As Seen on TV: Pokémon

The highest grossing media franchise of all time does indeed have a Christmas album, Virginia. It varies from smelly schmaltz (“I’m Giving Santa a Pikachu for Christmas“)

to annoying preteen pop (“Christmas is the Coolest Time of the Year“)

to oddly affecting altpop (“I Keep My Home in My Heart.”)

The all out unabashed commercial fan grab is “Pokemon Christmas Bash.” Hello, Pallet Town!

My favorite (?) is the snarky Meowth snarling “Nobody Don’t Like Christmas.” All holidays come under fire. But, wait for the final twist. Show tune vaudeville.

 

 

As Seen on TV: Ed, Edd n Eddy

Naturalism is a form of theater that celebrates the bottom rung of humanity, illustrating and educating us to the indomitable human spirit despite adversity. Or makes us laugh at how stupid and ugly the poor are.

The suburban losers of this show at least have an Old World immigrant to think of as less than them. Rolf sings us the “Yeshmiyek Song” which, while not a reverse of Christmas, is a holiday favorite about food and hygiene from a mythical creature of a different land.

As Seen on TV: Gullah Gullah Island

The highest rated preschool show on Nickolodeon in the the ’90s was this critically acclaimed cultural heritage honorarium. Each show was full of songs, including the Xmas episode with Sea Island versions of classic carols.

But they did bless us with a short, sweet encore “Merry Christmas to Ya,” one of the few songs that allows it’s a show wishing an audience cheer.

As Seen on TV: Dexter’s Laboratory/Johnny Bravo/Power Puff Girls

New ‘toons on the Cartoon Network cable channel showcased outsider rage and complicated failure as winkity-wink ironic lessons for hep tots.

“Dexter’s Christmas Rap” reveals what an evil boy genius thinks he knows about the supposed Santa Claus. He will later be humiliated with Truth.

The ape shaped Elvis emulator had a pratfall-filled set of loser adventures rivaling Andrew Dice Clay in cluelessness.

In 2001, Johnny raced to the North Pole because he forget to post his letter to Santa. Donny Osmond, in a return to the cartoon series, assists… in song! “A Johnny Bravo Christmas Song.” Just a snippet in this excerpt.

This prestigious, counterculture cutsie slugfest had a decent holiday special, but i’m drawn to the holiday commercial with song.

Ladies and Gentlemen, “We Three Girls.” Frantic carol parody.

As Seen on TV: MST3K/Space Ghost Coast to Coast

Snarking on crummy old z-grade movies hasn’t really been my giddiap, but Joel Hodgson has been a cottage industry of it for decades now. I’ve only offered one of his songs “Patrick Swayze Christmas” before. “Merry Christmas–If That’s OK” is more sophomoric boys being boys (witty, yes… clever, ok).

As i was a fan of the flagship of Adult Swim toons, i will allow these daffy dadaists to insinuate their way into my blog with a “12 Days of Christmas” routine. (I am usually so jaded with ’12 Days’ parodies i get all Oscar Wilde inside and rush on to something else.) But this one’s super-rando!

This show was nothing more than recycled cartoons i grew up with reimagined as a drug trip of epic oddity. At the end of the Christmas episode was another mangled carol “We Wish You a Happy Birthday.” Click click.

As Seen on TV: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

The Turtles were around for a decade, mid ‘eighties to mid-‘nineties, but the nasty cash grab begins in the early ‘nineties. “We Wish You a Turtle Christmas” is more cheaply made than porn, although it tries harder on the songs than on the dialog because this is the touring rock show in their own special.

Title song gets a cinematic treatment, as the big box office films came out before this video villainy. Pop.

“Michaelangelo’s Christmas Opera Song” is ‘O Tanenbaum’ done funnily. It helps the plot a bit.

“Gotta Get a Gift for Splinter” is percussive ska with an almost catchy beat.

As Seen on TV: The Nanny

This formulaic yet well cast sitcom inspired foreign TV (usually the other way around) with the power of personae. The 1995 Christmas special ‘Oy to the World’ did not apologize for a JAP in a WASP-hold, but shrugged and whirled in cartoon form.

The minute and a half showstopper midway through the morality lesson showcases Daniel Davis as the head elf Elfis welcoming Fran Drescher to Santa’s toyshop. No helpful Youtube exists of this song, so i hacked it as best i could.

As Seen on TV: Rocko’s Modern Life

Many of these cartoons don’t have much to offer in the way of specially written tunes. Sometimes there’s just enough to get me to notice. The wallaby-based series (a try out for the makers of SpongeBob), did what it liked including a couple cool dance tunes in the background of a Christmas episode.

“We’re Gonna Party” is dance music Rocko plays at his own party. Sparkly club swing.

The electronica “Ho Ho Dance” seems to be Santa’s workshop  soundtrack. Definitely dance while you work. Then try some more ritalin.