It’s All Relative, impoverished

All you need for Christmas is family. No presents, no food, no warmth, just co-sufferers. Or so the songs would have you believe.

Keith Williams has some country fun with “Redneck Family Christmas,” portraying the back woods as just another place–still got Santa (bringing roadkill). Some fun, huh.

Megatrax incorporates the music mill by offering “Redneck Family Christmas” with male or female vocals but without extending credit. Ain’t nothing but a down home portrait. Don’t know no better but to enjoy.

The Arrogant Worms lead us out of the South, well southern US. The South for Canada offers Great White Trash like “Christmas in Ignace.” This assault of a tune reveals the joy in getting a rock for a gift.

It’s All Relative, activities

Can’t play games ’til all the family members up. Let’s play!

Bad families have their own button-pushing to get done, certainly. I hesitate to mention Robert Earl Keene‘s big holiday hit as it strikes me as an accepted number in the Christmas canon. So, i’ll turn on Julie Sobule’s cover as it eases off the beatbox rhythm and adds just a touch of heart (and not just ‘cuz it’s HER brand of ciggies). “Merry Christmas from the Family” to alt-country your novelty needs (and the next to happy ending).

Beginners hearken to Banyan Global Learning, whose “Family Christmas Song” will teach you customs and the English language too. Kids pop.

Anita Wilson sashays some middle of the road soul with “Family Christmas.” This is some tribute to heart-warming fun, y’all. And, i suspect, karaoke will be proposed.

Naomi Hooley pounds on the ol’ pianner with some upbeat churchy country assigning roles in her “Family Christmas.” Her loving managing might make this the best ever holiday. I’m in.

It’s All Relative, the cooking

We’ve covered the casserole dishes repeatedly over the years, but food = family, unless you’re some heathen McDonalds-ite for Xmas.

Yumminess from Bing Crosby reprising “Christmas Dinner, Country Style.” Big band country curdled with square dance steps. But it’s all about family.

Encore for “Aunt Clara’s Christmas Casserole” a Ray Stevens/Andy Griffith har-de-har country comic mashup from Dann & Yeaney. Clean your plate!

Most inappropriate is the returning hit, “Grandma’s Christmas Dinner.” It’s folk/bluegrass black comedy from Paul and Storm. Be ready to run.

Dr. Duke Tomatoe offers a new dish with “Christmas at Grandma’s”–another comic take on emetic cuisine. Pop easy listening fun about family torture.

It’s All Relative, so proud

Is it just so wonderful to see all them again with love in their hearts and gifts in their laps? Are you turning to mush inside?

David DeBoy comedy brags about the family with the “Flegman Family Christmas Letter” using easy listening oomph. Ha!

Ritchie Remo seesaws his pop country doggerel into “Christmas Family.” I include this ‘cuz of the touch of killer fiddle and purdy tenor, but background only….

Just as metronomic, Lizzie West and Baba Buffalo praise/miss the warm hearth with their “Family Christmas.” Earnest folk tearjerking.

Nicholas Cunha plays the good son card with the well meant and talented “Family (An Original Christmas Song.” It’s serious as a loaf of bread.

It’s All Relative, dysfunction

Oil, water, vinegar, gasoline… it takes all kinds to make one group of relatives. Go with it.

Lynyrd Skynyrd gets honky tonk American rock with the aw shucks celebration “Skynyrd Family.” They’re one short of an eight track.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Saturday Night Live had a running ‘Dysfunctional Family’ routine, including the commercial for the “Dysfunctional Family Christmas Album.” Pop psychology parodies.

Todd Yohn goes gay musical with “Dysfunctional Family Christmas.” Curious, but a bit ordinary for a colorful family collective.

Vancougar gets melodically mellifluous with their “Dysfunctional Family Christmas.” It’s a heartwarming celebration of what Xmas really means.

It’s All Relative, say hello

Let’s bebop to the holiday home!

Previous parody from The Parliament needs reprising. “Christmas Time” is all about the malaise of that time of year, but family is the burst acne on the cake here. Pop folk drollery.

Tim Nordstrom sounds fatalistic with his piano bar jazz “Christmas is Family.” Perhaps he’s a couple drinks in and whiskey philosophical, but it’s making a relaxed sense.

Simen Tangen crushes it with the fluffy pop of “Family Christmas,” a ’70s throwback about love and whistling. Long notes, too!

It’s All Relative, bugs

Without the holidays you might never wad the kidlings into the SUV and trek all the way over to the ‘rents. It’s so much work to see ’em get older and more clueless; it’s so draining to put up with their expectations and judgments.

So here’s to the family! Love/hate ’em! And then turn into ’em!

Each day of this month we’ll listen to songs that thrive in the lap of mommy & daddy and then pit them against songs that howl about the dysmerogenetic dysfunctional dementia from the descendants. Winner takes all for 24hrs.

The Dropkick Murphys have already blessed us with “The Season’s Upon Us.” The unkind kin are trotted out celtic punk-style like unwashed laundry flags. Oi.

Buttered corn from 1959 serves up Dennis Day fresh from The Jack Benny Show warbling “Christmas is For the Family.” More listing, almost all the way over, but this time about the fun activities that bring big, fat smiles to all.

Deadly serious, the winner is the cover of that same cheese by The Christmas Crickets, released the same year, but rereleased–now with irony–in 2011. Ladies and generalists, i give you “Christmas is For the Family” insect infestation.

EX-Mas, never be over it

Christmas is ruined, life is over, no more sunrises. From what you did to me, bring out the crows. Dunzos!

Every year the connection to the cheer and you-not-here triggers the country blues from Travis Tritt. “Christmas Just Ain’t Christmas Without You” is a bar burner of piano rolls. Vince Vance & The Valiants plugs female vocals into this trauma.

The Supremes aren’t getting over what seems 5000 years of missing him in “Just a Lonely Christmas.” Girl dour.

Bowling for Soup cheers us up just a bit with this no holds barred lamentation with upbeat pop: “Miss You Most on Christmas.” See, he thinks about you every day since you left, twice on holidays.

EX-Mas, dealing

It’s been a while since the disunion. How’s it going?

M J Moore matter-of-factly (tone-deafly) offers “I’ll Miss You at Christmas.” Someone take that drum machine away from that cancer-throated crooner!

John Eddie just doesn’t want to talk about it. Country pop crooning “Another Lonely Christmas” is all about just getting through it–maybe next year will be better.

Misty Boyce toasts “Merry Christmas, My Love” from far away. A gentle country twanger, almost cowboy with echoic solitude and strength.