Category: R&B

Xmas Tech Support: Amazon

This Bellevue, WA online bookseller took 20 years to outpace Walmart as the biggest merchant in the USA. So, it’s a big target for novelty.

Just caving in and asking “C’mon Amazon” to make Christmas merry, Jennifer Knapp & Margaret Becker bypass Santa and go to the new source of present seeking. Jazzy folk.

Byron Trimble gets down with some gospel soul to beseech “Amazon Santa” to make every wish true.

Oompah tuba enlivens the surrender jazz for Rachel Harvey Hill’s “Merry Amazon Christmas.” She rhymes ‘enjoyment’ with ‘toilet’ though. Thought you should know.

Overenunciated jazz (sounds like Sesame Street to me) defuses “It’s an Amazon.com Kind of Christmas.” Sounds pretty good, Dana Countryman.

‘Stupid’ video maker Lukes Brain Chunks presents persona Winston the Elf to lift up the business with “The Amazon Prime Christmas Song.” Peppy pop about unemployment, but great bargains.

Heavy metal interrupts our regularly scheduled silliness for the social commentary “Amazon Ruined Christmas.” I think Atombuzz’re mad.

Butch Ingram gets a jungle beat for “Amazon Stole Christmas (And chased Santa Away).” Sassy retro R+B fun, where the point is–to swing and sway.

And a Party in a Pear Tree: OTHER guests? BLUE ALERT

It takes two to tango, and maybe only two to make a warm Xmas party.

R Kelly wants ‘everyone around,’ but the R+B cool here is reserved for his baby. “Christmas Party” is full of orgasmic moaning.

Savanna Cole fronts Going Spaceward with a fun folk pop story of a possible meet cute at “The Christmas Party Song.” Aww, love. Call Hallmark! (But skip the post-song breakdown.)

Take a trip with me to Poke Music to hear Jessica Banks vamping up “Get This Christmas Party On.” Short, sultry, jazzy, seductive: worth it.

“Christmas Party” for Blowfly is all naughty. Disco Motown is non-stop profanity, but it comes to a satisfying end. Santa B Nastee.

And a Party in a Pear Tree: set it

Deck those halls! Bunting! Tinsel!

Ke’Andra orders the playlist and anticipates the dance needs of all her hanger-ons with R+B rap “Christmas Party.” Heeey!

“A Very Good Christmas Party” is one of those winners of awful Christmas music contests. But The Gator Family do detail the details of what’s on the walls. (And what she’s wearing too, you dog.)

Eddie Floyd is soul mellow with his R+B “Christmas Party.” He’s a slow partyer, ladies. It’s all in the forethought to set the mood.

Dependent Claus: metaphor

Mrs. Claus is such an institution she’s a symbol for the capable woman. Well, she should be that and not some taken-for-granted chained-to-the-kitchen housefrau.

The Brit indie rock band Swim Deep spawned the group Ginger and the odder than pop “Don’t Shave for Me Mrs. Claus” in which the transgender decide how to present using the original woman in the shadows.

The Travis Waltons alt garage the weirdness of “Mrs Claus” comparing her to the girlfriend, who makes him feel cold but Christmassy. And he’s sick of you. What?!

“I Wanna be Mrs. Claus” is some cry for help from daddy issues or something. Starlet Knight is dedicated to the cause, but swings it cool.

Lil Jackie’s funk fueled ‘9 to 5’ tribute claims she’s as good as “Mrs. Claus.” She can damwell sing circles around her, that’s for sure. Here here.

WHAT ELSE? Yes We Kwanzaa

People of color outside the lines broaden our culture beyond the confines of the just fine. Let’s explore where happenin’ ‘other’ holiday music may lead.

Kidsong is elevated by Ama Chandra whose “Harambee” is a soft jazz hug of a song emphasizing but one of Kwanzaa’s exceptional principles.

Gorgeous gospel from Sweet Honey in the Rock blends seven powerful female voices into one harmony: “Seven Principles.” This is the best way to learn the foreign terms so you’ll know what you’re talking about. (Shivers!)

Bop Alloy (feat. Substantial & Marcus D) jazzily Motown raps “A Celebration.” The holiday by way of hard life.

Djoser Pharoah (aka William Scott) soul soars over folk rock with “The Kwanzaa Song.” No, i can dance to it. Come over and watch me.

Teddy Pendergrass’s “Happy Kwanzaa” is full on R+B love. This time we start with the music.

EX-Mas, messed up BLUE ALERT

Up. Down. Over it. Hating it. What was I saying? The breakup? You? Xmas?

“The Worst Christmas Song Ever” features Johnny Polygon’s mantra to deal with the heartlessness you done him. Those words are a BLUE ALERT, but they don’t work anyway.

Ex-Mas, denial

Call off the holidays! I’m miserable! We’re apart! No joy! No Jesus! Can’t be!

Big Sister comes back with “Christmas in July” the metaphor of topsy turvitude for the breakup. Get it?

Erasure insists he’ll be your “Loving Man” even though you said goodbye. Easy, man, there’s more lutefisk on the holiday smorgasbord.

Light rock from Jim Croce posits “It Doesn’t Have to be That Way.” You could be here. With me. For Christmas. Tonight. He’s coming over NOW!

The O’Jays shaboop the problem with “Christmas Ain’t Christmas Without the One You Love.” Motown, mo’ mopey.

ReduXmas: Jeeze!

With all the great music out there for our holiday’s founder (CFO: Santa, natch), i attempted to collate honorariums with ironies about that baby. Great songs are harder to find. So let’s party like we don’t believe!

First off, “Jesus Christ! It’s Your Birthday Again” reminds Wendell Ferguson with comic country timing. But who’s counting?

“Jesus the Reindeer” by Emmy the Great and Tim Wheeler plays havoc with myth-understanding the reason for the trees and candy. Fun alt.

Kids say the darnedest things. The Creek Church out of nowhere Kentucky took what kids said and made a soul-filled noel to Jesus with “I’ve Seen a Turtle Barf.” You gotta. Just look.

And Ages lectures us that Jesus is the “Reason for the Season (You Dig?)” with their garage folk. Otherwise, it’d be Bhudda-mas or Mohammed-mas. Yeah. Not so, like, holy.

Steven Courtney, as JC, allows “Jesus is the Star” and asks for a candy bar. Crazy R+B pop.

Smoky country from Three Day Threshold & Summer Villains proclaims “The Ballad of Baby Jesus,” like he’s a cowboy or sumpin.

Celebrationally, Holidelic funk up the partay with “Nativitay.” Take notes, the whole, cool deal is dealt with.

Reverentially, American Mars pop folks “The Little Baby Jesus” with just the right amount of woo woo country train sounds ushering in the new born.

Best of parody: The Withers land their song about the highway to the “Manger Zone,” a tease of Kenny Loggins’s 1986 ‘Top Gun’ hit song. With guitar solo. And sass.

Oddest is Barnes and Barnes Sunday schooling “Jesus is Groovy.” Full of faux pas (‘never cross…’ ‘get behind me and help me sing this song…’ ‘he really turns me on…’).

I also enfolded the fam for the whole birthing scene. “Proud Mary” by Watkins and the Rapiers wonders what Mary’s take on the whole Advent was. Not a Tina Turner parody. Well, not actually. Kind of.