Sick of Christmas: viral hits

Surely the coughing and snotting this time of year must result in woe. Let us sing of the pain.

Bringing the hurt is Vincent Zarletti in one of those ‘worst Christmas song’ contests. “The Christmas Virus” seems to begin on the cookies, but rises to showtune heights.

Arrogant Worms take it easy on the suffering with some fast-paced blue grass: “Vincent the Christmas Virus.” I’ve caught the St. Vitus Dance!

Jeff Elva, well known in the calypso world as the Mighty Pelay, brings da riddim with “Christmas Virus.” It’s in the air, it’s everywhere. And dad be duh gud ting. It da midey feelun ub Kreesmus.

Sick of Christmas: malingering

Perhaps you have a good reason for being “sick”? What if you had to work?!

“Calling in Sick at Christmas” doesn’t hint at what awful occupation Harley and the Hoggbites are dodging. Who’s out there? Police, firefighters, air traffic controllers, doctors… nobody important we can’t do without. Nasal country honky tonk.

Sick of Christmas: hypochondria

The stresses of Christmasses may lower one’s ability to robustly fend off gramma kisses, fruitcake offers, and viruses.

Or we just want more attention than JC is getting.

So we might express our ill health a tad more emphatically than we experience it.

Red State Update present a poor sufferer unable to join in the tidings “Too Sick for Christmas.” Genius redneck traditional easy listening. [Why is he singing from inside a bowl of popcorn? Why not!]

Sick of Christmas: malaise

«Whether it’s cold and flu season, airport outbreak, allergies to pine spores, or ‘leisure sickness’ (whereby the letdown of relaxing after the flurry of preparation crashes your immune system)… Christmas is a time of ill feelings.

Course by this time of year, we tend to get sick of it anywho. Many songs will attest as much, plus which indigestion, slip-and-falls, STDs, family shootings, and inappropriately timed diagnoses.

Bundle up, buckle up, pour some Bubble-Up and listen up.

Andina and Rich piss and moan about the mess of Christmess in “Buddy, I’m Just Sick to Death of Christmas.” Don’t take it to heart–folk kidding

Lee Harris delivers this baby from his coo-coo-cool ’06 album in “I’m So Sick of Christmas.” Are you picking up what he’s putting down?

Don We Now: not

The opposite of dressed is… next.

Escaping the entire fashion scene is Dan Hart with his light-hearted “Xmas in the Nude.” It’s poppy ragtime. It’s natural.

This doesn’t have to be sexual, you know. Unless you ask Donny Lovering. “Kenny’s Naked Christmas” is on the naughty list. Lounge pop.

Yeah, “Naked Noël (A Naturist Christmas)” by Andy Twyman does that thing with comparing your free swinging bits with food. We’ve done that! But, those Brits laugh at the same thing over and over.

Time to let it all hand out! The Naked Cowboy (Gaetano Lattanzi, Lee Evans) party down with dance and reggae and country and rock and all manner of noise in “Naked Christmas.” Whoa.

You’re not intimidated are you? Big Mess ukes up a lively folk warning about “Naked Santa.” Run doesn’t seem to cover it.

Peter E Clarkson is seething. His frantic showtune “Santa Saw Me Naked” is propounded on mere conjecture. Settle down, man.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TuyXOhxT02w

Don We Now: doff

With Christmas over, don’t we need to unclothe?

Well, there’s the “Strip Club Christmas Eve” by Drew Jacobs. But it’s comedy from tragedy, man. Folk rock lite drollery.

But then there’s Keno Project rock R+B-ing “Take Off Your Clothes.” Party on!

Goldie Lookin Chain pop raps a comic set with “I Don’t Want to Wear No Clothes on Christmas Day.” Lots of phrasing for exposed parts.

Don We Now: shod at sunrise

[Heavy sigh.]

‘kay, there’s a song about Christmas clothes as a gift you may have heard. I even included it once. I think we should avoid it. (It’s TERRIBLE.)

(And the excellent parody by Robert Lund.) (But not the Scary Pete equally perverse version.) (Or the trailer park satire from TAL and CC Productions.) (Or the Truma family feud.) (And not the overlong Oddwalk Ministries expose of the kid scammer.)

A slightly punk version of the ultra-Christian cry “Christmas Shoes” by FM Static should cover this. Unless there’s some change left over…?

Don We Now: whadja not wanna get?

Did you really ASK for something to wear?: ‘Course you didn’t! That’s lame-o!

“Grandma’s Christmas Shirt” tells us the story of that gift you have to wear but you’d rather burn. The Good Year Pimps go appropriately punk for this honest discourtesy.

Drunk parody fun time! “What Tie is This?” takes a turn at ‘Child’ with the wit of Robert Lund of FuMP. You’ll larf, if you’ve lived this.

‘Course there’s the sizing problem. Mel Blanc gives us classic nationalism with “The Hat I Got for Christmas is Too Beeg.” Reeng dee bell and beet duh drom.

Then there’s socks. Something Awful Christmas Songs tells the whole sordid BLUE ALERT tale in “King Lou’s Terrible Christmas Song.” You might need a drink.

Andy Pagana gives you the actual list of what he does want. But most especially, he country kidsongs, “I Don’t Want Clothes for Christmas.” You’ve been warned.

The worst gift JD McPherson ever got? “Socks.” A jazz romp of considerable elasticity.

Boogie rock with Trout Fishing in America: “Santa Brought Me Clothes.” You need to reinventory your misdeeds for the year, dudes. Santa’s telling you something.

Don We Now: whadja get?

The easy present for Christmas is clothing.

Sometimes that’s a good thing. Not that often, though.

I mean if it was a flying suit–! Teresa Brewer intros “The Flying Suit Song” as a Christmas wish. Not a practical gift, so don’t ask me for that.

Carmen is asking: “Give Me Pajamas for Christmas.” Her folk recital is awful persuading with all the comfy and cosy.

Trey Stone couldn’t be happier! All he wants is a “3 Pack of Underwear.” With his group The Ringers he country lauds the perfect present. So happy….