Year-round Yuletide oddities
Why do you want a gun for Christmas? Jamir Fork indies the answer in “I Want a Gun for Christmas.” Now you know.
“All I Want for Christmas is a Broom Handle Mauser” by Alan.s.Robinson is a festive folk jig about taking care of problems. Get some.
Jonathan Mann has reviewed Twitter and cobbled together the lyrics for “A Gun for Christmas” with some rocking folk. Much more entertaining than you’d figure.
For the Second Amendment, my government gave to me… the means of overpowering all bad things (segue from last month!!) with violence and grievous bodily harm. Guns have a troubled history. Are they just handheld cannons? Did they ruin Samurai culture? Do they taint everything America has ever done? Will they make the ideal holiday gift?
Part of my Christmas Lists theme of 2016 included this medley:
A gun – The Vandals with more punkish punk. Ian Yo Yo Yo (Jib Jab Brothers) go urban for the Red Ryder Rifle. (Still preferable to the ‘Christmas Story’ musical version.) Best of the range is Roy Zimmerman’s “Buy War Toys for Christmas.” Made Demento famous by The Twang.
Also previously posted was Seth McFarlane’s American Dad “I Want a Gun for Christmas.” The irony!
But there’s so much more! Granted much of it is lame, or low caliber (hint for level of humor), like Rocky Mountain Mike’s “The Christmas Gun Nut Song.” This Chipmunk parody seems to cut off before the shooting starts.
One of my favorite ‘sides’ is Wall of Voodoo’s “Shouldn’t Have Given Him a Gun for Christmas.” Post Punk with an unflinching backbeat. Call the news.
Covered all the bases for a terrible, horrible, not very good Christmas, have we? Let’s see.
End of the world was last month, but something always falls through the cracks. Like “A Merry Nuclear Christmas” from X-Ray Mary. Old time rock and roll, babies.
also missed on the blog was “Worst Christmas Ever (Christmas of the Dead)” from Hardeman. Zombies are back with a vengeance.
Even more apocalyptic is “The Star That Fell to Earth” from Edison Lighthouse (those ‘My Love Grows (Where Rosemary Goes)’ guys). Prog rock about the meteor that heralded Christ. Look out! Save the dinosaurs!
The other end of the spectrum includes “The Worst Part of Christmas is You” wherein Oak Winter Red warbles out an alt-folk diatribe about how a cup of cocoa ruins EVERYTHING!
More relevant, Jeremih & Chance the Rapper rap-belt out “Tragedy” about a homeless man, and Winter, and fried sugary bells, and ghosts. I guess. It’s a bad scene.
“The. Worst. Christmas. Ever.” according to Lux Lisbon is still better than every other day. Thus endeth the lesson. Pop rock music preaches again.
Experimental ‘music’ from Concave Onion claims Santa is a multiple murderer. And it’s “Worse Than Coal.” Sheesh.
“Psycho Ho Ho” from El Camino features a Santa who has fewer motivations, but rockabilly menace. I’d steer clear.
Davey Dips’s “Post-Traumatic Santa Claus Disorder” is a rap tale about Billy who is orphaned by that red menace. Oh, it’s just a movie.
Comeuppance arrives from Hot Buttered Elves who find “Pieces of Santa” all over the front room. This new age indie offering makes it sound like El Giftarella was delivering faulty ordnance. Ouch. Still, magic sack….
Ben & Tucker admit through gritted teeth and folk strumming that Santa Claus is dead… and now he’s coming for me! Tune in to “White Turns Red” to find out more.
Vengeance escalates, then murder. For christmas!
The most twisted vengeful song only digs one grave with the pop wisecracking of Kunt and the Gang in “Kuntish Christmas.” Lots of evil wishing, so don’t worry.
“Santa’s Revenge” is a new age lite metal from Infinity Greenhouse about Dead Santa returning to grant atom bombs to the kids, to make the world pay for their sins. Is this Futurama?
“Silent Night Deadly Night” is mass slaughter metal rocked from Vista Blue. The orphan says, they’re gonna pay. Now we got a song!
Young Mark’s “The Farewell Ballad of Holiday Wonderment and Joy and Blood Also” is a mini-show of in memoriam, but only screaming so at the end. Whoa, that came out of nowhere.
Inward Chills direct “CSI Lapland,” a tinkly ad lib folk corrado about Santa killing. Will justify prevail?
‘Chicago Fire’ fan lyrics with “In Harm’s Way,” a country folk elegy from Kid Mayhem. It’s about those heroes who spend Christmas with you and your charred remains.
Parody’s back! Dave Rudolf tackles Johnny Cash in his “Flue of Fire.” Santa don’t like it when you leave a light on for him!
Piedmont Songbag seems to revel in the arson. “A Christmas to Remember” is a soft folk dialogue between nostalgic rememberers and that year the tree burned down (pretty colors!). But then “Burning the Christmas Tree” is an insistent polka of ritualistic bacchanalia.
House fires are more common around the holidays due to the advanced stupidity that coddles the rabid consumer. That and the decline of Western Civilization.
Eye Suck industrializes garage rock for a visit to a “Bad Christmas.” We’re all suffering, my dudes.
It’s just the tree for Destroying Something Beautiful in the whispery indie “The Worst Christmas We Ever Had.” Family dysfunction!
Simpler parody from Dave Williams. “O Schadenfreude” takes on the Fox News conspiracy that their public spectacle of a (fake) tree was torched as a hate crime in 2021.
Zydeco fun from Dave & Jeanine advising you NOT to forget to “Put Out the Ol’ Yule Log.” Consequences of such a lapse include inferno.
Except for Tim Allen, no one ever said Santa was immortal.
“Worst Christmas Song Ever” is crappy lounge singing about the tender tots asleep on Christmas. Glenn Simonelli jazzes up the prank about telling the kids about Claus’s demise.
In “Christmas Sucks (Sheepie’s Christmas)” AlbinoBlackSheep (feat. Andrew Kepple) sings music hall jazz about how we all hate S.C.! After shooting him down, however, Sheepie has regrets.
Pete the Elf tipped me wise to the goth/blues of finding dead Santa whilst doing chimney work in the beautifully dark “A Daddy Christmas Eve” by Who’s the Daddy Now? Silver lining: another believer!
Make Like Monkeys return to feed the greed in “Mine!!! Rub Out Santa Claus.” Arsenic pies make an appearance in this ragtime-ish polka pop.
Nearly the worst that could befall us Christmas-wise would be a Santa-cide.
DJ Chestnuts raps over the reverb about our merry loss in “Christmas Tragedy.” Another Santa dead….
Cocoon swings it Sufjan Stevens style with the startling “Christmas Song.” No graphic details here, just innuendo after Santa doesn’t appear: The reindeer may have been shot in the skies.
Some random teens appear as The Untitled and indie up the sentiment with “A Christmas Tragedy.” Short, but not sweet.
Car wrecks? Sleigh wrecks!
“Santa Smashed Into Our House” by Flooded Cellar is the down home country of a happy moment made quite unhappy.
Roland Buscar attempts to help out Santa after he drops dead, but the sleigh is too much for him in “A Very Ragamuffin Xmas.” BLUE ALERT rap with a bailed ending.
Mike and Brian find Santa with a broken knee after a collision, which results in a slow jam pop that maintains “Every Day is Christmas.” Misery-style, Santa is recuperating in their own home.
Torch singing, Hadley Park country divas out “Santa Crashed His Sleigh Into Our Garage.” No word how the bearded one is…