?

X Files-mas: Orcs

Tolkien elves led astray by Morgoth became orcs, a mainstay of the Dungeons and Dragons gameplay. Horrid little easy pickings.

“The Time of Christmas has Come” by ORCumentary is a battle march in metal (with flourishes) about Orc Adams determined to get some Santa presents. Through malfeasance, natch.

@Krudmonger has a charming parody set in “A Very Tolkien Christmas.” Balrogs show up twice, but orcs appear in the next to last bit ‘Up On the Hilltop.’

Hooray! It’s the return of the kingly Brendan Dalton & The 1740 Boys Choir with thoughtful regret in the form of folk pop: “A Friend for Christmas (Prelude to the Death of an Orc).” Before its demise, it wishes for a Merry Christmas. Just like Jesus wanted.

X Files-mas: Monsters

The notion of ‘The Monster’ predates all literature, and the Latinate root of the word seems to denote simply ‘Warning/Instruction’ (like literature is s’posed to do). Monstrophy tells us a lot about a culture. That’s what all these posts are about. Sometimes, monster’s a catchall for the odd outlier, the not-us. Here’s where those unspecific entries fall.

A+ Cake (feat. MC TC Mc) embody this generality with “We Wish You a Monster Christmas.” Listing centaurs, vampires, and your cat isn’t compelling. Nor is the parody (despite the rap coda).

The Universal Monsters were a successful film genre from the 1930s but reached great fame in weekend TV offerings during the ’60s. Lots of fun comedy and rock songs from that. Like Len Maxwell’s “A Merry Monster Christmas” album from 1964.

“Santa’s Monster Bash” by Dwight Frye and the Crew of Creeps is a welcome bluegrass palate cleanser. It’s a who’s boo of creatures.

Peter Pan Records put out their own hodgepodge of silliness with the album Monster Christmas Mash. Lessons are definitely learned. Probably later ’60s, but rereleased in perpetuity.

“Monster’s Holiday” was covered here earlier (though i credited Bobby Pickett with Buck Owens’s version). The Plainsmen rock the hell out of a different edition (not exactly Xmas–but cool).

“Monsters Christmas” from Ys is nearly subvocal rap about some injured victim trying to react to some threat of some kind. There’s a cool story in here somewhere.

Red State Update raises the roof with “The Day All the Monsters Came to Church and Got Saved.” They loved Jesus, too. A Christmas miracle.

X Files-mas: Mari Lwyd

A trip to South Wales reveals a tradition lost to time in which a horse’s head (skull) was set on a pole and followed house to house with singing for food and drink (wassailing). The translation for this community fete seems to be ‘gray mare’ or it could ‘blessed Mary’ bc of the wintry times it’s enacted. I’m betting on the former.

For local flavor let’s sample a Celtic verse: “Mari Lwyd” by Carreg Lafar. Huh? (Take it from me, the songs about this oddness are mostly NOT English.)

Eglish Acoustic Collective seem to codeswitch in their “Mari Lwyd.” Might be a manger in there.

“Wassailing With The Mari Lwyd” by Sloar+Mordor gives a prog rock side to the hand out beggary.

S.J. Tucker sings to “Welcome Mari Lwyd” with New Age picking and thumping. Open that door, man!

House Made of Dawn is more threatening in the give and take of their “Mari Lwyd.” Stale bread!

A Silly Little Time takes the time to warn all outsiders of the “Mari Lwyd.” Scary stuff, but old folk Celtic so also pretty.

X-Files-mas: Krampus endures

We’ll skip the foreign language songs (mostly German). But Krampus gets play in some truly offbeat holiday offerings.

“The Night I Battled Krampus” Deseis admits he didn’t win… a rap battle! Yet, Krampus went away with his tail ‘twixt hoofed legs. Tune in to find out why.

Flesh Eating Foundation shouts out the polka-based “Oh Krampus!” basically begging the fiend to relieve the poor singers of their brats. You’re our only hope.

Spelling it out for our benefit Make Like Monkeys pop sing “K-R-A-M-P-U-S.” These are the kids begging to not be taken/eaten/whatever.

Gary Roadarmel & The Parish Commissioners retro rock the same plea in “Here Comes Krampus.” Yeah yeah yeah.

Krampus-philia from Actually makes “Krampus Redux” a bit squirmy. That thirteen inch tongue! Girl pop, but not that way. [As a ‘redux’ you must be wondering where the first rendering went. It went into nearly amateurish “Krampus Christmas.” It’s celebratory.]

RaSquatch waxes the ska dance floor with a premium “Krampus.” Put on your red hooves and get up!

AAIIEE gets quietly philosophical for their “Krampus Is an Evil Man.” But this confrontation between gruesome and attitude doesn’t fare well for the little boy.

Getting lazy Krampus Claus vrooms “Krampus It’s Cold Outside” by substituting every fifth word with Krampus. Does it work?

Folky country from Twitch n Jimbers evokes Elvis when we’re invited to keep “Kreepin’ with Krampus.” It’s a marvelous time. That does work.

One last parody from Tom Smith. “We Need a Little Krampus” paints the furry freak with rose colored glasses. Funny.

Swinging big band music from The Glenn Crytzer Orchestra jazzes ups ol’ “Krampus.” Mercy!

X Files-mas: Krampus continues

Children never learn, so the examples continue.

S. J. Tucker gets into more detail with whispery indie string plucking in “The Feast of Krampus.” Geneology, modus operandi, arsenal… it’s all here.

Parody break: The Courtesan & The Cabin Boy pick on ‘Frosty’ with “Krampus the Demon” (bonus points for Durante impression), ‘Rudolph’ with “Krampus the Christmas Monster,” ‘Dreidel’ with “Krampus Krampus Krampus,” and ‘Christmas Island’ with “Krampus Island.” Not to mention “Carol of the Krampus.”

Coral Bells pictures “Krampus” as nothing more than some drifter who plays hob with your kids. Old world pop.

Begging for a visit from “Krampus” la-goons gets garage with instructions on naughty behavior.

A bit of the ol’ rockabilly from The Lathums brings pain your way thanks to “Krampus.” Goes down easy with that backbeat.

“Ode to Krampus” returns us to the terror with Strap on Halo’s echoey New Age metal.

Contrast that to Pudding’s “Ode to Krampus” in which clubbers gawk and fawn over the monster. Flirtatious spoken and synthed mixed media.

Then there’s Jowe Head’s “Ode to Krampus,” a funeral march of warnings for those who know what they did.

Tight Pajamas goes full beer barrel with “Krampus, Oh Krampus.” This party piece celebrates the effects of the stick. ‘Sall good now.

X Files-mas: Krampus begins

Remember, remember the fifth of December… As with Hallowe’en being the night before a holy day (Michaelmas), Krampusnacht is the night before The Feast of St. Nicholas. While THAT should be Christmas, JC isn’t Santa. But the goatman/Devil might be a product of Central Europe BEFORE Christianity spread there. Just more cultural appropriation, or melding pot, or serving up the best bits of every culture so we have the coolest one regardless of origination. Just think of the Santa-Krampus team-up as good cop-bad cop (one gifts the good, the other beats the naughty).

Too much? Then try a cartoon! “The Krampus!” from Jack Squat JB throws down some polka and funny accents to make us learn (and behave). [He also has a cute parody called “Run, Run #Krampus.”]

Jingle Daddy mixes live and animated with his intermediate class “Krampus Night!” It IS swing (as well as a Squirrel Nut Zipper parody), so hella fun.

Aaron Fraser-Nash has an homage to the 2005 film with “Krampus Sings a Song.” This growly rap (he gave us a “Part Two” too) introduces us nicely. Fraser-Nash has a side hustle of impersonating movie characters singing so he’s turning pro at this.

Before you get too comfy, I’ve gotta share Houdmouth’s “Krampus.” This alt-rock loop repeats the same two lines over and over until you get it (or you don’t). And that’s Krampus.

Upbeat pop from Les Barons brings us “Xmas with Krampus.” Disappointing Santa makes Krampus mad. Write that down.

Or p’raps heavy metal is where it’s at to fully get “Krampus Night.” Let Firemage show you.

Rap? Bludstaind gives us a “Krampus” primer of some gore.

Coupl’a more details: the chains, the bells, the basket, and the lie detector-thing. Miss FD has it covered in her “Krampus Song.” Swing with accordion.

Wild Earp uses old timey country music to craft his kidsong “The Krampus Song.” Thus the lessons endeth. Learning is fun-damental.

X File-mas: Kaiju

Godzilla may be King of Monsters, but those other guys need some screen time, too.

Not a fan of foreign verse, but give “Kaiju Christmas” by Radioactive Karaoke a chance. Ostensibly a Gojira song, this little band pop number brings a children’s glee to glee club.

Jimmie’s in the Basement celebrate when “It’s a Kaiju Christmas.” This retro electronic rock is the new ‘Monster Mash.’

The Radish Friends borrow a great one with “The Christmas Kaiju Cometh.” It’s the end of all good times. Groovy folk rock.

Make Like Monkeys are their usual cool retro rocksters when creating “Santis! The Christmas Kaiju.” Just because we can add giant claws, doesn’t mean we should…. [Not to mention their “King Kong for Christmas” as another of their cool monster musical mysteries. Fab, boys, simply fab.]