Drink N.B. Merry: rum1

If you want just rum in your holiday liquor cabinet you usually rely on rhymes with drum (pum pum pum pum). But some rummies wanna go straight up with Caribbean Tom Thumb. Yo ho ho.

Ho hum rum songs include Bah & the Humbugs playing slacker elves deifying the demon rum. The humor of that obvious inappropriateness is lost in this loungey sing-a-long. “All You Need is Rum” is a fun song to spring on the unaware, but not to rotate into your novelty selections.

Joseph Michael Young meditates sadly on his only friend “Holiday Rum.” It’s a plaintive prosody.

Jimmy Buffett tries to Gulf it up with gusto in “Ho Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum.” But this shaggy dog about Santa needing a (drinking) break reflects on middle-aged sadness in a 2nd-stage of wistful drukenness and self worth crisis.

A punk twist on the title comes from The Cucumbers. “Ho Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum” here is a great earthy, naughty chant begrudging nuthin off the pirate allusion. Damn Santa.

Drink N.B. Merry: HBR

Another drink celebrated exclusively around Christmas is hot buttered rum. Songs about HBR may not always focus on the holidays (like Carol Weaver’s simple Red Clay Ramblers folk exhortation: “Hot Buttered Rum“), but you know–like with eggnog–that partaking of this libation is a tip of the lip to the Lord. You know.

‘Tis a pretty song. Reilly and Maloney give it the old Kigston Trio folk fun try. Mary Chapin Carpenter gives it the matter of fact, no nonsense statement. Mike Murphee gives it a warbling melancholic dirge-like sendoff. Bryan Bowers overmikes his mbira-sounding dulcimer creating a more haunting ghostly wisp of a warning. Phil Passen gets the music mix right but loses all feeling in his vocals. Leo Eilts goes for Dylanesque with his harsh syncopation and heavy harmonica (nice expository defense of this song as a Christmas ditty–thanx). Rani Arbo and Daisy Mayhem throw back to barn-dwelling throaty mountain folk–sounds like a party, of a sort.  The Red Clay Ramblers theyselves the originators of said piece play the lay like they’re at an Irish funeral (with a 3 1/2 minute fiddlin’ intro). Becomes an old world mini-opera of an alcoholic beverage, it does.

Krista Detor gets her drink on for present-day Christmas partying with her “Hot Buttered Rum.” Try not to keep up with her escalating partaking. But sway to the hot buttery vocals.

Drink N.B. Merry: nog8

Is that enough eggnog? Not if you can still see clearly enough to read this.

Santa drunk on eggnog songs include:

“Santa Drank the Eggnog” by Clare Means. Sounds like a kids’ song, though Santa gets pretty handsy high as he is. Look away, little girls!

Comedy country from Kevin Afflack arrives in the form of “Blame It on the Eggnog.” Peppermint schnapps sneaks in there, but it’s more interesting what Santa’s go-to is for in the bag singing.

You are dead drunk ‘nog songs include:

Angry garage rock informs this frame of mind. Posture & the Grizzly play “Egg Nog Drunk Off of Hilary Duff’s Piss” like the standard manifesto of working class injustice. Don’t worry about the drinking then.

Lil Snarky has morning after regrets from a bender in “Eggnog, Bitches!” Adult situations (who did I sleep with?!), childish behavior (humping dogs), bouncy pop music. Keep a barf bag handy.

More unfortunate puppetry and helium vocals in “The Eggnog Addict.” Take note of the inventory of additives (moonshine, too). This is presented as a curative, a little hair of the ‘nog. But the soft folk strumming is so soothing. Kerem and Ben are not above puppet vomit, however.

A bit more ‘live’ is Christy Davis, outing her alcoholic relations in “Granny’s ‘Special’ Eggnog.” It’s truth telling time in a soulfully folk throw down. Next time, blackout and don’t remember. Or stay away stay away stay away stay away from the eggnog.

 

 

Drink N.B. Merry: nog7

Drinking Christmas from now on is all booze, hooch, and spirits.

Eggnog fully loaded is the beginning of some memorable holiday get-togethers.

Starting out philosophically and stuck with rum, The Morning Squirrels keep one eye on the TV when they explain “The Eggnog Song.” Some killer guitar folking, but mind the memes boys.

Jumping ahead Canned Hamm can barely string their psychedelic pop lyrics together for “Rum and Eggnog.” Head hop holly humping huh what did he say.

Whiskey now for The Rockin’ Guys’ “Eggnog.” Hard, but southern, rocking about the aftermaths of dysfunctional family drinking.

Erica Perry twangs a bit ‘billy with her “Whiskey in My Eggnog.” Not so far gone yet, but anticipating going that far. Girl can sing.

For a change of taste Michael Hackbart, Maurice Johnson, and Elliot Live serve up “Vodka Eggnog.” Dissing whiskey results in some fun rhymes. These are nearly talented, sassy entertainers. I have to give it up for tart over talent.

Drink N.B. Merry: nog6

The strangest spiking of the ‘nog is a popular, though underground song entitled “The Eggnog Song.” It’s not alcohol this time. And everyones faces seem to melt. There are club versions by Jacob Alexander (masterful), Richard White (earnest), Shawn Ryan (loungey), and Emily Clarke (shrill). But let’s give it up for (i believe) the originator: Chris Critelli. (It’s the oldest posting i can find.) Buckle up this one’s a doozy.

Drink N.B. Merry: nog5

A few songs have raised the roof in correlation with raising the blood alcohol index. Eggnog is not required to be hard, but many enjoy it that way.

If it’s a surprise, then someone SPIKED that drink. Who would do that?

Vaudeville Etiquette parties with country rock (and yodeling), but when that’s not enough “Let’s Spike the Eggnog.” Smells like the 1980s.

Jason O’Brien also recalls old country with “Santa’s Spiked Eggnog.” It’s a saga of elvish betrayal, drunk sleighing, and injustice.

Lil Poverty Angels plays Santa as a playa making the BillCosby move with “Santa Spiked the Eggnog.” It’s rap with a suspiciously ’90s fun backbeat.

Accidental Airplay also rap out “Who Spiked the Eggnog?” These kids are a 9.5 on the wild-o-meter to begin with, but with the addition of alkey-hall—oh my. Some nice solos (they also take turns adding to the punchbowl too–gum!?) makes this a party song. And a half.

The real (white) deal on sneaking in daddy-juice belongs to Straight No Chaser. They make a Scooby Doo case out of the crime in the big band style a cappella “Who Spiked the Eggnog?” It was me.

Drink N.B. Merry: nog4

A few of our eggnog noels have been upbeat. You may have noticed the dairy case chockablock with this product seasonally: people do like it.  So bring on the paeans!

Most uncontrollably excited about this beverage are The Elves. I’m not sure of the provenance of this piece, but my own mentor Pete the Elf slipped me a copy of this hyperactive high octave cacophony wherein Santa’s helpers dip into the fridge and… and… well, you’ll see:

The Hungry Food Band (is that you Matt Farley?) rides the fence about the popularity of this drink, until he finally lounge sings “Eggnog is Very Yummy.” I believe him.

Amoeba People have a strong defense for the poorly regarded seasonality of “The Complicated Saga of Egg Nog and Yule log.” It’s a Singalong with Mitch lesson for us all. If you can last, they do rock it all out.

Berni Hubbard shoulda been lumped in with our amateurs, but “Eggnog (Whilst I’m on the Bog) Song” is so cold, calculated, and dedicated to Dr. Who (!?), i have to showcase it with these other party poems. The bog here BTW is the toity (where she ‘has a poo’).

Also less than professional comes Ian Palmer and Tommy Keough with a benediction to the awesomeness of ‘nog is “Eggnog Song.” White boys rapping about the white boy sitch’. It’s way too long, thinks it’s way too funny, way too mismastered. But it’s from a place of love.

Box Lunch goes all out on a cable access show from way back with “Heavy Metal Eggnog Song.” Worrying about brushing your teeth afterwards, may not make these boys true iconoclasts, but i do wonder where they are today.

Drink N.B. Merry: nog3

Eggnog is such an inspiration, people of all talents find themselves compelled to compose complaints of compotation involving this tradition. So screw your courage to its sticking place and lean in closely….

The so-called Vid Meister presents a child’s Christmas in swallows with his “The Eggnog Song.” Slightly better that adorable, slightly worse than doggerel. But he does like the stuff.

At the family bacchanal, Garet Robinson debuts his attempt at minstrelsy with his “The Eggnog Song.” There’s a song in there somewhere, if his in-laws would keep up accompaniment. Also likes ‘nog.

Harley-Grace (and Dad beatboxing) celebrates with “The Eggnog Song.” It’s short, but includes outtakes. At least Dad is embarrassing.

Christy Davis has got some onstage pipes catapulting “Granny’s ‘Special’ Eggnog” into clear novelty blues greatness–but this cell phone capture is so horrible, i have to include her alcoholic glamorization in this dumping ground.

The First to Fall bang the garage loudly with their “The Eggnog Song.” Props for energy. Question marks for lyrics.

The ukulele girl who goes by theosankh has posted her own “The Eggnog Song,” for which she apologizes; through which she plods uncertainly, and in which she swears (but she’s adorkable enough [her youtube channel is ‘Let’s Get Cereal’] not to earn a family warning). This is a personal tribute so prepare yourself for raw feelings.

Weird Paul Petrosky (Al never copyrighted that epithet i guess) rolls all over his synthesized piano and never quite gets around to saying eggnog. But in “Try the Christmas Drink!” you know he’s insisting on our themed mixture as a holiday tradition that must not be passed up.

Drink N.B. Merry: nog2

‘Nog, like fruitcake, can be mere allusion to crappy Christmas property. Never had some? Who cares! It’s a quick reference to stupid adulthood–HA HA HA HA.

Sadly, some songs check the old eggnog box without any development. These can be fine Xmas tributes (ironic, sardonic, euphonic), but as salutes to sustenance–meh.

First Aid Kit chastises you nasty yulers with the garage rock manifesto “Do You Smell Eggnog?” Not so much about drink as about sin. Images of debauchery and sexual violence for the kiddies.

The Casual (featuring Ricky Armellino) tell an emo tale of Christmas miscommunication which hardly ever mentions “Eggnog.” It does BLUE ALERT defend LGBQT individuals angrily. And musically.

Julia Francis and Susan McIntyre perform a one-minute song in a one-minute song festival out of Seattle. “The Eggnog Song” is full of aphorism and attitude and touches on eggnog in a folk rock girl power aside.

Girl punk obscures just about everything in Electrocutes’ “Eggnog.” ‘Mnot sure if eggnog is sampled at all in this anger-chant. Pogo.

Caroline Schiff returns us to pretty prim poetry. Her “We’re Out of Eggnog” addresses bourgeois problems of this time of year, including i guess the ‘nog. Call me a sucker for mandolin tinkling, and a happy ending.

Many jazz noodlers have their own instrumental background music for the holidays entitled Eggnog for no particular reason, but Birmingham’s own, The Twang, have a nice number interrupted with the title (a la ‘Tequila’ or ‘Wipeout’) for a not ‘nog significant, but otherwise musically meritorious melody. Mm!

Me likee Richard Cummins singing coffeehouse morose about the holidays in “Egg Nog (The Norman Rockwell Mix).” It’s folk rock celebration with side eye.

Drink N.B. Merry: nog1

Start the party, it’s EGGNOG time!

It’s a drinking theme; it’s Xmas; it’s novelty songs here at parody palace… who did you think was going to happen?! Perhaps a pop song parody?

A bunch of college bros got together and flipped Kendrick Lamar’s ‘Swimming Pools (Drank)’ with their own “Christmas Pools (Nog)” which only shows to go ya that this dairy product is selective, seductive, and addictive. Down the hiphop hatch, batch-head.

Just as odd, BLUE ALERT, ‘Jin & Juice’ by the estimable Snoop Dogg gets a twist by Chad Carman with “Eggnog N’ Gifts.” And my mind on my presents, and my presents on my mind. FM morning show fertilizer, folks.

Eggnog is just another easy funny substitute, like the word pants in any Star Wars line. Some parodies, like Kelis’ ‘Milkshake’s moronic falsetto fake-out by NFFD productions “My Eggnog Brings All the Boys to the Ramp.” Don’t. Just don’t.

So, what’s it going to be, buttermilk? Well, try on some Gastronomical Unit! More college boys who really put the extras credit effort into novelty Christmas music throughout the ’90s. Today you may enroll in their Holiday Feast collections–worth it! If “Eggnog #5” doesn’t Lou Bega convince you (with a recipe), then savor homage to Depeche Mode: “Tainted Eggnog.” That’s pure parody power, pal.