Category: rock

Bill Clinton might be the one to ask about ‘the definition of sex,’ but i guess we’ll include them willies and bajingos for our search of Xmas sex songs. When a man and a woman eat each other very much… well, mostly the woman… well, listen:

Margaret Cho and Red Peters revisit us with “The Christmas Gift,” all jazzy and smokey and unzipped.

JR De Guzman shyly tries out the naughty words with “A Christmas Song, Sort of.” Soft club blues to put you in the mood–to laff!

The Beaver Boys get nostalgically retro rock with “It’s Christmas and You’re Sucking on My Balls.” Santa features significantly, and a bit rudely. But surely you’ll forgive his indiscretions given the lively jazz riffs.

Santa Claus is such a strong symbol that he seduces all of us. Boys, too.

Einar Mathias Egenes’s “Super Sexy Santa Claus” is a flamboyant, heavily made-up electronic dancing queen.

Kiki (also Continental, reference that spanking rod bit) get all anticipatory for their “Sexy Santa.” Pop bounciness, with a catty swipe at the Mrs.

Jack and Tyler get wry and rocking for “Sexy Santa Claus.” Straight-faced, but not straight.

Dysphemism and Christmas needn’t be cacophonous. Nay nay! Let’s try on some sugar-coated songs with less than parliamentary language.

I guess ‘cuz i like the rock and the roll i find Fear’s “Fuck Christmas” euphonious. Sue me. It’s short.

The Mr. T Experience stadiums up the garage anthem with “Merry Fucking Christmas,” a positive greeting of some warmth. And beer.

Austin Litz injects a modicum of calypso into easy listening with the funny “Fuck You Christmas.” Swinging, soothing, sarcastic soft jazz. And the sleigh you rode in on.

Poppy neutered harmonica on Andrew Giachetti’s “It’s Fucking Christmas Time” too fun to miss. Don’t.

“Fucking Hating Christmas” is a winsome pop musing from Gary Agg that won me over quite a bit. I just listened to it again.

Jason Bieler’s Owl Stretching have a bone to pick with the calendar (its days are numbered!). “Fuck You It’s Christmas” is a newage folk protest about the meanness of the masses. Christ! (But it’s pretty.)

Amping up like ’70s party rock, Rollercoaster X sneaks in the fulminations with “A Merry Fucking Christmas to You.” In the nicest way possible, thank you.

Cursing is a jolly boys’ game. But girls can play, too. Women bear a significant load of Christmas jeer.

Let’s not overlook boys AS girls with DWV (Detox, William, & Vicky Vox) gettin’ jiggy wit’ it (or certainly suckin’ on it) for “That Christmas Song.” Nasty as they wanna be, boys.

Kim Wilde fronts Lawnmower Deth for a British rollicking prog metal “Fuck You Christmas.” Jolly that, wot?

You wanted the real dirt?

Certainly Denis Leary should be revisited for his funny study in contrasts “Merry Fucking Christmas.” It’s like something for the kids! In the ’90s!

More angrily, Corey Taylor middle fingers all y’all with his “XM@$.” You’ve been abused with classic rock tinged with country folk, you fool. Dance!