Christmas Countdown: 90

Set the car blinker at 90BPM to get drunk on the front lawn, rambles the random garage “Happy Winter Solstice” from Parking Lots. It’s Christmas, but it’s a mess. Like life, y’know, man.

Oh, yeah, and California NEVER gets seasonal. “Malibu Kind of Christmas” notes the heat (in the shade!), with the surfer rock The Malibooz make so cool. Check it.

But, you WANT it hot? Not sure where this takes place (Not LA, they say) but, They say it’s gonna be 90 or more! “Won’t Someone Please Tell the Weatherman It’s Christmas” yodel the honky tanking 42nd Street Singers. Is it climate change?

Don’t forget, North Earthers, The Southern Hemisphere celebrates 12/25 too. It’s hot there, though.The Frights point that out with their rocking “Christmas Everyday.” Along with Budweiser boxers, great apple pie recipes, and a peach candle. Paw-tee!

Christmas Countdown: 92

To kids from 1 to 92 is the demographic for Nat King Cole (and everyone else)’s ‘The Christmas Song.’ Not going to rerun that. AND most parodies don’t include the numbers…

The ’60s Invasion alludes to this range in their “Come On People (Have a Merry Christmas).” Only the finest in rock parodies for y’all.

But “Deez Nuts Resting” is a spoken word jumble from The Total Chaos Effect that’s both gutsy and nasty BLUE ALERT. The women he’s willing to lay is from 18 to 92.

Then there’s homespun For Iven’s proselytizing “Chestnuts Roasting Parody,” which does a more decent joke-pull on this subject.

Christmas Countdown: 94

A$AP Twelvvy gets all blerd with his rap: “12 Days of X-Mas.” I’m in a Santa suit Tree botanical, on 94th Street I’m a miracle Not for Comic-Con I’m a muppet boy begins the rap adventure of partying, shopping, and crashing. Don’t let the title scare you off, no repetition mars this swirl.

Back to the rockabilly! The Hollybells are lost, narrating: It’s not about the gifts Where’s my car I love this time of year I’m in aisle 94. “Christmas Simple” is just a swingin’ thing. Go, cat, go.

Christmas Countdown: 95

N95s are a symptom of “COVID Christmas,” a better-than-many-others comedy carol from Montague. Let the smarmy easy listening pop carry you to the ER.

Far away from home, and everything I know Cause only thing I see, is me on this open road South on 95, the thought of you keeps me alive. Jimmyjamster is getting there, baby, and “This Christmas” is the R+B road trip to your presence. So, okay.

Also getting there Jeremih and Chance the Rapper head On down Michigan Ave and hold my hand Take a red line from 95th to the End. “I’m Your Santa” is R+B rap with a romantic leaning. Awww.

Steve Pineo delivers unto us another Scrooge “In the Dominion of Mr. Klein.” This calypso rumba recalls when Mr. Klein he had a drink, told the poor people just what he think But don’t ever let the homeless say Mr. Klein never threw any money their way Because before he slammed the shelter door he threw 95 dollars on the floor And this was right at the Christmas time. And a one-two-three dip!

Christmas Countdown: 9:6

Isaiah 9:6 is the chapter and verse of the Jayby born. Sing it, but reference it.

The Corner Room puts “Isaiah 9:6-7” to pretty folk strumming. Then some reading.

Awana’s “Isaiah 9:6” is more motonous kidsong. Then big chorus.

JumpStart3 tries big party techno with “Isaiah 9:6.” Then more party.

Mr. Chocks’s “Happy Christmas” brings us salvation and no reason to be depress with a Jamaican backbeat in the name of that Bible quote. Mo’ message, mo’ poem.

Christmas Countdown: 9-7

Tha Dogg Pound’s “I Wish” is a Xmas rap for love, even with young oppressed men only dreaming of guns. So leave it to one enterprising poster to show us Ralphie in ‘A Christmas Story’ under the song. Oh yeah, and the bookends of Toys ‘R Us commercials (with a fraction of a second of an actual black child). The number in question, however, quoted in What’s the solution for your 9-7 resolution? is probably not the screen of an iPad Pro, so i dunno….

Christmas Countdown: 99

Two digits and counting! Woo!!

Maybe it’s the journey for _Patrickconnor as he’s still 99 miles from home in “I Know You All Love Christmas.” Driving pop/rock that never quite gets there.

“Doin” is a Daft Punk parody (posted by HydroDalek) of a tech-store Christmas commercial. It’s a mad techno party on consumerism and we’ve seen the sequel before. But now, the DVD player is 99$! Go mad!

From the comedic video game centric variety show Scott the Woz, comes the endearing pop “It’s a Bargain Bin Christmas,” where returned march makes for unwanted presents–but may only cost 99¢!

While on the topic, John Dunbar wows with the folk pop “Christmas Shopping at the 99 Cent Store.” It’s a class struggle time of the year. Don’t judge.

Uh oh. Kash & Rico play the funny rap card with “Santa Likes Them.” This dirty dawg of a Claus may bring 99 presents but a ho ain’t one (sorry–not sorry, Jay Z). He sure likes them for himself.

“99% Christmas” is a call to anger ‘gainst the 1%. Folk screed from Andrew Pfaff. What would Jesus rant?

Whirlwind transforms an angsty indie plea for sanity into The Simpsons‘ Christmas special with “Lovers Turn to Monsters.” It works. 99 to 1 odds (like with Santa’s Little Helper), but it does.

Christmas Countdown: 100??

What else is 100 at Christmas?

100 caps in on the short list of “All I Want” from Kj-52 & Spechouse. Raucous rap that’s just kidding.

100 proof is good enough for RaeLynn in the clever country pop “Jingle Bell Drunk.” Strangely, she thinks she’s got YOU–but still wants to take the edge off with the hard stuff.

A hundred bird baths is only part of the thought that counts in “Christmas at the Zoo” from Jacob Jeffries & Beauty Queen. A remarkably cornball big band concoction, this party brings Xmas to the animals. ‘Bout time!

Christmas Countdown: 100 years

So we did 100 in terms of distance, and even rate. How about time? 100 times Xmas!

Cooper & Jones country rock the gentle lullaby “A Hundred Sleeps Till Christmas.” So go back to bed. Now!

One hundred chores before the party is another way to measure time in “Christmas is More than Ribbons and Bows.” Percussive pop from John Weeden (feat. Isaac Folch) leads us calmly to the true joy.

Despite war and bars and foreigners, David Fee also lulls us with the prog rock wandering of “One Hundred Years (Christmas).” Peace, dude.

Christmas Countdown: 100 miles

How far is Christmas? Is it 100 miles? Shall we go 100 miles per hour to get there?

Kyle Matthews covers Oak Ridge Boys’s “Inconvenient Christmas,” a country stand-up sermon reminding us how Mary was Forced to walk a hundred miles just to give birth in the hay. Ask your mom about that level of inconvenience.

Taylor Swift’s “Christmas Must be Something More” blames our hundred mile an hour lives for not appreciating the specialness that the preacher told you about.

“All I want is a Tesla Truck” remarks Frosty in a sprightly rap. ‘Cuz. you know, Goin’ 0 to 100. Weee!