Year-round Yuletide oddities
This song by the American band Disturbed was released as the third single from their debut studio album… one of their best-known songs and a concert staple, usually played last… their first single to be certified platinum in the United States by the Recording Industry Association of America.
Dave Malosh (The Paybacks) does this for an FM radio bit of nastiness via “Get Down with the Christmas.”
Blink-182’s second single released from their third album was created as something “really catchy and basic”… promptly charted worldwide… a number one hit on Billboard’s Modern Rock Tracks chart… peaked at number two on the UK Singles Chart… number six on the Billboard Hot 100… the band’s most successful single to date… selected by Rolling Stone as one of the “100 Greatest Pop Songs”… listed in the 2010 book 1001 Songs You Must Hear Before You Die.
The Krazy Kyles rock in your face “Tree Lights, Stockings.” Voices are almost too pretty, but their aim is true.
DMX released this (on radio as ‘What You Want’) as the third single from his third album… featured Def Soul singer Sisqó… was billed on the front cover as ‘The Biggest in Rap meets The Biggest in R&B’… subject matter was past women in DMX’s life… made it to #49 on Billboard‘s Hot 100… #11 on their Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Songs.
Daquan Wiltshire gets racist wit’ it in “What These Kids Want.” Laugh if you dare.
From Creed’s second studio album, Human Clay this song topped the Billboard Hot Mainstream Rock Tracks chart (most airplay of a track from an album) for four weeks in July 2000… topped the Billboard‘s Adult Top 40 chart for eight weeks… hit number one on the Billboard Hot 100 on the issue date… the music video topped VH1’s top ten countdown in 2000… won Scott Stapp and Mark Tremonti a Grammy Award for Best Rock Song… also nominated for Best Rock Vocal Performance by a Duo or Group.
Tobuscus self censors a ****** funny “Creed Parody of ‘With Arms Wide Open.'” One of my favorites.
The 3 Doors Down song was originally released as a demo for local play by 97.9 WCPR-FM in Biloxi, Mississippi… first charted on the Mainstream Rock Tracks chart reaching number-one for 9 weeks… then hit the Modern Rock Tracks also staying at number-one for 11 weeks… one of the longest-running songs on the chart… reached number one on the Pop Songs chart for 5 non-consecutive weeks… peaked at number 4 on the Adult Top 40 chart… number 3 on the Billboard Hot 100… the band’s highest-charting single there.
ApologetiX feel with the birth of JC with their “Christmasnite.” Hard rocking gospelity.
Lou Bega’s mambo and jive dance song (originally by Cuban Dámaso Pérez Prado in 1949) was a hit in the United Kingdom and in Australia, where it reached number-one… stayed at number-one in Australia for eight weeks, ultimately becoming the best-selling single of the year… also topped almost every chart in continental Europe… number-one in France for 20 weeks (longer than any stay at the top spot ever on the US or UK charts)… reached number 3 on the Billboard Hot 100 in the US on November 2, 1999, giving Bega his only Top 40 hit in the US… seven-year copyright trial between Prado’s estate.
ApologetiX’s scriptural annunciation courtesy of “Micah No. 5.”
Faith Hill’s first single from her album, Faith became a crossover single… #1 on the U.S. and Canadian country charts… reaching Top 10 on the US pop and Adult Contemporary charts, as well as Top Ten in Australia and Top 20 in the United Kingdom… nominated for two Grammy Awards… became the soundtrack for the 1998 movie ‘Practical Magic.’
Cledus T. Judd takes on this fairy number with “Christmas” showing his hillbilly wit.
This became Dion’s biggest hit…the world’s best-selling single of 1998… one of the best-selling singles of all time… considered to be Dion’s signature song… included in the list of Songs of the Century, by the Recording Industry Association of America and the National Endowment for the Arts… worldwide sales estimated at 18 million copies… became the second best selling single by a female artist in history and the eighth overall.
Christine Aziz does the impersonation hotel comedy gig to great effect with the Santa ballad “Christmas Spoof of ‘My Heart will Go on’.”
Blackstreet’s hot hit reached number one on the BillboardHot 100… also in New Zealand… number nine in the United Kingdom… ended ‘Macarena”s 14-week reign atop the Billboard Hot 100… ranked at number 91 on Rolling Stone and MTV: 100 Greatest Pop Songs… ranked at #32 on VH1’s 100 Greatest Songs of the ’90s… sold 1.6 million copies in 1996… won the 1998 Grammy Award for Best R&B Performance by a Duo or Group with Vocals… nominated for Grammy Award for Best R&B Song.
The positivism lifted up Axiom to one of these rare Christmas parodies that preaches gospel rather than sasses secular. “So Christmassy” is classy and talented. Testify to the ‘eve.
Another year over and what have we learned? Nothing! Comedy is the antidote to learning, it reinforces tropes without adding new info. Wit on the other hand can trigger many emotions. Let’s roller coaster through last year!
A year ago December i took on listing, and wanting, and asking for Christmas. My favorite, reeking of childish torment and maudlin nostalgia comes from Heywood Banks: “Dearest Mr. Santa Claus.” (fyi-‘Uncle Wiggily’ is a board game) 
Heartstrings may be tugged!
Last January i took a hard look at American Christmassing in all its patriotic glory and cheap shot criticism. The most delighted i got was with a ‘Hamilton’ all-out parody spotlighting Rudolph: thusly, Eclipse 6’s a cappella “Hamildolph”!!! You may believe a B’way in-joke can impress you.
For February it was a love fest of mistletoe songs. So i’ll settle for softcore. Sure we live in dangerous times of harassment and abuse of power, but the over-bleached, over-augmented, under-dressed twerker still has a place on the internet. Courtney ‘Cane’ Stodden coos “Mistletoe Bikini.”
March heralds in the other JC holiday, so we explored songs holy and lowly about Our Savior and his b.day. Oddest of all was the e-card from JibJab featuring Five-Toes, the two-tongued cat, a centurion cat on guitar, and an under-aged kitten chorus of dancers singing about what appropriate gift there might for the Son of God. “Power Drill for Jesus.”
Now begins my enormous culinary odyssey. April was all about Eating for Christmas in song. Most diet-inducing is the gut-wrenching peripeteia in Paul and Storm’s vaudeville bluegrass “Grandma’s Christmas Dinner.” Ugh.
Next were the sweet things of Christmas. Man oh man: candy canes, cookies, mince pies, the menu was inexhaustible. If i had to pick one, i’d go with the amazing (hoax-y) collection from Asche & Spencer writing for advertising co. Borders Perrin Norrander for the Oregon Lottery pitch for their fruitcake scratchoffs. Let’s just feature “Merry Christmas Fruitcake!”
After sweets came Christmas drinks. Mostly cocktails, though some cocoa and eggnog snuck in there. Of all the alcohol, the most uninhibited song came from Kevin Kline singing as Mr. Fischoeder from the Bob’s Burgers cartoon, a bastion of novelty music in itself.
July extended the drinking Christmas song game to getting drunk for the holidays. A tremendous amount of talent goes in to singing about this. Hard to narrow it down. Guess it’ll settle for comedy by way of Axis of Awesome. “Drunk at Christmas” laughs at, with, to, and from this serious social issue.
Ditto for drugs. The next month was Stoned for Xmas, and after all the pot songs, inappropriately addictable pop tunes, & sneering strung-out melodrama, i’d like to take a moment to reflect with Gregory Page via “Crack & Christmas.” This isn’t much about drug-induced states, but it delves into the mindset of those who need to. Depressing folk, okay–but relevant and moving.
My inspiration for September was celebrity toasting, inspired by Todd McHatton’s “Christmas Song for Harry Nilsson.” I heard of this guy from a cookie song he did and i had to buy his album sight unseen. Worth it.
Afterwards i noodled around the Youtube hunting down parodies of famous songs. One i almost missed was from Moneyshot Cosmonauts spoofing on Dark Side of the Moon and soothing my Pink Floyd needs with “North Side of the Pole: Part 4” (Don’t miss Parts 5 & 6, too). Maybe indulge in Part 2 as well if you’ve got black lights. (Other parts harder to come by.)
Damn that’s good.