Year-round Yuletide oddities
Famous Christmas haters? Let’s start slow.
“Winona Ryder Hates Christmas” needs a revisit from us here. Thanks again Fake Shark Real Zombie. You the best.
“I Hate Christmas Eve” is a half-baked attempt to make a musical out of the ‘Grinch’ story. The whole troupe gets involved here, which is too bad. I had hoped for a bombastic belt-down from the big Kahuna bringing down the house, not a sympathetic kumbaya.
Some of this anti-Christmas sentiment features Backwards Jesus, otherwise revered as Satan, who intends to kill (and eat) the newborn Savior–for the holiday.
Medeia’s “Antichristmas” scourges happiness with their patented metal. Pass the baby blood. BLUE ALERT
Ice Nine Kills (also BLUE ALERT) continues the sentiment, pasting pop over metal with “Merry Axe-Mas.” Jinkeys, that’s up the butt.
CeDigest also juxtaposes melodic with menacing in “Antichristmas.” Probably BLUE ALERT, for all i can tell. Blasphemy, anyway.
Icon Park stays unmusically electronic with their “Antichristmas.” Mumbling about the luminous wintry scene hides the evil. Oh. No.
Miso-santa-sts at times focus on the class schism Mr. Claus seems to bring to bear. Po’ folk get no present love from the North Pole. Do they mind?
Jack Douglass offers dozens of comedy snippets off his Youtube channel jacksfilms, including this idea: “Santa Hates the Poor.” Good things small packages.
Parang music reads the riot act to “Mr. Santa Claus” via RemBunction. He’s tired of socks and drawers. He may resort to grand theft bag.
Dumpster Baby (live club music alert) performs “Santa Claus Hates the Poor.” Metal madness, childish tantrum.
The generic offering from Christmas Comedy, “Poor Kids Hate Santa” shambles about like a drug-fueled Chipmunks amateur rap battle. They hate music too apparently.
Your Favorite Martian get more BLUE ALERT with more white hip hop “Santa Hates Poor Kids.” Nicely channeled rage, musically speaking. Yeah, seen this before. You’re welcome.
Mr. Big, the guy in charge, the head deliverer–not JC, but Santa Claus– deserves our disdain and blame for the whole holiday hopelessness. Hate Kris Kringle! Say it with me! Ho ho hope you die!
I suppose that sentiment might make you a villain. Certainly Stormella fills out that form with 1998’s ‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: The Movie,’ an animated flop (budget 10million, take 100thousand) that allowed for the stagey tirade “I Hate Santa Claus.”
More fun (imagine The Monkees + Sex Pistols) from Important-Looking Pirates with “I Hate Santa Claus.” It’s like superangry Scooby Doo chase music in this two-guitar garage.
And more screaming from Dave Pantaleone with “Santa Sucks,” a metal rant of moderate proportions.
On the other planet, Insane Clown Posse lisp out their hiphop bro chant “I Hate Santa Claus.” Radio play ready, with only a couple BLUE ALERT moments late on. What the format?
Much more BLUE ALERT Anybody Killa death raps “Kill Santa Man.” Angry bells, man.
And still BLUE ALERT Kevin Bloody Wilson revisits “Hey Santa Claus” for us. A kiddie classic of unashamed vitriol.
Logan Paul keeps it white with his rhymin’ bombs “Santa Diss Track.” Trying too hard is art too.
All those people, all those commitments, all that preparation–can’t i just stay on Facebook? Christmas parties are the worst.
Trampauline hos and has “I Hate Christmas Parties” with odd quiet party fun. Jacob & Alex scratch at the surface of the blues for their version, but the plodding piano marches them into maudlin. This IS a Relient K song, though, so we gotta allow these Ohioans the opportunity to build the orchestration to earn that guitar riff on the original millennial meltdown. Emo out of here!
Other symptoms of sickening sentiment for Advent may include mistletoe.
Brian Fisher and Andy Beck from JW Pepper have brung us the kids’ chorus “Away from the Mistletoe.” Kids hate that stuff, because of the nasty smelling relatives.
Patch the Pirate also ducks down to childsize to admit “I Hate Mistletoe.” Assembly level hijinks ensues.
To save us from children, but not from being childish, Billy Blackflag & His Nihilistic Delusions downplay “Mistletoe is Poison” with garage appropriateness.
What else is there about Christmas that drives us crazy? What about this blog–or at least the songs?
We’ve covered Xmas songs before, but sweep in summore. (Well, one repeat: “I Hate Christmas Songs and I Hate Everyone” allows Touch My Rash to projectile punk.)
Todd Steed and the Christmas Suns go basement bar live with “I Hate Christmas (Songs)” to their friends and family. Your patience will be rewarded with witty country blues.
Jewish mom Lauren Mayer lectures us from a place of love with “I Hate Holiday Music.” She’ll scream. But first, a melodious show tune.
Family makes everything complicated, from Oedipal issues to racist oldsters to genetic disorders. Is that enough to ruin the holidays?
Adolphe Adam wails some ‘grass country blues as “I Hate Christmas” away from home. See, in this case, Xmas means you miss the ones you love best when you can’t be there. Yeah, that’s heavy. Asleep at the Wheel honky tonks the hell out of it as well.
The real problem is diagrammed by Kristin Key with real lounge comedy in “Hate My Family at Christmas.” Some unasked-for banjo insists this is a redneck’s problem.
Sara Baker has a special reason when she belts out “(I Hate) Every Single Christmas.” The fam is all after her, like why no ring? why no kids? why no matchey matchey? Soaring country show tune.
Everyone else is a jolly couple with some other freakin’ significant other at Christmas. So hate the world outta loneliness! See if that helps!
Matt and The Nobodies gently rock the notion with “Christmas Blows.” He is so alone and soulful.
Okanomodé dives deep into desolate despair with the hiphop pop of “Anti-Christmas Song.” Great backbeat. Horrible worldview.
You promised forever, but Meaghan Smith knows “Christmas is the Worst” without you. Soft light pop (lotsa melody, some hand clapping, little actual music).
More superpop from Photronique with “Getting Down on Christmas.” Mistletoe’s a trigger for the solitude! But this party bubbly froth surely foretells a hollow holiday hookup.
Classy UK pathos from The Fratellis in the form of “Lonesome Anti-Christmas Blues.” Not blues, of course, but pop. SO whiney you might never fall in love again.
What’samatter, Johnny? Did she forget to love you through the holidays? Do you project your insecurity onto Christmas, hating all the month-long? Join me in song, you sad fool.
Angry Johnny and The Killbillies trombone up the joint with their redneck folk “On Christmas This Year.” He’s not just lonely and drinking, he’s loading up the shotgun and not knowing what he’s doing.
So much more upbeat, White Town pop rocks “Why I Hate Christmas” with a sad sack tale about the married women that got away. Duh-ewd
Slowin’ it down even more, Chris Stalcup & the Grange gets honky tonk country, calling out “I Hate Christmas” ‘cuz you left me (and lost my dog). He’s been crying into his beer so long he encores his song 2/3 of the way through.
Celtic folk punk rock from Lenny Lashley’s Gang of One chant up “Anti-Christmas.” Divorce!? Isn’t it the Jesus of the season to forgive? Or maybe cancel the whole thing….
Begging with his weeping guitar, Jay Brannon lets you know “Christmas Really Sucks” since you left.
Down to a single uke, Zeld Starfire sounds nearly cheerful blaming “I Hate Christmas” on how you left her (did you die?). Tap that toe into intolerance.