“Jingle Bells”

The elevation of ‘Jingle Bells’ as a holiday song (NO Christ, NO Santa, NO presents… howso?!) means that anyone who hears the melody knows the sentiment. A slight play on the words… and novelization is born.

Now, I’m not talkin’ re-topicalification. Sure there are songs ranging from petty peeves to current culture to the secrets of life that borrow this music and make merry. That’s a rabbit hole to step over for the time being. Here we celebrate the snow and the sleigh and just scat a bit, for color.

Yogi Yorgenson does this handily with the dumb-furriner approach of “Yingle Bells,” a 1949 big Christmas hit that you might know by heart. If not, reacquaint, please.

1959 sees The Three Stooges messing up the transpo with junk in their slow-tempo “Jingle Bells Drag.” Lots of bonks and a few slaps to go with the jingling.

Paul & Paula switch up the ride to surfboards for “Holiday Hootenanny,” a kissin’ cousin to the original, but worth the wipeout. Now it’s 1963.

Homer and Jethro, a few years later (1968), cash in on what we used to call ‘frontier humor’ (now it’s redneck) with their “Jingle Bells.” More de-romanticizing of the icy out-of-doors. And loads o’ larfs.

Little has been done along these lines since those good ol’ days, so let’s go out dada-style with James Rossi’s “Jingle Bawtiba.” The title will become meaningful while partaking of this tasty morsel. Diggety-ding.

“Jingle Bells”

Enough with the not enough!!

Let’s move on to the spirit of Xmas, the trappings, the deets, the minutiae…how ’bout them BELLS? Poe‘ll tell you, bells can be used to connote many celebrations–but I’m hard pressed (unh) to attach these tinklers to Halloween or the Fourth of July or Earth Day. Ringing means 12/25, y’all.

The icon in the room is ‘Jingle Bells,’ the 1850-something small-ranging number by James Lord Pierpont. The controversy surrounding this earworm could fill a whole month of blogging, so let’s just say NOW it’s a family tradition for more than the racists among us.

If you need to hear this every December, bully for you. It tasks me, so i will not share the best, coolest, weirdest versions of this song i can find (maybe some other month when i’m out of ideas)–not the instrumentals, nor even the foreign translations.

Today, let’s try out some reimaginings using a bit of a different melody. That’s fun. (It’s the same lyrics, mostly here.)

Even John Denver has a bit of tinkly new age fun with this old horse.

What about James Taylor putting his downbeat syncopation trademark on it?

PDX’s own Jesus Presley throws a low curveball of lounge garage when you least expect it.

Over the Rhine sneaks up on you as well with “One Olive Jingle,” a bluesy, jazzy, word poem.

Going girl ASMR Lisa Loeb slows down the ride to a stuck in the snow slog.

Walking away with recognizability, Fats Waller jellyrolls the ragtime out of “Swingin’ Them Jingle Bells.” You won’t know you’re in a one-horse open sleigh for a minute. Ride with it. It’s mostly instrumental.

ël-No, the twenty-ninth

Christmas isn’t happening because I died, okay?! No Xmas for the ex-person.

Aged big band aficionado Jerry Drake brazens his way through the MIA tragedy “The Boy Who Missed Christmas.” No, it’s not a Christmas song at all. It’s barely a song.

Alto soaring, Nick Dache doesn’t have much to say after a near-death experience, except for apologizing for the “Empty Christmas.” Too much acceptance, not enough denial, dude. Light alt fun, tho.

ël-No, the twenty-eighth

Credit where credit is overdue. We all enjoy Christmas because of–? Well, JC may have rebranded an ongoing festival… Santa only came into the equation late… Hmm.

“If It Weren’t for Girls, There Would be No Christmas” croons The Want to a peppy rock backbeat. Sure, it tries a bit too hard and as such overcompensates with stereotypes and some back-handed flattery. But who else is taking the time to appreciate, i ask you?

ël-No, the twenty-seventh (Blue Alert)

No Christmas without you is a common love-song cry, but the pissed off holler of the broken up is the anti-carol. Xmas smashed!

The blues will do that, wallow in what messes up all that’s good in life… but what about some cool Doo Wop to bring the blues into view. Woo hoo hoo from Larry Chance and The Earls in “No Christmas Cheer.” So there.

Giles Field hates everything after you ripped out his heart, so “No Christmas” (Blue Alert) with a garage lilt to the alt. Skipping to the loo.

ël-No, the twenty-sixth

Stretching out of pop music smarm, alternative music also dwells in the wallows of emotionality. The lovelorn cancellation of Christmas is ripe for writing in this universe.

“Empty Christmas” is the alt cry of The Wheels. Waffling between with you and without you this tinkly charmer sets you at arm’s length.

El Dorado croons to warbly synth in “No Christmas This Year,” a pop song in everything but word choice. Just a bit off kilter for the commoners. (So, yeah, i like it.)

Hyper garage from Brandon Harrod plays out the broken relationship as psychological number-line with “Christmas is Cancelled.” Well, you tell me, then.

Pop-punk from Bankrupt is heightened by the grindhouse footage backing “Christmas is Cancelled.” Leaving me is like a tree murdering. Or zombies. (Blue Alert)

Driving Brit-pop is as far from mod-pop as The Monkees, ‘tho The Long Blondes remind me a bit more of Blondie with their “Christmas is Cancelled.” That bangin’ guitar is the heartbeat of heartbreak.

ël-No, the twenty-fifth

Pop goes the Christmas cracker… and also the pretty tune about how there can be no Christmas without us together. Bay-bee.

Syncopated synthesized pop from Ricardo Munoz spells out that “Once Christmas is Gone” so are you. But you’ll be back, yeah?

Zee Avi plays pretty with the dreary in “No Christmas for Me.” Try to imagine why he doesn’t want to spend the holidays with her.

From his Holiday Pop album, Nicholas Markos paints by the numbers to synth up “No Christmas No More.” It hops, it bops, it stops.

ël-No, the twenty-fourth

The only thing more depressing than being without money for Christmas, is having no one to spend it on. Way too much sentiment swings this way, so we’ll try to limit our mopey options to this NO CHRISTMAS cause and effect.

Wailing with soul, Gene-O sails his R+B schooner “No More Christmas” like a howling animal in amorous pain. Owie.

Brown and Garrett slather up some blues in the raw “Ain’t No Christmas Baby,” an electric dissertation in desperation.

ël-No, the twenty-third BLUE ALERT

Let’s take destitution down a notch and get racial wit’ y’all. Socio-economic conditions in the hood bein’ what they are, don’t get your Xmas hopes up.

Paco Gzz BLUE ALERT raps up a storm about the imbalance of his broken home. “No Christmas” may be too real for some, too angry for others. Get over it.

Big Mista adds a bit more party ‘cool’ to his “No Christmas” rap. It’s a journey from NO Xmas to Xmas evee day. Yo. He’s allowing his rapper fame to inform on his dichotomy. Unpack dat, bitch.