The Funny Music Project (FuMP) brings us many treasures each year. Here’s one from Marc Gunn of the Brobdingnagian Bards (a Renn faire duo based out of Austin). “The Celtic Christmas Elf Conscription Song” is based on the ‘Recruiter Sergeant,’ an Irish folk song. They know a thing or two about being impressed into someone else’s trouble. Although i suspect this has more to do with co-opting that timeless tradition of elves into something crass and commercial (that isn’t Tolkien).
Category: world music
Wrap the Rainbow: lime
Between yellow and green lies the lovely swatch of lime.
Fresh from Trinidad/Tobago come Baron and PH2o Phlo with a fantastic dance piece from the album The Sweetest Riddum: “The Sweetest Christmas Lime.” Parang, y’all.
Christmas Every Day: July (2)
“Christmas in July” is such a potent figurative phrase, Dear Me turns it into a song about the tortured search for love. Garage groovy. (Christmas somehow never gets mentioned.)
T42 makes fantasyland sport with folk-pop-rock ’80s style sliding in and out of goth, dance floor, and coffee house poetry. Their “Christmas in July” is about the impossible dream of–whatever they’re dreaming about.
Rachel Giordano searches for her key with the amateur song “Christmas in July.” It’s about unattained love (not the Nativity), natch.
The Traveling Suitcase goes backwoods to alt rock “Christmas in July.” They’re feeling the insecurity of existentialism. I think. (Certainly not jolly. Or merry.)
BLUE ALERT – Enjay raps about the fight for his ego to fit in this pity-poor world with “Christmas in July.” (No holiday subjects were harmed in the making of this spew.)
CONTINUED BLUE – Not enough RAP?! Malaki Davinci drops a beat about drinkin’, smokin’, singin’ (not the holidays) in “Christmas in July.”
The Story So Far yells their “Christmas in July” for even more love hopeless love lorn losers. Yell along. The title appears in the lyrics. (But nothing about mistletoe, fruitcake, eggnog, nor peppermint.)
Bib hair country rockers Big Sister rip up some axe to tell you why life without you is like it’s “Christmas in July.” Wotta metaphor!
Slightly less angsty is country strummer Reagan Holyfield moaning over the awful holidays and wishing he had some “Christmas in July.” Cruises, in the Bahamas, soaking up sun on the beach…? Ok.
Brrr–musicians are so lost and alone! Let’s warm up with a little Islander tune from the great Jonathan Coulton (and John Roderick). “Christmas in July” here is about the summer relaxation we wish we could impart to the hectic winter blues. Mai Tais all around!
Christmas Every Day: July (1)
The prolific and poetic Sufjan Stevens delivers on the rhyme and reason of “Christmas in July.” Now you know.
The Artistic Differences sing (?) “Christmas in July” out of their basement without God’s blessing, but with a bellyful of cheer. Pretty creepy.
Perhaps just mixed up (drunk) are Toini & The Tomcats feeling “Christmas in July.” Fair rockabilly. Great howling.
R-rated fun somehow gets twisted up candy cane style when “It’s Christmas in July,” brought to you by Ouate de Phoque. Video contains a rockin’ collection of playful pinups AND Christmas in July ad-promotional art.
Island entertainer, Ray Fogg gets promotional as well with greasy lounge caroldy: “Christmas in July from Pun-in-Bay.” Har de har.
‘There’s No Law That Says We Can’t Sing Christmas Songs!’ avers Dave Love in “It’s Christmas in July.” Pop meets alt. Palt!
Breathy and heavily accented, Clara Oleg jazzes up “Christmas in July“–wait is some of that scat in Scandinavian? Pouty pop.
But my idea of fun is when the President orders “Christmas in July.” Hijinks ensue. And the fun polka/rock fusion band Brave Combo delivers toys, toys, toys.
Manger Management: Mixed Mammal Bag
We’ll get to the puppies, kitties, and cows in a bit. Let’s lump together the odds and ends of furry critters here.
Although the Red Cross loves ’em, i find Christmas seals daunting–they could drown ya or freeze ya. But Liz Anderson, The Fairy Grandmother, walks you through their features (strengths and shortcomings) in “Christopher the Christmas Seal“–even their flappers!
Honey Jean Bunch retros up the ante with “Whitey the Christmas Seal.” Tippetty tappety flippety flappety… try not to get all childlike with this drugged out tune.
Kristen Burkholder giggles through “Bunny Christmas Song” at some down home talent show. We all we wish we had close warm home holidays like we imagine rabbit families having.
If you’re not clear how cool the bunnies are then listen how “Rabbits Have a Christmas” by Linn Sheldon (a b-side from 1958… missed it before).
Based on the Teri Sloat children’s book Suzy Arnowitz again nails it with “Hark the Aarvark Angels Sing” –apparently to make sure your Christmas card is delivered on time. ‘Cause they alphabetize so well, you know, being first in the dictionary, and like that.
Another late addition! Bah & The Humbugs have crafted a crawling, scratching rocker: “Here Comes Skunky Claws.” Smell that stocking!
The Presidents of the United States of America have a fun alt rock time introducing us to “Christmas Piglet.” Who’s a cute swine?
What’s that crawling out of the canal! Benny Grunch & the Bunch get a little Zydeco with a new holiday mascot suggestion: “Norris the Nocturnal Nutria.” Cool… and eww.
Manger Management: Simpler (2)
Also Mollusca are slugs and snails (but not little boy parts).
Their inclusion in holiday humorous hymns is hit and miss.
Snaildartha is an experimental jazz album playing under the spoken word jazz of (The Story of Jerry the Christmas Snail). If that’s your thing, go with Thelonius. Or you could start with “A Snail is Born.” It’s different. Not exactly novelty Christmas music.
More outre are The Snails, post modern rockers from Baltimore with band mate names like Snailpril and Snailliam. Their “Snails Christmas (I Want a New Shell)” is just what you want to hear before you go clubbing.
Folk On is a comedy folk trio from Little Dribblepatch. Gloucester. Reminiscent of The Irish Rovers and The Kingston Trio, they know how to set a mood and tell a story. Listen to the saga of poor little “Ernie, the Christmas Slug” as he moves out of the regular rotation as ‘the Little Pet Slug’ and becomes the saviour of the working class.
Manger Management: bugs (3)
I’m sure i don’t have to tell you how awful it is to incorporate bugs into the body of Christ-mas music. Eww.
So let’s get nasty.
Worst of all doesn’t seem to have actual arthropoda. Kirby Krackel nerd rock comic songsters extrodinaire have a precious holiday single “I’m Stuck in a Human Centipede for Christmas” which is what the song is about. If you are intrigued at all, check these guys out. This is poor-taste awesome.
Old Hands’ “Doug the Christmas Bedbug” instructs as well as horrifies. View the youtube slide show at your peril. Something Native American about the whole musical theme that makes me wonder.
Wane Fawesome marries Cheech and Family Guy to get an insect-invasion STD Christmas song full of Jingle Bells jollity with hardly the need for a Blue Alert. “Itchy Balls.” It’s catchy.
At a Naturist Convention, Helene Williams & Leonard Lehrman sing an updated “A Cockroach Christmas” with material torn from yesterday’s headlines (listen to his intro). It’s an infestation nativity!
Gary Strickland wants the last word on disgusting Christmas racism with “Jose, the Christmas Cockroach.” The guy went to a lot of video-making trouble and the number is way too long. But this is what novelty Christmas music is all about. All genius effort, no class.
The Future: Star Wars (5)
Star Wars is so original and imaginative (wink wink) that it simply must beget original Christmas songs–not only parodies. So let’s explore the few, the proud, the Jedi of carols.
With more fun than talent (like with me and you), Sci-Fried featuring Marc With a C soft-rock out to “Star Wars Christmas.” It’s not quite the Dark side, but it is about getting. And puppets!
Steve Yotch Crotch gives us “The Star Wars Christmas Song” about a simple Christmas wish for 2015. Amateur fun. You should be amateurishly amused.
Zachary Padilla raps “Star Wars is Better than Christmas” because he’s got his priorities straight. And maybe he’s not Christian.
StarrySky has wrapped up a badly translated “Santa Vader” full of emo manga. It’s odd and dark and catchy. (I KNEW the Dark Side had the best cookies!) (Francophiles please to follow the directions at the end of the video.)(Then tell me what the noel is going on here.)
State Enough Already: American Samoa
American Samoa is not Samoa, which doesn’t belong to us. AS was occupied around 1900 and has never been fully adopted. It’s an unincorporated territory. Kind of a hobby, i guess. The big exports are tuna and military recruits (no other jobs, brah).
Some of the carols in Samoan are pretty, if a little electric. Like, you know, “Alofaaga mo Toa o Samoa” by the Petesa-Uta Congregational Christian Church of American Samoa Choir. Or, on the pop side, Mr. Tee and Zipso (a morning Zoo radio duo??) rap out “Manuia Le Kerisimasi.” Great guitar riffing (Island Bluegrass??) and purdy pop holiday moods come from Panesi Afulao with “Tu’u Mai Lu Lima.” It’s a two-step, fur sure.
As for English The American Samoa Community College Choir sings Dr. Paul Pouesi’s heartbreaking (i guess) paean for the tsunami victims back in 2010: “Christmas is Here Again.” (I’m pretty sure that’s not ironic.)
I’m going to settle on the language i don’t know, however, because ANZ Bank Choir rock me with “Samoa’s 13th Days Christmas.” It sounds like ladies vs. gents, but i kinda wanna sing along.
State Et Cetera: Guam
Guam is the jewel of the Marianas Islands… which we also ‘protect.’ It’s all military and touristy. A nice place to visit (Magellan liked it)….
For a taste of the people and their language and our electric keyboards try “Chamorro Christmas Songs. I may be hearing a bit of polka oompah. The Germans used to own the Northern Marianas. Hmmm.
Louise and Friends sing “Santa’s Island in the Sun” as a truly dreadful disco rap. They want to entertain you–or time travel.
St. Francis School Honor Choir brings us “Christmas in Guam” with harmonies of angels missing teeth piggybacking a ’70s backbeat. Their innocence truly makes this tiny rock a paradise for the holidays. (For a grittier version check out the slide show version here.)