Time to get weird. “Xmas off the A689” from Faithful Johannes tells the tale of a traveller’s spinout in a whiteout and his slow submission to exposure stuck in his car for the holidays. The A689 is a stretch of UK roadway from Carlisle in Cumbria, to Hartlepool in County Durham. This is near Scotland touching on about the only ski-center in England. So, less merry and more brrr.
Christmas Countdown: 700
Dionne Welch takes the reins of the church choir and announces “This Christmas” with soaring faith and awe. She begins: 700 years of our hearts crying out You sent your words through the prophets–and looks like prophecies of the Jayby’s birth rang out centuries before the first Christmas. If you’re counting (Matthew is).
Christmas Countdown: 710 BLUE ALERT
More playful rap from isthatfr0st (ft. Ham Sandwich, 954mari, Ty Wild & more) about playing the game in “How the Camogod Scammed Christmas.” Among the fun’n’stuff someone Just switched lil timmy’s 3070 for a 710 which looks to be jacking some kid’s decent graphics card outta his video gaming computer system and leaving him with crap. ‘Tis the season.
Christmas Countdown: 7/11 BLUE ALERT
Hollywood Undead claim to have a tough ‘hood in “Christmas in Hollywood.” Some kid even steals from the 7/11. Also, booze, sex, adult oppression. Hanukkah shows up, too. Rapping white boys. Amiright?
Bob Rivers sneaks in a 7/11 ref in his overproduced ‘Oz’ parody “The Magical Kingdom of Claus.” It’s a sketch, but the number is noted in song, so let’s play. (This is historical, kids, so you’ll have to look up some of the cultural signifiers.)
Christmas Countdown: 713
So the ghetto in ATW’s “Merry Ghetto Christmas” is the poor neighborhoods of Houston. So 713 is the sign off (referencing the Area Code) after wandering through allusions to drugs, guns, sex, and Disney. Poetical rap.
Shaq, the Intellectual has more soul and respect for his “Christmas Dancer” (a country girl from the 713). Love song!
Christmas Countdown: 7:23
In some weird rough draft rehearsal (aight ima use that in a rap in the future) WOJ realizes at 7:23 that it’s “6 Days Till’ Christmas.” Conversational dropping with an odd R+B backdrop, at least there are no f-bombs.
Christmas Countdown: 727
Mr. Kenny Rogers capitalizes on smarm, but he’s an artist so occasional poignancy peeks through like with “727 East Magnolia Avenue.” Maybe it’s my advancing years, but i have driven slowly by a previous residence and reminisced–including Xmas flashbacks. So this soft country has weaseled into my heartstrings. I’ll deal if you will.
Christmas Countdown: 7:54 BLUE ALERT
Apostle’s “143” is a mad love song, but as it seems unrequited, he’s driven mad. She’s to meet up with him for Xmas at 6 to 8, but at 9 he figures she’s got other things (men) to do. Had to look up the title, and the letter counts of I and LOVE and YOU is a shorthand thing to text now. But, did you know, there’s lots of other four-letter words?
Christmas Countdown: 762 BLUE ALERT
Still picking up on that ghetto code… so i hafta look 762 full metal jacket from “SAINTED! ON ICE” by saint judah x big brain (@orondeus). Turns out, along with the Aston Martin Vanquish, it’s a fine gift. It’s ammo. So, could be, one is for his friends, and the other’s for his enemies–in the face.
Christmas Countdown: 773
Chance the Rapper and Jeremih try to keep Christmas real by sweet singing about Jesus, then slipping in some rap about the troubles of the world–you should Christmas out those bad times for those put upon! Chance ends “Joy” with the shout-out: I’m on my 773 love, probably a reference to a Chicago phone code (made famous in the hit “Jeremih Loves 773” which also includes the other Chi-town area code 779).