Toymakers Local 1224: grievances-7

Eban Schlepper starts his “Song of the Working Elves” singing, then devolves into a comedy bit. After a violent, horrifying message about our own culture we get back to the music. Santa once again is off the hook: it’s the system to blame. We get the toyland we deserve. Skippety-doodle ding dong day.

Toymakers Local 1224: grievances-6

We’ve already learned from Seth McFarland’s “Christmas Time is Killing Us” (back in 4/9/2016) that there’s too much to do for the elves. But in that version Santa is the elves’ shop steward and suffers their fate as well.

In Matt Groening’s competition, Futurama, the elves are now Neptunians who have it really tough even with new masters. “The Christmas Elves Song” is an appropriate round of everlasting refrain, but pepped up with merciless inspiration–i guess those menials deserve their lot in life. Think Sinclair’s The Jungle.

Toymakers Local 1224: grievances-5

Dan Crow sings songs for children. He’s contributed to TV and movies (including the Big Show: Disney). So i’m delighted to see some artful agenda in his “I’m an Elf” song. Hey kids! It would suck to be at the receiving end of those endless wish list letters! And you better watch out! Big Brother Santa is monitoring your elf work work work work work work…. (I never considered the dry skin problem.)

Toymakers Local 1224: grievances-2

The Funny Music Project (FuMP) brings us many treasures each year. Here’s one from Marc Gunn of the Brobdingnagian Bards (a Renn faire duo based out of Austin). “The Celtic Christmas Elf Conscription Song” is based on the ‘Recruiter Sergeant,’ an Irish folk song. They know a thing or two about being impressed into someone else’s trouble. Although i suspect this has more to do with co-opting that timeless tradition of elves into something crass and commercial (that isn’t Tolkien).

Toymakers Local 1224: grievances-1

Okay, we’ve reached Labor Day on my calendar. This will be our 122nd such observance of the muesli that built this infrastructure, which predates the rest of the world’s May Day by 10 years. So there.

Are the elves satisfied without contract? Are they genetically disposed to such endless workloads? Do we care?

Try the manifesto “Elf’s Lament” by Barenaked Ladies. If BnL’s list of demands outlining indentured servitude without union doesn’t foment a face-to-face about conditions… well, i guess we’ll talk about violence as a means to an end later on. At least feel guilty about your long list, kids.

Toymakers Local 1224-happytimes-4

Do elves ever get outta town?

Well, there’s that creepy Big Brother “The Elf by the Shelf” who is INSIDE YOUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW!! The Kids Christmas Party Band attempt to minimize the creep factor with a bouncy little number. But yergh, stop helicoptering.

Off Santa’s sweat shop property–but campus adjacent–is “Elf U.” They learn a valuable trade here, just like they would locked away in any other state-run institution. Sadly, no elocution classes (still sound like chipmunks). Daniel Dennis adds a bit o’ spice here to make it funny, but i really like the chant ‘Elf U! Elf U!’ ’cause it sounds naughty.

Toymakers Local 1224: happytimes-3

It’s all about work ethic for these elves at Christmas!

Songs for Children lays it on thick (‘No time for shirking!’ ‘When you work and sing it’s not a chore!’) in “Santa’s Workshop Song.” Build low, sweet chariots, Santa’s for to carry them to homes….

‘We work all day. To us it’s play.’ So goes Elf Magic’s rocking guitar riffing tantalizing repeated refrain in their “Getting Things Ready for Christmas.” Even the rap battle interlude overlaps WORK! PLAY! until you can’t tell the difference. (Check out the quality control elf—brrr.)

Documenting the chores like it’s a hella labor, The Elf Cottage Elves warn us what it’s really like “At Santa’s Workshop.” But somehow ‘so much to do’ becomes ‘so much fun.’ Freedom is slavery; ignorance is strength.

The Ghost Script singing “We are Elves” also reminds me of 1984 with the dehumanized looks and electronic marching music. Some aphorisms got by me, but i think there’s something about sleep being for the weak. Damn.

1985’s Santa Claus, The Movie flopped partly because some fantasies shouldn’t have big budgets and special effects. The elves scene “Making Toys” is annoyingly frightening, and doesn’t mesh with Henry Mancini’s song. Quite upliftingly symphonic, though.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJaqn9syMJQ