Year-round Yuletide oddities
“Colorado Christmas” makes a comeback from it’s posting back in 2015. The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band is at its most poetic here poking fun at California. Looking out the window of this Hollywood Hotel You’d never know that it was Christmas Eve. The billboards and the neon took the place of silver bells And the temperture is 84 degrees. Still too warm, boys.
“Miracle on 84th Street” takes Santa uptown with some rockin’ stylings a la I Don’t Know Margo. Crazy.
Isn’t 85 warm enough for equatorial Xmas? “Santa’s Going South for Christmas” sings Sammy Hagar with appropriate American rock about leaving the freeze and going to Mexico where the temp is mid-eighties.
Joey + Rory get more country rock with “Let It Snow (Somewhere Else).” Somewhere in the islands, it’s more’n warm.
A form of reggae rap livens Social Club Misfits’ “Christmas in Florida.” How you gon drive in the snow Wait …it’s Florida girl it’s 85 degrees.
Arthur Ray gets all slo-mo with his rapping “Christmas in Houston.” Whole lot more descriptive, too: Carolers on Texas Ave sangin’ “White Christmas” 85 degrees, hoes is sweet tea sipping G’s in they slabs got they 4-4s tippin’ Grippin’ wood grain with the candy paint drippin’. Uh, Blue-ish Alert.
The Dan Band notes no snow ’cause it’s 85 degrees (when it drops down to 70 people think they’re gonna freeze). “Christmas Time in California” is like that. Ironic boy band silliness.
Whew, let’s cool it down with ADHD (Animation Domination High Definition). Heather Anne Campbell’s Scientifically Accurate series takes on “Santa Claus” with a whole pile of numbers (speed of Santa, size of craters where he lands), but ends with 85%–the measure of countries WITHOUT child labor laws (who make the toys, not the elves). To the tune of ‘Coming to Town’ get ready to be offended, grossed out, and (perhaps) educated.
Deep South country also gets hot in the winter. “White Christmas” is what Amber DeLaCruz doesn’t have. 87 degrees driving ATVs through the pine trees is more like it.
Set the car blinker at 90BPM to get drunk on the front lawn, rambles the random garage “Happy Winter Solstice” from Parking Lots. It’s Christmas, but it’s a mess. Like life, y’know, man.
Oh, yeah, and California NEVER gets seasonal. “Malibu Kind of Christmas” notes the heat (in the shade!), with the surfer rock The Malibooz make so cool. Check it.
But, you WANT it hot? Not sure where this takes place (Not LA, they say) but, They say it’s gonna be 90 or more! “Won’t Someone Please Tell the Weatherman It’s Christmas” yodel the honky tanking 42nd Street Singers. Is it climate change?
Don’t forget, North Earthers, The Southern Hemisphere celebrates 12/25 too. It’s hot there, though.The Frights point that out with their rocking “Christmas Everyday.” Along with Budweiser boxers, great apple pie recipes, and a peach candle. Paw-tee!
To kids from 1 to 92 is the demographic for Nat King Cole (and everyone else)’s ‘The Christmas Song.’ Not going to rerun that. AND most parodies don’t include the numbers…
The ’60s Invasion alludes to this range in their “Come On People (Have a Merry Christmas).” Only the finest in rock parodies for y’all.
But “Deez Nuts Resting” is a spoken word jumble from The Total Chaos Effect that’s both gutsy and nasty BLUE ALERT. The women he’s willing to lay is from 18 to 92.
Then there’s homespun For Iven’s proselytizing “Chestnuts Roasting Parody,” which does a more decent joke-pull on this subject.
A$AP Twelvvy gets all blerd with his rap: “12 Days of X-Mas.” I’m in a Santa suit Tree botanical, on 94th Street I’m a miracle Not for Comic-Con I’m a muppet boy begins the rap adventure of partying, shopping, and crashing. Don’t let the title scare you off, no repetition mars this swirl.
Back to the rockabilly! The Hollybells are lost, narrating: It’s not about the gifts Where’s my car I love this time of year I’m in aisle 94. “Christmas Simple” is just a swingin’ thing. Go, cat, go.
N95s are a symptom of “COVID Christmas,” a better-than-many-others comedy carol from Montague. Let the smarmy easy listening pop carry you to the ER.
Far away from home, and everything I know Cause only thing I see, is me on this open road South on 95, the thought of you keeps me alive. Jimmyjamster is getting there, baby, and “This Christmas” is the R+B road trip to your presence. So, okay.
Also getting there Jeremih and Chance the Rapper head On down Michigan Ave and hold my hand Take a red line from 95th to the End. “I’m Your Santa” is R+B rap with a romantic leaning. Awww.
Steve Pineo delivers unto us another Scrooge “In the Dominion of Mr. Klein.” This calypso rumba recalls when Mr. Klein he had a drink, told the poor people just what he think But don’t ever let the homeless say Mr. Klein never threw any money their way Because before he slammed the shelter door he threw 95 dollars on the floor And this was right at the Christmas time. And a one-two-three dip!
Isaiah 9:6 is the chapter and verse of the Jayby born. Sing it, but reference it.
The Corner Room puts “Isaiah 9:6-7” to pretty folk strumming. Then some reading.
Awana’s “Isaiah 9:6” is more motonous kidsong. Then big chorus.
JumpStart3 tries big party techno with “Isaiah 9:6.” Then more party.
Mr. Chocks’s “Happy Christmas” brings us salvation and no reason to be depress with a Jamaican backbeat in the name of that Bible quote. Mo’ message, mo’ poem.
Tha Dogg Pound’s “I Wish” is a Xmas rap for love, even with young oppressed men only dreaming of guns. So leave it to one enterprising poster to show us Ralphie in ‘A Christmas Story’ under the song. Oh yeah, and the bookends of Toys ‘R Us commercials (with a fraction of a second of an actual black child). The number in question, however, quoted in What’s the solution for your 9-7 resolution? is probably not the screen of an iPad Pro, so i dunno….
Two digits and counting! Woo!!
Maybe it’s the journey for _Patrickconnor as he’s still 99 miles from home in “I Know You All Love Christmas.” Driving pop/rock that never quite gets there.
“Doin” is a Daft Punk parody (posted by HydroDalek) of a tech-store Christmas commercial. It’s a mad techno party on consumerism and we’ve seen the sequel before. But now, the DVD player is 99$! Go mad!
From the comedic video game centric variety show Scott the Woz, comes the endearing pop “It’s a Bargain Bin Christmas,” where returned march makes for unwanted presents–but may only cost 99¢!
While on the topic, John Dunbar wows with the folk pop “Christmas Shopping at the 99 Cent Store.” It’s a class struggle time of the year. Don’t judge.
Uh oh. Kash & Rico play the funny rap card with “Santa Likes Them.” This dirty dawg of a Claus may bring 99 presents but a ho ain’t one (sorry–not sorry, Jay Z). He sure likes them for himself.
“99% Christmas” is a call to anger ‘gainst the 1%. Folk screed from Andrew Pfaff. What would Jesus rant?
Whirlwind transforms an angsty indie plea for sanity into The Simpsons‘ Christmas special with “Lovers Turn to Monsters.” It works. 99 to 1 odds (like with Santa’s Little Helper), but it does.