Santa’s Angry Elves reveal the real reasons circling “Santa’s Beard Conspiracy“: to cover up his hairlip. Tea spilled in this blues-rock!
Bluesy rock from Charlie William Boyd recounts tribulations up the wazoo from the big guy’s in “Long White Beard, Red Suit (Santa’s Lament).” He’s called names, he’s pulled over, and he’s soooo full of milk and cookies… Troubles!
Like my Santa-personating Snoopy T-shirt says ‘Chicks Dig the Beard.’ Jody Quine divas the pop “Got My Eye on You, Santa.” Mostly on the beard, the way she sells it.
“You’ll Shoot Your Eye Out” by Big Chris & D’bare Bones Band is a summary of that movie to some gangater honkytonk rockabilly. Makes that movie better.
Ralphie’s Red Ryders rock the pop when they persist their case: “I Won’t Shoot My Eye Out.” That’s right. I can dig it.
The (John) Candy metal the kidsong with their “You’ll Shoot Your Eye Out.” Napalm? I feel threatened.
Johnny Dee rollicks the rock with “Shoot Your Eye Out.” It’s fun, even when he calls the household jolly assholes. So, be careful.
Millington swings the ska pop with “Christmas Song (I Don’t Want To Hear Another).” They do pick up on all the specials and movies, however, including having Lost an eye to a BB gun. Awww.
I shoulda seen “Jingle Bell Glock” coming. This BLUE ALERT parody comes in at a 7 for wit, but a 4 for talent. Sorry, Eddie Ishaya & Wasted Youth.
BLUE ALERT. The short-is rap “Asked Santa Claus For A Glizzy” by Sunshine Christo gets filtered and urban, but is so sing-along that you’ll want the whole family to join in.
Santa will you bring me a gun, I think I need to kill someone, sort-of raps April Blue in the just weird enough “Too Much.” Warned ya.
Kinsey Sticks point out how Lebanese and Syrians get a gun, so they want to also “Get a Gun.” A cappella pop with a hint of hymnal. And you can use it later for Halowe’en!
A bit ironic and agenda-driven The Private Gentlemen’s Yacht Club has the children recite “All I Want For Christmas Is a Shotgun.” The reason: It’s America! BLUE ALERT as well as gasp alert. Lively pop.
Kids today! Utter Nonsense electronically raps: I put a gun in the turkey ‘Cause my momma said No phones at the table; Well now she’s dead. “Tik Tok Boy” marches to a different drummer only he can hear.
More fun with Te Vale Quien Soy serenading us slow and folksy with “I Shoot My Gun on Christmas.” Attention seeker!
If ever emo-boy pop was deserved it was for “Abandonment Clause” by Cloudwatch. I promise I’ll stay, Won’t tell no one–It’s Christmas day: I wanted a gun. Spoiler: it’a about abuse in the home. BLUE ALERT tearjerking.
“A Candy Gun for Christmas” by Niels Cremer takes a step back from the violence and rage and considers the psychology of toys and gifts with new aged indie-ism. BTW do you eat a candy gun barrel first??
…Running around naked firing nerf guns in the air is the least of the problems in the lite-metal “Another Family Christmas” from 77 Apes. Duck!
Two-Ton Santa warbles rock on the attic recording “Toy Gun.” There may be a lesson in here….
Even more atonal, “Bobby Got a BB Gun for Christmas” from Todds Holiday Greeting Disk spools out the escalating tale of a budding sociopath. Shouted folk pop.
Machine gun? The thugs in The Kinks’ “Father Christmas” ask for one (if you have one). Nearly polite for muggers. Classic rock/proto punk.
Caetano Veloso has a problem “In The Hot Sun Of A Christmas Day.” Through slow-mo classical pop we learn he’s being chased, but by someone who machine gunned someone else. I think. Wild flute backing it all up.
Against All Flags waves their garage banner “Machine Gun Christmas” like it’s the answer to all their problems. Then they switch to wanting a guitar. Whew.
Covered all the bases for a terrible, horrible, not very good Christmas, have we? Let’s see.
End of the world was last month, but something always falls through the cracks. Like “A Merry Nuclear Christmas” from X-Ray Mary. Old time rock and roll, babies.
Even more apocalyptic is “The Star That Fell to Earth” from Edison Lighthouse (those ‘My Love Grows (Where Rosemary Goes)’ guys). Prog rock about the meteor that heralded Christ. Look out! Save the dinosaurs!
The other end of the spectrum includes “The Worst Part of Christmas is You” wherein Oak Winter Red warbles out an alt-folk diatribe about how a cup of cocoa ruins EVERYTHING!
More relevant, Jeremih & Chance the Rapper rap-belt out “Tragedy” about a homeless man, and Winter, and fried sugary bells, and ghosts. I guess. It’s a bad scene.
“The. Worst. Christmas. Ever.” according to Lux Lisbon is still better than every other day. Thus endeth the lesson. Pop rock music preaches again.
‘Chicago Fire’ fan lyrics with “In Harm’s Way,” a country folk elegy from Kid Mayhem. It’s about those heroes who spend Christmas with you and your charred remains.
Parody’s back! Dave Rudolf tackles Johnny Cash in his “Flue of Fire.” Santa don’t like it when you leave a light on for him!
Piedmont Songbag seems to revel in the arson. “A Christmas to Remember” is a soft folk dialogue between nostalgic rememberers and that year the tree burned down (pretty colors!). But then “Burning the Christmas Tree” is an insistent polka of ritualistic bacchanalia.
Except for Tim Allen, no one ever said Santa was immortal.
“Worst Christmas Song Ever” is crappy lounge singing about the tender tots asleep on Christmas. Glenn Simonelli jazzes up the prank about telling the kids about Claus’s demise.
In “Christmas Sucks (Sheepie’s Christmas)” AlbinoBlackSheep (feat. Andrew Kepple) sings music hall jazz about how we all hate S.C.! After shooting him down, however, Sheepie has regrets.
Pete the Elf tipped me wise to the goth/blues of finding dead Santa whilst doing chimney work in the beautifully dark “A Daddy Christmas Eve” by Who’s the Daddy Now? Silver lining: another believer!
Make Like Monkeys return to feed the greed in “Mine!!! Rub Out Santa Claus.” Arsenic pies make an appearance in this ragtime-ish polka pop.
