Christmas Countdown: 70

Seventy seems high (for elder years) and also low (for furnace settings). How far will today’s number take us… in rap?

PM has a BLUE ALERT “Wishlist” quid pro quo. For many, detailed sexual favors, she receives everything: including a 70″ plasma. Grawly rap.

Living fast and ballin’ at Christmas time, is Jim Jones’s answer to McCartney’s ‘Wonderful.’ “Dipset X-mas Time” has some baller wants, like: I think the coupe might do the hard thing (For real) Gotta do seventy and out pops the wing (Uh-oh). Laid back rap.

RodneyAlan gets all cozy with his rap “Whatchu Want for Christmas.” He purrs: Give me a melody Sing it to you when we’re wrinkly and seventy–and that’s what he wants from you, chuchi-face.

Christmas Countdown: 75

Pissed off at his own childhood nostalgia, Frontier Ruckus leads us a merry garage chase to “Orion Town 2.” The brass is brassy, the poetic lyrics beat: I-75 is the swallower of Christmas; The gloom of its gladness is night on our shoulders Connecting our sorrows like ponds with an isthmus. Grow up already!

Back onto the same route: I-75 is a dark roadway lined With the wild electricity of the Animal behaviors… Frontier Ruckus backtracks into banjo strummin’ screaming. “Driving Home, Christmas Eve” drives home the melancholia of Christ’s Mass.

“Rudolph Did a Whoopsie on My Rooftop” includes three quarter of a hundred weight of residue. Ivor Biggun does his music hall burlesque with a jazz bent here, and it’s crap-tastic.

A bit off topic, the talky experimental “Comatose Cakes Penguin” deals with the wintry feel of a dangerous flightless bird. ColdmaN5 explains that He takes a lot of naps 75 hours at a time–These aren’t naps; These are comas. There’s even a Xmas part where he decorates his room like a holiday with the dismembered parts of his enemies. It’s the merriest!

Christmas Countdown: 78

I can’t seem to tire of Martin Rivas’s haunting alt-folk “Another Christmas 78rpm.” Transcending, man.

Cold enough for you? “Hanukkah in Santa Monica” gets a gospel update from Mike Barnett (feat. Allie Kramer) and now names the temp: a crisp 78!

The other day it dropped to 78 I’m kind of cold, brags “Florida Christmas.” To the Handel chorus Kj-52 X Jonah cleverly disputes your preconceived notions and raps in the holidays, playful-like.

Christmas Countdown: 80*

Insistent soul from Sunny lists the wants, including an 80″ screen TV. “Sunny Christmas” seems satisfying, at least materially.

Waka Flocka Flame machine-gun-raps “Grinch” about Gucci had stole 80 pounds–but it’s reefer, brah. Not cool. Now there’s no tree.

“Christmas on Interstate 80” is a juke joint country story from 5 Chinese Brothers. It’s as sad and as hopeful as you’d imagine.

Bish bash bong woo! We’ll be loving Christmas Day Oh, when we’re 80–or so says the headache-inducing pop of Girls Aloud in “I Wanna Kiss You so (Christmas in a Nutshell).” All i want for Christmas is my two Excedrin.

There are roughly 80 Christmases in a lifetime, begins “Adult Christmas” by Moon Moon Moon. This reflective alt-pop emotional exploration is BLUE ALERT brutal so strap in.

Legit country folk from Sofia Tolvak might redeem the whole mess. “One Last Christmas Wish” comes from when you’re eighty years old and you can still remember the love of your life around the tree. ‘Scuse me a moment….

Christmas Countdown: 80˙

Brad Brewer is south of the Georgia line “A Palm Tree at Christmas.” This country folk is homespun and home-recorded. Kinda rocks, though.

Also deeply South (and warm) Craig Croker Jr. gently strums and folks and pop of “It’s a LowCountry Christmas.” I just about smell it….

Eighty degrees in The Keys is the least of Grandpa C’s problems. Featured in The Christmas Workshop Band Jingles’s “White Christmas Dream,” the rapping oldster is stuck in a horrible holiday loop. Don’t let it catch you. But, if it does, Pass the beer.

Also Floridian, Artie N croons the pop “Xmas in the Sun,” a Calypso-adjacent chill party. Not sure why he’s pretending Mexico–guess 80 isn’t warm enough.

On the other coast, “Boost Christmas” is much more Caribbean (?!?) from SUPERCHARGED (feat. Kwanza Jones & Matty). Pop bubblegum party spew.

Palm Beach is the high pitched pop squealing second-best for Kara Colvin “‘Til I’m Home.” If you can’t be where you want to be be where you are… i guess.

Christmas Countdown: 83

83 is still too warm during “Christmas Time in L.A.” for Chanté Moore. R+B about how beautiful it is in the sand. But i’m not not seduced by the pop rhythms. Could this be R&B ironic??

Malinda offers to Test every strand of lights and drape the tree in 83 ways for her “(Im)perfect Christmas.” Smokey jazz and bluesy wiles about how cool it is to be kinda dumb. Brrr.

83 years is the sentence in “Rudolph’s Story.” Jae Trxpp raps the Xmas tale old as time ’bout the two homeboys who accidentally shoot a kid, split the loot, get greedy, shoot one another, recover, lay low, then snitch. Sing along.

Christmas Countdown: 84

“Colorado Christmas” makes a comeback from it’s posting back in 2015. The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band is at its most poetic here poking fun at California. Looking out the window of this Hollywood Hotel You’d never know that it was Christmas Eve. The billboards and the neon took the place of silver bells And the temperture is 84 degrees. Still too warm, boys.

“Miracle on 84th Street” takes Santa uptown with some rockin’ stylings a la I Don’t Know Margo. Crazy.

Christmas Countdown: 85

Isn’t 85 warm enough for equatorial Xmas? “Santa’s Going South for Christmas” sings Sammy Hagar with appropriate American rock about leaving the freeze and going to Mexico where the temp is mid-eighties.

Joey + Rory get more country rock with “Let It Snow (Somewhere Else).” Somewhere in the islands, it’s more’n warm.

A form of reggae rap livens Social Club Misfits’ “Christmas in Florida.” How you gon drive in the snow Wait …it’s Florida girl it’s 85 degrees.

Arthur Ray gets all slo-mo with his rapping “Christmas in Houston.” Whole lot more descriptive, too: Carolers on Texas Ave sangin’ “White Christmas” 85 degrees, hoes is sweet tea sipping G’s in they slabs got they 4-4s tippin’ Grippin’ wood grain with the candy paint drippin’. Uh, Blue-ish Alert.

The Dan Band notes no snow ’cause it’s 85 degrees (when it drops down to 70 people think they’re gonna freeze). “Christmas Time in California” is like that. Ironic boy band silliness.

Whew, let’s cool it down with ADHD (Animation Domination High Definition). Heather Anne Campbell’s Scientifically Accurate series takes on “Santa Claus” with a whole pile of numbers (speed of Santa, size of craters where he lands), but ends with 85%–the measure of countries WITHOUT child labor laws (who make the toys, not the elves). To the tune of ‘Coming to Town’ get ready to be offended, grossed out, and (perhaps) educated.