As Seen on TV: Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends

An independent TV toon that’s lasted for decades and offered music too, this playground of stereotypes need to work through their childish ways and become stiff upper lipped. And sing about being of use (why do i think of Boxer in Animal Farm?).

Not a follower, but i can tell “Glynn’s Christmas Wish” is later on with the uncanny valley scariness of the computer animation. Nice Brit pop story.

More derivatively carol-like, “There’s Snow Place Like Home” just sells it all the way out. Learn, kids, learn!

Less hyper, “It’s Christmas Time” is a measured consideration of pomp and celebration. Stand straight when you sing this one. Then you’ll get a lump of coal in your throat.

As Seen on TV: Garfield and Friends

Like the Simpsons a bit later, this series began with a Christmas special. The songs in ‘A Garfield Christmas’ are standard fare for cartoons (for A Prairie Home Companion children), tending toward the sentimental.

Worst is “Christmas in Your Heart” reading off discount bin greeting card lines. Skip it.

“A Good Ol’ Fashioned Christmas” at the end is middle-of-the-road laundered country pop. I like the jew’s harp though (excuse me: lamellophone).

An interesting music hall ditty by John (Thomas Huge) and Garfield (Lorenzo Music) contrasts the wide-eyed owner with the id-centric cat. “Can’t Wait Till Christmas” is mercifully brief, albeit bouncy.

An unexpected gem is the motor music in the background of the cat spying on the dog. “You Can Never Find an Elf When You Need One” is swung by Lou Rawls, but i like Deena Moore’s instrumental in some courthouse.

The cool cat intro, however, buckles us up to the Garfield zeitgeist: “Gimme Gimme Gimme Gimme” by Lou Rawls is pop Motown without regret.

As Seen on TV: Care Bears

These furry sapsters began as greeting cards, then movie stars. But they did have a TV series.

Oh, and a holiday album (or more): Care Bears Christmas (1982), and then the worse Holiday Hugs and Care Bears: Christmas Eve (both 2004).

Tiny tots may smile for “Holiday Hugs” and its smothering perkiness, but i find it analogous to being beaten with kittens.

“Christmas in Care-a-Lot” strives for more hep jazz, but comes off like a porkpie hat on a pile of feathers.

“Have a Merry, Merry Christmas” faux-rocks lamely enough to make me want to watch The Wiggles.

The original album

scores higher as a 13 minute story for kids to listen to, despite its arrival BEFORE the Saturday morning cartoon. The “Christmas Theme”

borrows from their own theme, but “Happy Christmas Time”

and “Here Comes Christmas” are a sloppy grinning hippie hug of family folk warmth.

As Seen on TV: the Smurfs

Belgian freedom fighters in 1950s comic book form are just as good of inspiration as any old Grimm’s tale. The Smurfs as a Saturday morning cartoon, however, are johnny-come-latelies to the smurf-capades.

Their execrable 1983 album Merry Christmas with the Smurfs offends with such morsels as the alphabet song inspired “Santa Claus is Coming Tonight,” the oddly downbeat “Smurfing Bells,” and the aptly old world oompah of “Christmas Presents.” But later (1996’s Christmas with the Smurfs) the dance party “Christmas Party” opens their isolationist utopia to more friendly possibilities.

Time Machine alert! If we were to go back to a time before the TV series, we might find the suddenly more valuable Father Abraham ’78 single featuring “Christmas in Smurfland.” Country twaddle with some Continental panache.

As Seen on TV: Starsky and Hutch

No, it’s not David Soul here!

Antonio Fargas was the jive talking informant who added color to the muscle car commercial that was this cop show. His 1980 single “It’s Christmas” is just as Jamaican flamboyant as a closeted drag queen can be. (His parents were Puerto Rican and Trinidadian.)

But “Christmas Eve 1953” is free form word jazz with a dollop of disco. Worth a listen.

As Seen on TV: Fraggle Rock

The holidays include more than Christmas, as many other cultures get holy-rolly this time of year for their own simpatico reasons.

Thus we include a mention to the Wiccan-mystic underground fantasy creatures who worry about the big bell overhead. “The Bells of Fraggle Rock” mentions no Santa, no JC, no mistletoe… but it is in the spirit of the season relying on faith–not proof.

As Seen on TV: The Pink Panther

Silent film for kids, this long running cartoon series without dialog appealed to the imaginative and the dense alike.

A 1978 special “A Pink Christmas” featured the rewriting of an O. Henry story (used more than once for Xmas TV series). Instead of dying at the end of “The Cop and the Anthem,” however, it’s Santa and magic food. Despite muteness, the show had a couple songs, including “Yuletide Spirit”

and “Wonderful Wintertime”

sung by St. Michaels Day School  Choir. Also “Jolly Holiday” covered by grown up fan jazz stylist Marian Hortens (w/The M Sandberg Duo). Cool.

As Seen on TV: The Waltons

A peek inside a God-fearing Midwest home during the Great Depression resonated with the Take-This-Job-and-Shove-It generation of struggling middle class haters. It calmed them down that such monumental problems could be solved in less than an hour.

After nine years the show was cancelled but wouldn’t die through specials and movies for decades. Then came Walton’s Christmas: Together Again, a 1999 holiday album of anachronistically rollicking country music.

Some tunes are covers of country faves, like “Follow That Star,”

and “That’s What Christmas Means to Me.”

Then there’s the original second eldest Jason’s ode to “Mama’s Applesauce Cake.” A barn burner.

And then there’s Grampa’s patient explanation about the heaven snowmen go to when they melt for the granddaughter’s weepy sake. “Snowman’s Land” is that talky Red Sovine country blather that means to tearjerk, but runs long with chorale backup.

But, heavens, when you think of Waltons, you think of the longshot of the darkened home with the endless “Good Night”s. So here’s the Christmas song to make you remember that old TV series. Goodnight, John Man.

As Seen on TV: Laverne & Shirley

Spin off of a spin off, this eight season working class manifesto launched some careers. Penny Marshall later directed “Big.” Cindy Williams went on to be a professional guest star. David Lander developed Multiple Sclerosis. Michael McKean collected several Oscar and Emmy nominations.

The latter two as Lenny and Squiggy gave us some musical mirth, including “The Jolliest Fat Man,” an expose of ’60s folk which reveals how gruesome iconoclasm can be.