“Christmas in Indiana” is not where you expect the urban opression to create fomenting rap, but: All around the state From the country to downtown From up north to way down south: Holidays won’t stop production Reluctant to stand complacent, This rap city like the basement, Bunch of 30’s on them Chevy’s, We ballin just like the Pacers–so rhymes Hoosier Boy.
Nasty BLUE ALERT rap from Sumo, “Santa” is all money and sex and guns (30 clip) and drugs and the usual Xmas excess.
“Merry Chrysler” is more playful rap from J (feat. Christian Sams). I guess a car arrives full of gifts including the rifle, a 30 aught 6. You’ll put your eye out!
Waiting and missing and pining and moping, Nevershoutnever whines out the emo-boy alt rock of “30 Days,” as in 30 days till Christmas and all I know Is I’m not quite ready to let go of this past year. Not until you call him!
Pleading: “Santa, Get Your Shit Together“ You know there’s 30 other days in December? Farebrother has a make-over figured for poor Santa Claus. ’70s-ish psychedelia. So, C’mon. Big guy, they really want to see you love yourself!
Official Sidekick Production is fighting crime with 30 days… 19 days… 5 days… 4 hours ’til Christmas. “A Christmas Break” may not be coming in this bouncy parody. Save the city or get the wrapping done??!
Despite the big outdoor event the children wanna go home ’cause “30 Foot Spirit“‘s arrived. Whether Into It. Over It. is talking about a yacht, a travel trailer, or a metaphor, i’m down with their alt-rock morose tribute to suburban holidayism.
With just another parody of ‘Blue Christmas’ into “Zoom Christmas,” Sunday Comes Afterwards plays it cool with the wit and ukulele. Though your background displays 30 Rock’s Christmas tree; It won’t be the same dear, if you’re on my PC.
The girls are dressing to the nines for the holidays: Fur coat to the floor with the boots up high Swing my 30 inches from side to side. “December Sleigh (Slay)” from Nana Ama & 4.DAIZ backbeats hot salsa to their peppery rapping.
Piano bar jazz mellows down “West Coast Christmas,” where Micah Jess dreams of a TV white Christmas, or maybe 20 degrees, or maybe 30 degrees.
7, then 15, finally 30[something], Tish Hinajosa translates the super adorbs “Arbolito” about the little girl who just loves Christmas (and Andy Williams and icicles) and wants her little tree to know. Pop corrida.
Starting a bit early (31 days ’til Christmas) Straight No Chaser start their countdown (in multiples of 7) toasting “To Christmas!” This is a cappella that bears repeating. (It’s only 6 days ’til New Years!)
The 31st itself may be a bit late. Katherine McPhee divas us with Years almost over Sure looks like December; The snow and ice on the ground, I hadn’t sent a single Christmas card, The 31st is coming around… But “It’s Not Christmas Without You” means that time is a feeling, not a particular day. Soaring/hokey pop.
Sergio Otero, however, hates the 24th and the 31st as fake excuses for family get-togethers. In a BLUE ALERT hard rocker “Christmas Hyporcrisy” also maintains the heart, not the clock, is what matters.
NOW it’s cold enough! To stay inside and play nookie. So, the new version of how cold it is outside (all consensual and non-rapey) is Rob Vischer’s country pop “So in Love at Christmas Time.” You could dance to it.
“Bad Santa” is ‘Bo Didley’ done Xmas by Shorty Garrett. How bad is he? OSHA would be looking into his working conditions for those 32 hoofs on frozen roofs.
What else is 32 and glisten just like a Christmas Tree??? “My Shiny Teeth and Me“!! This Fairly Odd Parents song (Chip Skylark [Chris Kirkpatrick]) gets the hard rock cover by Sink the Ship. Rock out as needed.
Numerology reaches into “Christmas is a Special Day” by Fats Domino. Since the difference of the digits of the 25th is 3, Jesus rises on the 3rd day, but lived until he was 33. (What was a good life span back then??) Sounds like an Easter message, but it’s honestly a go-to-church message. To the blues.
Alt rock from The Fall jumbles Jerusalem with Prestwich while observing The Laird’s birth and death (at the age of 33 Which is as good a time as any). “Xmas with Simon” is a true curiosity. Celebrate it!
Ted Leo gets punk with his requiem “Annunciation/Born on Christmas Day.” The Falkland Island War may have done in a mate of the artist’s as in Matty, you were born on Christmas day And just like the one they call Jesus Christ you had thirty-three years before they sent you on your way. Holidays, at times, are more than a celebrated mass, they are a way to mark your calendars. Legit song.
OneNamedPeter was not happy during COVID-19 when “Christmas is Cancelled.” His Brit pop bemoans the losses, including the wasted ten-ton turkey enough to feed 33.
Jamie Grace conjures Christmas any time when My 33’s on my Panasonic Like a cotton candy maker spinning with harmonics And my mama’s singing to it My daddy’s dancing to it…. “Christmas Together” is a real celebration, because of the music (wild, hand-clappin folk-pop). I mean, that’s my mission statement.
Updating the sentiment of Nat King Cole’s ‘Little Boy,’ Blu & Exile wonder why “Christmas Missed Us.” Didn’t get the GI Joe when he was a kid, but only two pennies. Now, he’s thirty-four and got cheese. Sad, but not rude, rap.
Jamin Bradley, sadly, wants you to know “Baby I’m a Grinch.” Gonzo & Rizzo, Turbo Man, Tim Allen, Buddy the Elf, the Kranks, Charlie Brown all get their licks from this critic. Worst off–don’t check 34th street The only miracle Is staying awake through that movie. Sweetly melodic soul rap.
Sloppy Seconds don’t like it when THEY want to know what the Christmas plans are–the only thing in the works is (falling asleep to Miracle on 34th Street on TV) a “Lonely Christmas.” Tragic, but raging rock (in a popular music vein).
Better Than Ezra seems to just list the symptoms for a “Merry Christmas Eve” (including There’s a miracle on 34th Street). Jazzy, plodding pop, heavy on the sax.
For Brian Lim, a “Miracle on 34th Street” isn’t making Santa real–but making you mine. Guess that would take a miracle with this treacly percussive pop. Be the present.
Tim McGraw also whines–to “Dear Santa,” We need a miracle like the one on 34th, To get us back to where we were before. Country music like you hear in the stadium.
“Christmas in the City” is the rap/R+B of Mary J Blige (feat. Angie Martinez) about living large in NYC. Rockefeller Center, Radio City, and There’s a miracle on 34th Street On a train, yeah, that lady With all them bags, you see. No other place she’d rather be.
Little Timmy and Young Jacob decide to celebrate the B-Day of JC by getting all JD in the rapping true-crime tutorial “Merry Xmas” by Obi J. Don’t take notes! (Even if your friend has locker #35.) BLUE ALERT
Cyrus has a laundry list of accomplishments to take stock when “Baby, It’s Christmas.” From dropping 35 new records, to remastering my albums, to a tour ‘round the country where I made a lot of money then I lost it all to COVID–but none of it seems to matter in this folky pop tell-all, ‘cuz he BLUE ALERT lost you. I think he’s sorry. At least he’s talented.
Guys Nite brings us back to the is it/isn’t it “Die Hard” question, but this time John McClain addresses all four movies (including the fourth where a truck takes on an F-35 fighter). Granted, after the first two–There ain’t no Allen, and it’s not Christmas. But it’s the spirit of Xmas in this BLUE ALERT rocking commentary–to kick ass!
Despite the title, imma NOT gonna call a blue on “Christmas is Bullshit.” JC Cassis has some slightly R+B hard pop hating on the holidays [I’ve tried Christmas 35 times! It’s NOT WORKING FOR ME!]. Don’t worry, Santa-nistas, she DOES has a solution to Christmas woe if you’d just listen.
“36 Presents” is a ballad from miniMATTHEW about life, family, loss, and anything else you read into this beat poetry set to minstrely folk pop. Pretty.
Tray GooD has a short origin story in “36 Days,” a rap announcement how he was born AFTER Christmas. Capable.
