Category: rock

Xmas Dance Party: week of rock (Monday)

MOR (middle of the road) rock is that symphonic pap you hear in the elevators. Why would you do that to the Beatles… oh, actually they did sound like that.

B’way has killed the musical genre, making most cool tunes sound the same. The cast of “The Drowsy Chaperone” mash sax and ‘ba-doo-wa’ out of doo wop goodness and into harmonious building, building, climax with “Rockin’ Christmas Angel.” Wipe your mouth.

Sha Na Na resuscitated rock for a nostalgic craze in the ’70s which left the door open for all manner of retread revisioning nonsense. Exhibit A: The Hollydays counting their paces through “Christmas Rock ‘N’ Roll.” It’s nostalgic like the Red Scare is nostalgic.

Kid music also has done what it could to ruin rock. The Wiggles desperately want you to sing along with their redundant mundane “Rockin‘ Santa.” Poor sound quality, too many long ‘o’s, nonsense.

Cutting out the (101 Strings) middleman, Bradley Gillis goes for the older crowd with his 1980s styled “Santa is Rocking.” If the band Chicago is rocking, so is this.

Xmas Dance Party: week of rock (Sunday)

It’s our day of thrash. Rock has grown up but never quit rebelling.

Garage rock has an axe to grind, Santa’s Little Rockerz recall mojo nixon with their rockabilly meets monotonous noise release “Rockin’ with Rudolph.” That boogie woogie piano is monster, but their spirit is pretty pissed off.

More garage, The Fleshtones chant “Super Rock Santa.” Harder to dance to, impossible not to pogo to.

Light metal might be a descriptor for Firing Blanks with their “Rockin’ at Christmas.” This has the hallmarks of rage, but won’t break the lease. Pretty, pretty, pretty.

Also lightened up, Iron Maiden metal up a previous mention (Gary Glitter’s) “Another Rock and Roll Christmas.” Yeah, i guess we didn’t need to go there.

Smudging up the Elton John singsong “Step into Christmas” The Business make punk work out of nonsense. Hats off, chaps.

The Degraders fill my list with “Christmas Twist” (to which i could not in fact dance the twist). All the major garage and metal vitamins are here, kids.

CDM Chartbreakers mock and honor punk with “Rockin’ Little Christmas” an eandearinglittle ditty you just might walk across the room to.

Xmas Dance Party: week of rock (Saturday)

Rock also stems from country, boogie woogie comes from swing and blues after all. But country has tried to reclaim rock with varying degrees of success.

To clue you in, Cordell Jackson beats the hound dog with “Rock ‘N’ Roll Christmas,” an almost hillbilly country styling of swing. It’s class revolt, so take a step back and revere rock heritage.

Some down home chet atkins pickin’ canevoke rockabilly, but i hear old school country in “Rockin’ Boppin’ Christmas” by Mississippi Queen. Don’t be a square, bubba.

Brooks & Dunn are at their best with “Rockin’ Little Christmas” but is it rock? Nice beat… can dance to it… uh, no.

On the other boot let’s admit, we dig the trailer trash joy of some of that country. So let’s pause for the claus: Trailer Choir country rock “Rockin’ the Beer Gut“–one of those songs that’s funny but still kind of touching. Good old boys.

Overplaying the country (despite the saxophone) Knightsbridge keeps “Rockin’ Little Christmas” little. It’s a dance for two.

Honky tonk plays well into the rock. Christian Serpas & Ghost Town team up for a “Rockin’ ol’ Christmas.” And i believe this would call for a repeat on the jukebox.

Country style rock (a la The Dead, Allman Bros.) mellows the beat with apt guitarification. Twangy singing and–here–zydeco accordian (!) really string it out. “Rock ‘n’ Rolling Santa” by Swamp Doctor and Margherita, cher, doncha know.

Xmas Dance Party: week of rock (Friday)

Pop rock infiltrated hipster and class struggling revolters as soon as it started, so the scared middle class could feel in fashion.

Check out the big band safety Benny-Lee & The Ken Tones supply with the “Rockin’ and Rollin’ Santa Claus.” Strictly for the schmo from Kokomo.

There’s always room for bubblegum. Gary Glitter swamps up disco, bebop, and country for his “Another Rock and Roll Christmas.” Is he singing or heaving?

Retro Aussies ‘Ol 55 sneak a touch of boogie woogie soul into over-electricalated over-drummed “Rockin’ Xmas.” Little lateral move needed for this dance, just bopping in place would be fine.

Xmas Dance Party: week of rock (Wednesday)

Load me up with soulful rock!

Just to keep the beat, let’s tip the panama to doo wop as a precursor to rock. No better way than to acknowledge The Hepsters “Rockin’ and Rollin’ with Santa Claus.” It’s a gas.

More doo wop? At your service! Barry and the Highlights twist us into rock inevitability with “Xmas Bell Rock.” My oh my.

The white version would be Jon Cobert relying on brass for his R+B in his “Rockin’ Soul Christmas.” White folks do have soul, it just costs more.

Maybe it’s just me, but i hear Kashief Lindo’s reggae and i hear R+B. Try “Rockin’ Christmas” and tell me what you think.

Huey ‘Piano’ Smith and the Clowns from 1962 deliver “Rock ‘n’ Roll Santa Claus” on time with postage due. It’s R+B! (and maybe a touch of garage disonance)–

Xmas Dance Party: week of rock (Tuesday)

The explosion of Christmas novelty, music availability, counterculture–rock ‘n’ roll all overlap. So, let’s take a few days to celebrate rock and xmas.

Let’s start near the beginning. The first songs to be called rock were just boogie woogie with a harder guitar line. Have you heard The Moods’s “Rockin’ Santa Claus“? Then you know.

Sandy Baron swings jive into rock with “Swingin’ Santa Claus.” It’s authentic, but not memorable.

Slowing the rock roots way down, “Rockin’ Christmas” plays retro like it’s a fun Vegas show with in-crowd references. But Valentine Green has some loungey-big band chops and makes old-timey rock seem cute.

Can you call boogie woogie rock ‘n’ roll and be done with it? Well, plenty do. The Jeff Archer Group cram some Jerry Lee licks into their “Rockin’ Christmas Boogie” but still sound like Friday night at Shari’s.

More retro wave riders include Robert Wells and Little Mike Watson. Their “A Very Merry Rockin’ Good Christmas” just sounds a bit tired.

Can you call it rock when you can’t understand the words? (Well i presume you can’t.) Try The Renovators with “Rockin’ Good Christmas in Hebrew.” You may feel guilty afterward, but you may dance uncontrollably as well.

The Tractors sound boogie woogie still, but increase the insistency of the beat in this orignery stylin’ of “Rockin’ This Christmas.” Dance to the revolution of the evolution.

Santa Jobs: myth

On the other hand, Santa seeming omnipresent may overload our senses to the point whereas the small minded may discount any of his presence due to his inconceivability.

The Nay-Santers. The dis-en-sant-ed. The incomplete people.

A few songs, then, out of pity, for those deniers who believe Santa’s job is to be nothing.

Sigh.

BLUE ALERT. Nick Helm, comically competing on some singing show, lets his anger out a crack at the revelation that “There Ain’t No Fucking Santa Claus.” Hard rocking, hard feelings.

BLUE ALERT. Driller profanely rages metal against the milk and cookies with their “There’s No Santa Claus.” Even though he doesn’t exist, i think they’d kill him. Jesus, too.

BLUE ALERT. Trick Daddy raps the quandary colorfully with “Ain’t No Santa.” Hrm, maybe this is just a PSA directing kids to believe or end up dead nigas.

Perhaps too drunk to realize what they’re saying The Damned report “There Ain’t No Sanity Clause.” We may have crossed over into more personal garage rock issues.

Let’s stay prog rock and explore the possibility that we’ve merely misplaced the Wise Winterman. Captain Beefheart inspects whether or not “There’s No Santa on the Evening Stage.” It’s the blues.

Jazzy blues also come from Russ Lorenson singing a Barry Manilow number “I Guess there Ain’t No Santa Claus.” I think he’s confusing Santa with basic happiness. …well, that ain’t wrong.

Ron Holden and the Thunderbirds got it figured out. When they ask “Who Sez There Ain’t No Santy Claus?” they mean: who wants to have a horrible, empty life spiraling downward into doom. Rock the doo wop here and BELIEVE.

 

Santa Jobs: clones

You knew!

Santa’s secondary job, like Dr. Who’s, is to fold space-time so he can be everywhere at the same moment. He seems to be multiple copies of himself–but that’s our limited perception forcing our paradigm on his magic.

I’m glad you knew.

The Peter Pan Carolers explain their shock that there are “Ten Thousand Santa Clauses,” but never fear–they’ll blink them away.

When Gayla Peevey wasn’t shilling for hippopotami, she was counting “77 Santa Clauses.” Kids think they’re so smart.

The more adult perspective comes from Bob Rivers who, natch, turns ‘Here Comes’ to “There’s Another Santa Claus.” Yes, very clever. But you seem to be racist, Bob.

The appropriate response to “Too Many Santas” is awe and stupefaction. Although The Bobs collapse into cynicism, they do it with love. Rock steady.g00384

Santa Jobs: impersonator

Is Santa his real name? Is it Kris? Or Billy?

We may not ever know who this guy is.

Here are some guesses who he could actually be in his spare time.

Of course Bob Rivers has an opinion. He claims, in his best der Bingle, that “There’s a Santa Who Looks a Lot Like Elvis” down at the K-Mart store. Wait, who’s standing in for whom?

Ralph Garman similarly wonders who the real Marshall Bruce Mathers III is in his Kevin and Bean radio parody “The Real Slim Santa.” It’s a shady present no matter how you rap it.

Lee Stranger gets rock and revival with his electric “I Wanted Christ and You Gave Me Santa Claus.” Are you sure they’re two different people? I’ve never seen them together….

Santa Jobs: babysitter

Now that you know better, it’s time to let Santa watch over your bundle of joy.

According to wild man Barry Richards the baby will have the better of Reindeer Man. Clue in to “Baby Sittin’ Santa” and rock your diaper!