Christmas Every Day: July (1)

The prolific and poetic Sufjan Stevens delivers on the rhyme and reason of “Christmas in July.” Now you know.

The Artistic Differences sing (?) “Christmas in July” out of their basement without God’s blessing, but with a bellyful of cheer. Pretty creepy.

Perhaps just mixed up (drunk) are Toini & The Tomcats feeling “Christmas in July.” Fair rockabilly. Great howling.

R-rated fun somehow gets twisted up candy cane style when “It’s Christmas in July,” brought to you by Ouate de Phoque. Video contains a rockin’ collection of playful pinups AND Christmas in July ad-promotional art.

Island entertainer, Ray Fogg gets promotional as well with greasy lounge caroldy: “Christmas in July from Pun-in-Bay.” Har de har.

‘There’s No Law That Says We Can’t Sing Christmas Songs!’ avers Dave Love in “It’s Christmas in July.” Pop meets alt. Palt!

Breathy and heavily accented, Clara Oleg jazzes up “Christmas in July“–wait is some of that scat in Scandinavian? Pouty pop.

But my idea of fun is when the President orders “Christmas in July.” Hijinks ensue. And the fun polka/rock fusion band Brave Combo delivers toys, toys, toys.

Christmas Every Day: June

Let’s cheat some more.

Best mention of June for Christmas is from the April-May-June run “Christmas in April” by Butch Walker. Bradley Glen ‘Butch’ Walker was a bit of a somebody lead guitarist for metal and rock bands back in the ’90s and earlier. His gentle country-rock love song here is aw shucks sentimental and santarific. Love is Christmas no matter what month.

Christmas Every Day: May (in a way)

Most have forgotten Christmas by May in light of all those other, lesser holidays. Mothers’ Day.

But, ahh, the songs about Mommy Dearest for the holidays… that’s another libretto. And I don’t mean ‘Kissing’ or ‘Shoes’ (yeargh), i mean the love of a son of man for his Madonna. (Not actually Mary–we’ll probe those songs out later.)

Take Dave Cheatham singing about the mother he left at home while he sleeps and hopes homelessly for the one he left behind. “Happy Christmas Mother.” Folksy acoustic sentiment.

Also torn is Asha Banks. “Christmas at My Mum’s House” details the broken home problem of two Christmasses. Belting out hopeful endings doesn’t help her flashback four-year-old’s awful haircut.

Let’s go lighter in tone (and loafers). Louis Duarte dedicates his hiphop jazz in his “Another Mum Christmas Song.” His ADHD Look-at-Me! video with dress up and solo mosh pit dancing is every mother’s worry how her son might turn out.

James Higgins gets a bit more stage-show with his “Mom’s Xmas Song.” Mostly, i think he wants her to accept him just the way he is. Big ups for explaining how to celebrate in February, March, April, and June–often in his mother’s voice. It’s all for you, Mom!

Dan Crow saves the day (after my original posting) with “Christmas Day in May,” a rocking’ calendar mix-up with comical consequences for the kiddos. Surf’s (almost) up!

Christmas Every Day: April

Here’s why i started the search for nativity periodicity. Unavailable commercially, but downloadable (for free) Bah and the Humbugs may be the premier satiric Christmas rock band (so it says on their website). As such you ought to listen to the prolonged parable of “Christmas in April.” It will lift your spirits, then spin them about, perhaps crashing into furniture before ending up in a heap behind the potted ferns.

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Christmas Every day: March (sort of)

March is the favorite time of year for grumbling about whether or not the neighbors will ever take down those Xmas lights. And March is a word in holiday-related songs like Nutcrackers and Toy Soldiers. But i got nothing that says the season of March AND Christmas together.

So let’s stretch a bit. Easter comes around March (sometimes) (there’s an equinox and there’s a full moon in there somewhere). Since both holidays involve ol’ JC, let’s see if there’s a song or two mixing them up.

Oh yes–recklessly scrambling children’s sensibilities in order to corner a song niche no one else has attempted, Nooshi the Balloon Dude pastes Easter subject lyrics onto traditional Christmas songs. The worst/most imaginative entries include “Out in the Front Yard” and “We Three Bunnies.” Sounds like someone got a rhythm machine and a prescription to quaaludes for Christmas.

Oh, let’s go one more time… The Mini Lalaloopsy Littles sing “Easter Don’t be Late” to the tune of that Alvin hit, but they don’t seem to love the humor of parody, or the candy-strewn Resurrection.

The inimitable Harvey Fierstein plays it broad as the mercantile Easter Bunny to Elmo and his reindeer friend in an elderly Sesame Street bit “Give Your Friend an Easter Egg for Christmas.” Elementary jazz hands, kids!

Christmas Every day: February

2/2 is officially Mid-Winter with the groundhog prognosticating what’s left of the horrible killing frost. But not so always. Christmas originally was Mid-Winter, ’cause of political calendrical churchy battles. You could look it up.

“In the Bleak Midwinter” is a traditional hymn about Christmas and it’s sung by many, many, many who have the pipes to back it up. I’ll just mention a Hampshire set of twins, Ward Thomas, partly because my wife loves young girl harmony, partly because their video here is all agenda-ed up with vetserans’ charities. Pretty but deadly.

Other Winter/Christmas songs of note: “The Winter Song” by Eisley from the Maybe This Christmas Too album. A trudging, mournful, soulful searching song.

Isaac Hayes also blues it up with “Winter Snow” from several Xmas compilations (mine is Christmas in Soulsville). I feel compelled to point these titles out because it is not sounding like Christmas.

Thee Olde World loans us classic carols like “Drive the Cold Winter Away” here brought to life by The Trail Band. (Album: Making Spirits Bright.) Seems totes apropos here for Feb.

But, to stay novel and titular, let’s get our coffeehouse beat on with Lou Reed. His “Xmas in February” of course is about how the spirit has left us this late in the year. It’s spoken word blues about loss from the Vietnam War. But the title really works for me, so there.

Christmas Every Day: January

Christmas is meant to be a frame of mind, not a box in the calendar. Not that i can find a lot of ‘Christmas in April’ songs (okay, i did find one really cool one).

Let’s roll through the twelve months like it’s the twelve nights and find something to celebrate for each of my pin-up’s pages.

January is a bit of a burn-out for the Holidays. (I am NOT going to insert any ’12 Days of–‘ songs here because after a dozen days we’re into the first month of the year. And mostly because i hate nearly all novelty versions of that heinous hymn.) But there are a couple fun AFTER songs…

In fact Jim Sarthou sings about wanting “An After Christmas Song.” It’s sentimental enough, but not rally catchy enough to hum for the following weeks of taking down the decorations. This is an Aunt Irma song tribute. If you wanta get up and dance to it, click on The Skavengers‘ version. These Filipinos shake it up.

More into the spirit of the decreasing’ reasons, Lost Dogs sing the “Song for the Day After Christmas.” Its folky and snarky and yet religious, too. Feeling it.

Weary but still on the dance floor, KC and The Sunshine Band allow for “The After Christmas Song.” It has flavors of the Caribbean, and down home funk.

The Snowflakes Christmas Singles Club is another gimmick to get worthy unknowns into your field of vision. Each year they (UK) offer up a spendy limited pressing with A-side original Christmas music, and B-side reimagined Christmas song (which you may not have in your rotation). Cool, cool, cool. So try out this Nancy Wallace song about missing loved ones on 12/25 and having to spend the holiday with them LATER in “January.” It’s daintily folksy and loving and, despite close listening, does NOT seem Cristmassy.

Manger Management: Low, Bleat, Snort

Well, we’ve had some fun with the animal kingdom this month, but please remember where it all began: in the back of the barn. Let’s look at bunches of animals altogether now.

“The Animals Christmas Song” is another Chipmunks ripoff, and from all i can tell, was actually recorded by Santa’s Pixie Helpers. It’s the tortured rhymes of names of animals with Christmas items that keeps on giving.

“Carol of the Beasts” by Pete Seger mournfully strums through the manger’s menagerie, but in a folktastic way.

With his more modern maundering, Sufjan Stevens guides us through his version of “The Friendly Beasts.” Jesus’ beast-bro hoe down.

Tru Harmony swings and sways–mostly on key–with “Song of the Christmas Animals (Don’t Forget about Me).” Like Christ would forget that one lamb there.

I find the true spirit of the manger in the mangey tomfoolery of Spike Jones (featuring the Bell Sisters) syncopating “Barnyard Christmas.” Try to keep up.

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Manger Management: Don we now our Key

Donkeys are there, in the manger, when it happened, that Christmas thing. So they get plenty of play.

“Dominick the Christmas Donkey” is Italian, Santa’s friend, and a hit for Lou Monte way back when we thought all Italians were funny-talkers.

Ed Ames brings us back to the blessed moment with an echoey symphonic chant, reminding us in “The Ballad of the Christmas Donkey” that The Son gives us all a chance–lookswise anyway.

More donkeys at the birth of Christ! In “Nestor the Long Eared Christmas Donkey” Marty Robbins tells the same ugly duckling story with a bona nova backbeat. Howza, Lord!

Gracie Fields had perhaps the biggest merry mule music with her 1959 “Little Donkey.” This catchy tune sold as sheet music faster than hotcakes. This mono recording may cause loss of equilibrium, but the message will heal you.

But the ass is not the only odd-toed hoped mammal with a reason for the season. And i don’t really mean Ren & Stimpy’s “Yak Shaving Day” (shudder).  Nor even the crafty parodeus “Save a Horse, Ride a Reindeer” by the Whiskey Santas (really?).

No, no, no.I’m referring to that staple of 3rd grade winter singing festivals “Santa’s Using Zebras Now.” In order to understand a few lyrics we’ll zone in on Paisley Yankolovich’s unplugged version. He looks as if he might not be allowed within a hundred yards of a school.

Manger Management: Bovine Grace

Let’s get inside the stable with the real manger-ettes finally.

Santa’s helping at the Gilmer Dairy Farm in “The Gilmer Dairy Farm Christmas Song.” Will Gilmer sings up a bucketful of ‘Jingle Bells’ parody with cows in mind and it’s worth half a listen.

Cattle drives gotta happen first, o’ course. Cowboy Greg & The Done Goods yodel out “Cows Love Christmas” with that open range fantasia that usually precedes delusional seizures and death.

Bringing the hoofed ones home for the holidays Daniel Gould of Music Tech Group, solemnizes “Give a Cow for Christmas.” This rocks and feeds back and, i guess, postulates that poor people could use a burger as a gift this time of year. Hmmmm.

But we must pause and salute the greatest cow novelty Christmas music album of all time: It’s a Cow Christmas by Terry Esau. This True Christian went a little nuts in the best possible creative way cranking out parody after parody of carols with a taurine twist or two. Check out “God Rest Ye Merry Cattlemen” (reverential)

and the best of the herd: “Santa Cow.” It’s disco meets rap meets country meets trucker rock. Mooo, boy.

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Axis of Awesome comes to the rescue with a real Nativity four-footed number. “I Love Being a Cow” may have a sudden turn to watch out for though. Watch out.