Girls night means boys are busy. Mrs. Claus has the perfect opportunity.
“Shake It Mrs. Claus” disco bops Jesse Braswell. They’re dancing wall to wall, but who’s everyone lookin’ at?
Dependent Claus: straying friends
Poor ol’ Mrs. Santa, she’s left all alone for a day no one should be lonely. Can’t she have, like, a friend to carry her through the isolation–?
Placeholder Confidential offers that “Mrs. Claus, Oh My!” could use a friend. Cute pop garage in lieu of flowers.
Dependent Claus: interoffice dalliance
Santa’s not worried about leaving Mrs. Claus by her lonesome. I mean, who else is she going to stray unto? Look down!
Throwing Toasters delivers a smitten love story with some driving rock beat in their “Mrs. Claus.” It starts with drinkin’ hot chocolate from a decanter with one of the boys,,,,
Drive-By Truckers slop up a serving of swamp blues with “Mrs. Claus’s Kimono.” Just want a little elvish sex, to pay the old man back. What could go wrong?
Dependent Claus: needin’ somethin’ more
What’s a spurned woman to do? Mrs. Claus doesn’t get her jollies on the night that counts and that itch won’t go away.
“Mrs. Claus is Steppin’ Out” is that sultry country dance number you might expect given the subject. Tina Mitchell Wilkins goes whole hog with the woo-hoos.
More suggestive country, now with more sugary sweetness, from Jane Sheldon. “One for Mrs. Claus” is pretty pop about the modern-day lady who goes out drinking while her husband is working. You go Teri Hatcher, i mean girl.
Dependent Claus: underloved
Maybe he’s too involved with work, supervising, listing, keeping his weight up… i suppose Santa might be neglectful of the husbandly duties a vibrant helpmate like Mrs. Claus ought to expect. Is it bad enough to sing about?
Tony Thaxton (feat Allison Weiss and Sara Watkins) gets sloppy with bluegrass begging in “Mr. and Mrs. Claus, Christmas Eve.” Nagging does not become you, madam.
“Ode to Mrs. Claus’s Joy” from Gregg Cagno is a chatty folk rock feature about the seduction of the fat man. She’s under a blanket under the tree. PG-13. Yeah, there’s some Beethoven mixed in there.
Stockings and Christmas heels are the allure from “Mrs. Claus Laments (Stay Home with Me).” This torchy R+B jazz from Lynzie Kent gets a bit sweaty.
The Bobs bring it home with “Mrs. Claus Wants Some Lovin’.” Shaggy baggy R+B a cappella that’ll land her on the naughty list.
Dependent Claus: loved
Santa could keep his hearth and home happy with that frisky promise of bride and groom. I think that’s all a couple needs–i read that somewhere.
If the longest sentence in the English language is ‘I do,’ then maybe Santa’s stuck with Mrs. Claus and “Mrs. Claus is Ugly” according to Santa’s Angry Elves. Rude metal, but no significant swearing.
Now that the work’s done, “Let’s Have Some Fun, Mrs. Claus.” Morning delight with a gypsy waltzing lilt from Emma Wallace and Marie Bee. Well, gee, i had fun.
“Chasing Mrs. Claus ‘Round the North Pole” is just the party raunchy alt we need to visualize to feel better about the cuddly twosome. Thanks Lust Control. Now i can stop thinking about my parents’ wedding night.
Dependent Claus: final solution
Can Mrs. Claus really leave Santa? She’s too famous to get away. She’ll always be tarred with that epithet. Perhaps there’s another way to start over.
“Santa Claus is Dead” is a bit extreme, but the chuckley folk of Jeremy Secrest makes risible of what a dame who’s had enough is to do. Take it with a grain of mistletoe.
Dependent Claus: trial separation
It seems only yesterday true love was in the air for Mr. and Mrs. Claus. Now the bloom is off the rose, and not just in a comical way. Are those papers in her hand?
Superior retro rock’n’roll from Emmy the Great & Time Wheeler: “(Don’t Call Me) Mrs. Christmas.” It’s super slick bompdedomp, but she’s out the door—!
Island time! What better accompaniment to getting away from the North than steel drums as The Cabana Men conga line the betterment of “Mrs. Claus.” Sorry, i thought you needed a break from quality entertainment.
A note, a missing suitcase… “Mrs. Claus” is already gone according to James Leo Oliver, who might be overplaying the American rock guitar riffs. Bluesy, but so loud!
Dependent Claus: rolling pin time
A woman can only take so much of being shoved into the shadows. Mrs. Claus boils over (and other kitchen metaphors for mad) with the following top tunes.
Slightly irked, Sandy Schaeffer Bergeson rails with pop song in “Mrs. Santa’s Song.” But the responsibilities correlate with the resentment, so that by song’s end she’s ready to pop.
Ballad rock’n’roll from The Miss’s lays down the law on that jolly layabout in “Mrs. Claus.” Pretty venom.
“Claus vs. Claus” is the N.Pole Bickersons from J.D. McPherson. This cool cat has the finger poppin’ discursive dialogue from the Clauses in which all is aired and possible resolutions are described. Mmm!
Dependent Claus: overlooked
The honeymoon’s over and the man gets comfortable and the woman is simply expected to super-perform. Santa how could you treat your mate this way?
Laying into the loungey torch number, Colin Farish makes a drinking song out of “Mrs. Claus.” (Take a sip for each taken-for-granted ‘who.’) [Who does Sinatra better? Try Russ Lorenson‘s?] [Maybe a Mel Torme take?! Benn Bacot silver fogs this same bit.] [Lua Hadar wrenches pathos from this one.]
From the back of that one jazz club you haven’t heard of croons Fleur Seule with a killer band backup. “Everyone Forgets about Mrs. Claus” is mediocre music, but the vibe is cool.