I’m not running low on alcoholic Xmas music, but i have an odd subcategory to share with you: drinking/drunk with Jesus. These songs hardly mention the holidays, but it’s thematic. And some of these rock.
Leave it to Jello Biafra and Mojo Nixon to get déclassé on “Are You Drinkin’ With Me Jesus?” Honky tonk rock with just the right levels of snark: can you walk on that much beer? Guffaw. The Gravel Spreaders pick and grin on this song, too. Still funny the second time.
Roy Payne takes a moment to scare the bejesus out of you with a quiet country “Drinking Beer with Jesus.” A sermon at the fount. (Cheap shot on Jerry Springer, though.)
Thomas Rhett drawls out his “Beer With Jesus” with a bit more ham-fisting preaching. This is deep country, boy. Got God?
Hopeless alcoholism might turn around with the miracle of Christmas. Mark Gostnell introduces us to his bottom of the barrel life in “Jesus Talks to Me When I’m Drunk.” Keep your sponsor’s number handy for when this growling folk piece winds up.
Here’s a rocker for you. Red Elvises rockabillicize some Latino for “Drinking with Jesus.” These Russkies command me to party. I must obey.
Hey wait–that’s not Santa who’s drunk, it’s Daddy!
The big dog of novelty songs for drunk Xmas daddies is John Denver’s “Please Daddy (Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas).” His angelic voice makes this saccharine slice of cheese barely tolerable. Alan Jackson clones this into a hit for a later generation, adding but a nasal twang. Laurie Leblanc makes it swing, honky tonk like. The Original Five stamp bluegrass all over it, and make it a party. Crossfire makes it lounge rock, just about a 6 on the Elvis meter. Sean Na Na makes it surfer rock, with bongos man. Harry Buttocks and the Hemorrhoids make it punk, but sweetly. Hot Socky make it punk, but nasty.
Smiley Bates slurs his Canadian country music all over “Daddy’s Drinking All Our Christmas.” That’s honky tonk music what’ll give you a hangover. Tommy Hester covers this with a bit more crooning, just as much pain.
A man and a couple chords can strum up a story. Rod Picott even adds some violin and a splash of percussion but keeps his “Dad’s Drunk Again on Christmas” simple and moving. It’s not just a song, it’s the funny horror of living in that household.
Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen bring the sentiment home for me with “Daddy’s Drinking Up Our Christmas.” These down home musicians who smoked every brand of country there was (and hit once with ‘Hot Rod Lincoln’ in ’71) know how to effect every affect out of strings and vocals. Drink it in, cousins. (The Christmas Jug Band have a sadder version. Skip it. John Guliak over enunciates his pop version. Skip it too.)
Drinking and driving have been addressed in this blog heretofore, but Santa’s weaving through the sky is so seminal that we need another day’s worth of holiday hijinx to cover the sorry topic.
At least one ‘Grandma Got Run Over’ parody might slip in. Haven’t had one in a couple months. At least Kevin Binkley plays it deadpan in “Santa Got Pulled Over by the DOT.” He he.
Alcoholics Unanimous rage rock “Santa Claus DWI” in a rather charming old fashioned lilt. Ha ha.
Word and Record usually deliver a fine bundle of comedy and “Santa Got Picked up for a DUI” is more fun. Tight bluegrass, a crisp yodeling range of harmony… ahhh.
Occasionally just anyone thinks they canister the novelty Christmas music game. Rigo Sebastiani works “Santa got a DUI” without much musical backup, or talent. But he sells his vision of funny. I buy it anyway.
At other times soft alt gets so weird that by the time I recover from my hypnotic state I’m not sure what I was listening to. Debt of Nature presents exhibit no. 1 with “Santa Claus is DUI (Full of Love).” I can’t stop listening, but what the fugue state?
Rocking and rolling Steve and The Jiggi Verandah Band lean into “Santa Went DUI.” It’s as cool as a monotone, but it is cool.
Johnnie Clutch & The Rumbleseats retro the whole deal with a frosty number entitled “Santa’s Too Drunk to Drive.” Elves and reindeers, prepare to be rocked. Wild. (The Hot Rods also do “Santa’s Too Drunk to Drive” with a cutesy intro: ratchet it back, boys.)
Santa stumbles into the wrong crib in Stevie Rite’s “I Got Santa Claus Drunk.” This rap fable reveals the lure alcohol (and other drugs) have on travelers during the Christmas holiday.
Not only urban ballers, but cajun cats corrupt the Claus. “The Night That Me and Santa Claus Got Drunk” refers to Travis Matte and a certain weak-willed delivery man in a reindeer adjacent vehicle.
Alex Anthony’s troubles lead him to the bottom of a glass in “Santa Got Drunk.” He is wildly energetic for such a sad holiday sordidity. And i suspect Santa isn’t drunk at all in this song about writing a song. Hey.
Matt Rogers’s “Drunk Santa is Coming to Town” delivers all the sophomoric FM DJ humor you could hope for. Check your list, seriously, this has all the comic tropes to play at your holiday Vegas-themed frat party.
Gary Craig one ups that parody with a Bing-along “Drunken Santa’s Comin’ to Town.” Different lyrics, more style, same humor mined.
The DiRaffs play it light cautioning ‘he shouldn’t fly’ in “Ho Ho Ho 2 (It’s a Drunk Santa).” This light pop rock from an undisclosed bunker is easy breezy stuff bordering on grownup boy band. But the message seems outraged. Huh.
An epic tale of Santa crashing, thrashing, then dashing off to AA comes by way of The Folksinger (Bill Evenhouse). “Drunk Santa!” is Celtic light and fluffy stuff and i think all kids (of alcoholic parents) should hear it.
Going full out children’s song, Corey Ott hopes you’ll play along with the ironic “Santa Got Drunk This Year.” If you elect to wink and nod you’ll have a silly billy fun time with that rummy lush.
Clyde Lasley and the Cadillac Baby Specials close the joint down with their bluesy rocking “Santa Came Home Drunk” from the early days when R+B was about to become RnR. It’s a fun tale of woe. You may dance.
It doesn’t take much imagination to discover the loads Santa is suffering under. Television Television presents Da North Pole Crew singing “Santa Got Drunk” because he’s just not loved. Come on, family Claus: stand by your fat man in this country comic gold. (Spoiler Alert: happy ending–except maybe for the reindeer.)
We seem to be moving backwards following drunk Santa. The previous post was about the Jolly One in rehab. Did we miss the signs? Of course not. Follow the bouncing tonsils which will sing us the songs of soused Santa.
The Uncle Louis Show discovers “Santa Claus e Ubriaco” in a couple languages. It’s corrida lite, gentle and reverent. So yay for Kris.
Doug and Glenn slide the piano player roll across the floor with their sloshy “Santa Claus Got Drunk.” I think they didn’t get the Transformer they wanted when they were eight and it’s payback time. Ouch.
Cranking up (out) the experimental garage rock The Austins snark out “Santa Got Drunk This Year.” There may be a lot they don’t get. But they are making some music.
Titty Twister Band scream their faux hair metal “Santa and Rudolph are Alcoholics” in a most amusing fashion. Well until they try a Cops skit a couple minutes in.
Rockabilly should help and Brian Eckleberry and Matt Tompkins of Omaha Live! bring it. But “Drunk Santa” is cleared for radio play because it ticks off all the comedy boxes without eliciting actual laughter.
Proper blues from Fathead proclaims “Santa’s Drunk.” This is a raging tune, but clean and within the lines. It’s my kind of funk.
More than a couple Christmas rehab songs feature the big man, St. Nicholas. It’s time to deal with a stinko Santa y’all.
Wasi flavors their girl rock with Celtic punk giggling out that every Christmas morning Santa checks into “Christmas Rehab.” I’m not sensing sympathy for the red man.
Also ridiculing our favorite present-er, David Gray sneaks in a smidge of Calypso singing “Christmas in Rehab” in his front room. There’s barf, a small swear word, and a Kanye reference. How could it not be funny?
Mike Mullen mocks Amy Winehouse’s ‘Rehab’ with his “Christmas Rehab.” It’s silly and beats the drunk Santa joke with a bag of toys.
Much more playfully Adam’s House Cat tells us “Santa’s Out of Rehab by Christmas.” It’s a jug band family affair (except for Daddy) with some gleeful musicality.
Post aftermath the holiday drunkeness friends may stage an intervention. All the world’s a stage, but you can’t use the exits in rehab. Play your part, dry out, maybe sing a song to laugh it off.
Cledus T. Judd, of course, has a bouncy country number “Christmas is Rehab.” Kacey Jones wackado-es this song with quick strums and flautist-ence. I, however, prefer the dirty folk version of the same song at a Holiday Inn by Richard Fagan. The pathos and Atticism mix well with the ball cap, oversized sunglasses, and endless unwashed tresses. Well done.
Dylan-esque blues from Willie Hensen in the form of a rogues gallery of recovering patrons: “Christmas in Rehab.” He gets into it, so i’m buying it as a Christmas miracle of hope.
John Prine-esque folk from Grover Windham in the form of confessional: “Christmas in Rehab.” It’s gritty and dirty, so i’m wishing him merry and moving to the other side of the room.
Also making amends, Joe Thistel leans into the country music with his “Xmas in Rehab Again.” It might be the filter on the vocals, but it sounds soul-searching.
More redneck humor arrives from the jolly holiday tune posted by superpont. Some club? Some bubbas foolin’ around? It’s bar-de-har humor entitled “Christmas Time in Rehab.”
Soul sisters The Thiams add some calliope to their RnB for a drowsy up and down trip back to the bar. It makes me dizzy, Mommy. “Christmas Hangover” is fun for all ages, but regretted by the adults after it’s over.
Muskrat Roberts gets is Richard Farnsworth on with his whining country mumble-mouthed “All I Got for Christmas was a Hangover.” A cautionary tale, to be sure. But he chuckles throughout.
Charles Attard assist Cheryl Camileri have a little skit to go with their bluesy rock lounge act in their front room. “Christmas Hangover” here is a sore point that fuels their Xmas bickering (‘It’s Rudolph, not Adolph!’). They’re cute, but they’re no Timbuk3 (despite trying). And yeah avoid that hangover thing.
A little rockabilly will tempt and taunt you. Book Club’s “Christmas Morning Hangover” at times overlaps tracks, grows discordant, and yells. But it ends on a sweet message while combining studio antics, antique home movies, and amateur animation in an adorable way. Fun fun fun when this hangover’s done.
That unhappy refractory period after Christmas drinking is a badge of honor for the young. Jack hurt me, they boast. I can’t function as a human being since I awoke, they quip.
John French Bray soft rocks his “Christmas Hangover” every year to new video making sfx, though he can’t quite figure the lip syncing–which makes me nauseated and headachy. It’s just another season, he seems to say. Routine.
Sounding like the ’60s Gentlemen Jesse and His Men also pledge their morning after pain to the Christ birth in “Christmas Hangover.” It was an honor to be over served.
Announcing that they have the inside of their mouths like an Arab’s underpants (as one might say), Arrogant Worms delivers us unto “Christmas Hangover,” a show tune worthy of church choir-ing. The scenario is horrifying, but the musification merry. It’s irony for the kids ‘cuz–see–they think hangovers are funny.
More consequences for over-imbibing over the High Mass? Waking up and not knowing where you are… wait are there bars, the vertical iron-kind?
The well known tragic life leading up to this eye-opener is from The Pogues. “Fairytale of New York” might’ve originally been entitled ‘Christmas Eve in the Drunk Tank’ or sumpin like that.
The Traditionals ‘billy up their punk with a tale of woe in “In the Drunk Tank on Christmas.” I hope you woke up on your side with your dancing shoes on.
