Behold a Star: Lady Gaga (Adam Sandler)/Josh Groban

Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta as Lady Gaga has dropped five whole albums in less than 10 years but has broken world records and become a part of the cultural lexicon for her, how do you say?–boldness.

René Marcellus and Christina Hondromihalis have a parody of Lady Gaga that’s not so straight up. In 2010 they posted a Hannukah song to her (and Adam Sandler–they have a Funny or Die routine begging him to put them in a movie). This is not only a pastiche to her music, it is a tribute and–oh, i guess she’s not Jewish.

Since we’re recycling some of my previous discoveries, take note of Joshua Winslow Groban, a Californian high schooler who filled in for Andrea Bocelli at the Grammies and rocketed to fame. Fortunately it did not make him into an enormous dick: he’s into dozens of philanthropic endeavors even though he’s gone multiplatinum pretty much every recording.

13 Hands (a holistic New Jersey healing and comedy enclave) has a yummy ‘Holy Night’ tribute for Mr. Groban that makes me think i can fill a whole month with Christmas songs that simps repeat one phrase over and over (ahh–my funny bone… it tingles!). Pleas enjoy “Josh Grow Bean.”

Behold a Star: Janet Jackson

Janet Damita Jo Jackson was the youngest of daddy Joe’s musical flea circus. She brought her name recognition to a masterfully branded musical/pornographic career from the beginning of the ’90s to today. As a result she’s controversial to a fault: is her high point ‘Poetic Justice’ or her Virgin Records dolla-dolla deal? Is her low point the FCC halftime 1/2 a million fine or ‘The Nutty Professor II: The Klumps’? I guess there’s some songs in there as well….

Rabid fan Mike Freeland has a couple amateur song parody wishes: “Christmas Song to Janet Jackson 2012 pt.1” and “Christmas Song to Janet Jackson 2012 pt.2.” (Also “Janet Baby“–not as good! “This Christmas“–plays to his weaknesses as a singer! “Janet, Won’t You Call Me Tonight“–he gets insistent! “I Hope Janet Will Give Me a Call“–he’s starting to crack! “O Janet, Please“–he’s begging! “12 Days to Janet“–skip it!) Stalker creepy? Hell to the yeah!!

Behold a Star: Spice Girls

Girl power in the ’90s resulted in overhyped bands like The Spice Girls: Melanie Brown (“Scary Spice”), Melanie Chisholm (“Sporty Spice”), Emma Bunton (“Baby Spice”), Geri Halliwell (“Ginger Spice”), and Victoria Beckham, née Adams (“Posh Spice”). Their pop music was danceable fluff; their fun-fueled lifestyle was the role model for fan-forward female empowerment.

Which threatened the boys and resulted in cornball gutter comedy like Z100’s “Spice Girls Got Knocked Up by a Reindeer.” The cleaned up version by the same PDX radio station was “Spice Girls Got Run Over by a Reindeer.” Don’t compare.

[Is it okay to include “New Kids Got Run Over by a Reindeer” in the same breath?]

Behold a Star: Ozzy Osbourne

Now it devolves into comedic parody.

John Michael Osbourne fronted Black Sabbath through the ’70s, soloed in the ’80s, and with a little help from savvy spouse Sharon branded in the ’90s. He is a punchline for his mush mouthed mumbling, an icon for his fearless geeking onstage, and a Hall of Famer for what his presence did to metal.

So of course Bob Rivers gots to has some of dat. “Have Yourself an Ozzy Little Christmas” is straight-faced and sweet as blood orange pudding.

Behold a Star: Wham!

Wham! was the Top of the Pops sensation created by members Andrew Ridgeley and George Michael. They helped shape the whispery androgyny of the ’80s pop music scene, even if they flamed out quickly.

The Boy Least Likely To chronicles their struggle with fame in “George and Andrew” (no, it IS a Christmas song). This is sung in the style of Wham! (pastiche) but it’s totally a shout out to these boys. Happy Holidays!

Behold a Star: Harry Nilsson

And this song is why i chose this theme this month.

Harry Nilsson was on my young man music radar from the kids’ movie ‘The Point’ and i probably heard ‘Me and My Arrow’ as a personal inner soundtrack throughout my teens. Sure he wrote for the Monkees and Three Dog Night, created the tune for the opening of ‘Courtship of Eddie’s Father’ and most of the songs for the Robin Williams’s ‘Popeye’ movie, and won a Grammy for the love theme for ‘Midnight Cowboy.’ But it wasn’t until SFO Dave hipped me to his cult-like underappreciated 1970s albums that i realized this guy’s an actual artist. (And a carouser, i guess.)

Todd McHatton was also inspired enough to write “A Christmas Song for Harry Nilsson.” So you’re cool by association, Todd. Thanks.

Behold a Star: Johnny Cash

J.R. Cash grew up in the Great Depression and his hard living helped inform country music of today. All the morass of tragedy and heartbreak in CW songs from the ’60s on come largely from his trembling hound dog sorrowful baritone. All 90 million albums.

Jamie Cooper warbles and warps previous Cash songs to mash up “Merry Christmas to You (How the Spirit of Johnny Cash Helped Santa).” It’s a barn burner of a mess and i slowed down to watch it all. (Is there some Bob Dylan in there too–or Cash’s take on Dylan?!

Behold a Star: Bob Dylan

Robert Zimmerman is a Grammy, Pulitzer, Nobel prize winner with more awards than hit songs. He has a pass for everything he’s tried and failed at since 1972 (DO NOT attempt to listen to his Christmas album) because he was cool once upon a time and captured the spirit of disenfranchisement of the Boomers.

Shaun McCrindle sings the true story of a holiday sighting with “Bob Dylan’s in a Joke Shop” with laconic folk rocking. Appropriate.

Adam J Taylor honors Bob Dylan with “Sexy Bob Dylan Christmas,” conjuring a feeling for this time of year that is important, activist, and sexy. Well, that’s what he says. I find the song earnest and odd in equal measures.

Behold a Star: Ringo Starr

Richard Starkey might be the fifth Beatle, a Skiffle player who replaced Pete Best. But boyhowdee did he stand out from the other mop tops. Not handsome or smart or even plain, Ringo was the talking dog of The Beatles. Girls wanted to keep him under the bed and take him out and play with him.

Christine Hunter gets silly with song references in “Santa Bring Me Ringo.” I think she means it.

Three Blonde Mice don’t have quite the quickened vocals as The Chipmunks, but dig that twist/bosa nova beat/sax. Overall, however, “Ringo Bells” is just painful.

Gary Ferrier applied Canadian élan to pop rock to celebrate “Ringo Deer.” That’s right, one of Santa’s fliers (probably Cupid) with a Beatles’ haircut. Check this 1964 fan piece out.

Behold a Star: The Beatles

The Beatles are the #1 highest-certified music artists in the United States based on album certifications by the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA). Their reign from 1960 to 1970 can not be overstated. So, whatever.

Dora Bryan might seem to borrow a couple chords from ‘Hippopotamus,’ but “All I Want for Christmas is a Beatle” is so annoying i’ll call it all-original.