Category: pop music

“Must be Santa” checklists the features of Kringle (white beard is the primary), and it’s a children’s singalong staple. But when Bob Dylan powers up the polka machine and rocks the house, eyebrows must be raised. If you view the video, explain to me why Mr. Zimmerman has Barbra Streisand hair.

Recover with the micro-pop of Johnathan Mann’s “Creepy Santa Outside the Hair Salon.” Dude has written a song a day for years, so this is like thinking out loud for him.

In “The Ugly Sweater Song,” Henry Holyfield x DoeTheUnknown has a list longer than Santa’s beard. But gets R+B rap distracted by the titular jumper.

Miles Maxwell (feat. Gary Zimmer) tells THE REAL STORY of S.C. in “Santa Claus is Real.” He begins before his Santa beard could grow… but covers centuries quickly with pop song. And gets a bit extrapolative.

“Don’t Go Pullin’ on Santa Claus’s Beard” is the schtick-y country from The Oak Ridge Boys. Is this advice for good manners, or merely a way to keep off the naughty list?

More suspicion from Ryan Marchand in the form of the ukulele comic folk “Santa, Is Your Beard Real?” I mean, you smell like beef and cheese….

The Drop Shadows not only believes, but in pop “Solidarity With Santa Claus” they also grow beards (for December).

Santa’s Angry Elves reveal the real reasons circling “Santa’s Beard Conspiracy“: to cover up his hairlip. Tea spilled in this blues-rock!

Bluesy rock from Charlie William Boyd recounts tribulations up the wazoo from the big guy’s in “Long White Beard, Red Suit (Santa’s Lament).” He’s called names, he’s pulled over, and he’s soooo full of milk and cookies… Troubles!

Like my Santa-personating Snoopy T-shirt says ‘Chicks Dig the Beard.’ Jody Quine divas the pop “Got My Eye on You, Santa.” Mostly on the beard, the way she sells it.

Keep an eye out… for bullets! (again)

“You’ll Shoot Your Eye Out” by Big Chris & D’bare Bones Band is a summary of that movie to some gangater honkytonk rockabilly. Makes that movie better.

Ralphie’s Red Ryders rock the pop when they persist their case: “I Won’t Shoot My Eye Out.” That’s right. I can dig it.

The (John) Candy metal the kidsong with their “You’ll Shoot Your Eye Out.” Napalm? I feel threatened.

Johnny Dee rollicks the rock with “Shoot Your Eye Out.” It’s fun, even when he calls the household jolly assholes. So, be careful.

Millington swings the ska pop with “Christmas Song (I Don’t Want To Hear Another).” They do pick up on all the specials and movies, however, including having Lost an eye to a BB gun. Awww.

I shoulda seen “Jingle Bell Glock” coming. This BLUE ALERT parody comes in at a 7 for wit, but a 4 for talent. Sorry, Eddie Ishaya & Wasted Youth.

BLUE ALERT. The short-is rap “Asked Santa Claus For A Glizzy” by Sunshine Christo gets filtered and urban, but is so sing-along that you’ll want the whole family to join in.

Santa will you bring me a gun, I think I need to kill someone, sort-of raps April Blue in the just weird enough “Too Much.” Warned ya.

Kinsey Sticks point out how Lebanese and Syrians get a gun, so they want to also “Get a Gun.” A cappella pop with a hint of hymnal. And you can use it later for Halowe’en!

A bit ironic and agenda-driven The Private Gentlemen’s Yacht Club has the children recite “All I Want For Christmas Is a Shotgun.” The reason: It’s America! BLUE ALERT as well as gasp alert. Lively pop.

Santa with a gun? Who’s shooting whom?

4 Aspirin Morning ska rap “Santa in a Ski Mask (Stick ’em Up It’s Christmas)” with all the womp womp of a club band. I had the time of my life.

Some dandy beach pop from Ryan Seabass defuses the whole “Santa’s Got a Gun” scenario. What, me worry?

Happy rap from Eiqu claims “Santa Claus was a Gangster.” Preferred a nine if memory recalls. Left bodies as much as gifts. Reformed later.

Shouted rap from The Benefit reveals what it’s like to be “Gunned Down by Santa Claus (I Didn’t See It Coming).” Honestly, it’s over before you know it.

fkbambam & Wxrmz get mighty BLUE ALERT rapping about “MRS CLAUS,” a demanding bitch, as well as Santa with his Tommy gun. Time to order online.

“Santa’s Got a Gun” is the big reveal in Watkins & the Rapiers bebop pop rock number. You’ll want your dance shoes on for this one.

“A Candy Gun for Christmas” by Niels Cremer takes a step back from the violence and rage and considers the psychology of toys and gifts with new aged indie-ism. BTW do you eat a candy gun barrel first??

…Running around naked firing nerf guns in the air is the least of the problems in the lite-metal “Another Family Christmas” from 77 Apes. Duck!

Two-Ton Santa warbles rock on the attic recording “Toy Gun.” There may be a lesson in here….

Even more atonal, “Bobby Got a BB Gun for Christmas” from Todds Holiday Greeting Disk spools out the escalating tale of a budding sociopath. Shouted folk pop.

Machine gun? The thugs in The Kinks’ “Father Christmas” ask for one (if you have one). Nearly polite for muggers. Classic rock/proto punk.

Caetano Veloso has a problem “In The Hot Sun Of A Christmas Day.” Through slow-mo classical pop we learn he’s being chased, but by someone who machine gunned someone else. I think. Wild flute backing it all up.

Against All Flags waves their garage banner “Machine Gun Christmas” like it’s the answer to all their problems. Then they switch to wanting a guitar. Whew.

“All I Want for Christmas (Is a Machine Gun)” by Henrique Couto is a mojo-nixon soundalike daring you to be offended with its pop sound. Cool.

Covered all the bases for a terrible, horrible, not very good Christmas, have we? Let’s see.

End of the world was last month, but something always falls through the cracks. Like “A Merry Nuclear Christmas” from X-Ray Mary. Old time rock and roll, babies.

also missed on the blog was “Worst Christmas Ever (Christmas of the Dead)” from Hardeman. Zombies are back with a vengeance.

Even more apocalyptic is “The Star That Fell to Earth” from Edison Lighthouse (those ‘My Love Grows (Where Rosemary Goes)’ guys). Prog rock about the meteor that heralded Christ. Look out! Save the dinosaurs!

The other end of the spectrum includes “The Worst Part of Christmas is You” wherein Oak Winter Red warbles out an alt-folk diatribe about how a cup of cocoa ruins EVERYTHING!

More relevant, Jeremih & Chance the Rapper rap-belt out “Tragedy” about a homeless man, and Winter, and fried sugary bells, and ghosts. I guess. It’s a bad scene.

“The. Worst. Christmas. Ever.” according to Lux Lisbon is still better than every other day. Thus endeth the lesson. Pop rock music preaches again.