Category: pop music

If Santa’s so cool, should i worry about my girl?

Straight up and tragic yeah.

Santa likes a little nookie with his cookie, and he gets around.

You have probably known this since Clarence Carter’s motown “Back Door Santa” from 1968. That delivery man has got libido out the back door.

In the same vein, “Santa Claus Wants Some Lovin'” has been covered by Lynyrd Skynyrd, Albert King, Tinsley Ellis, Larry McCray, Dan Lawson and The Christmas Jug Band. But let’s give it to Bill Murray (and George Clooney) with a laid wa-a-a-ay back rendition.

Bob Rivers’ take on this is the classic Springsteen turn on ‘Coming to Town’ with his parody “Santa Claus is Fooling Around.” Classic comedy (and i do mean OLD).

More outraged (and rightly so) come The Mistreats and the punk screaming fit “Santa Stole My Baby.” Vent along if it’s happened to you, too.

Gotta hear the blues, though. Bobby Parker gets angsty with “Sandy Claw Stole My Woman.” It’s painful, that’s what it is (not the guitar).

Here Comes the Mummies do a word-jazz heavy number on that Fat Tub of Goo with “Secret Santa.” That’s is one merry mo-fo you should not let down your chimney when she‘s home. Great fun video, but this may not be about Santa after all.

Best party music for your girl getting’ birddogged by Babouschka is “Santa’s Beard” by They Might Be Giants (not a remake of The Beach Boys), a real crowd pleasing stomp in honor of jealousy and heart-broken-ness.

Okay, chicks dig the sleigh, but in his off duty hours, doesn’t it jive that Father Christmas is riding that hog low and slow through town, giving every little girl and boy visions of chopper burns. Get out of his way if you know what’s good for you!

The Rocking Scoundrels give us a “Sidecar Santa” with a hard-driving electric rhythm and a dash of rockabilly. Sons of Advent ride!

“A Harley Davidson Christmas Song” by Richard Steel Hemingway adds hard country rock to some odd mumbling about that weird old beard-o with the motorcycle. It’s lulling me to sleep….

More fun is a ditty posted by Texas Outdoor and Motorcycle Roads club. It’s uncredited and of poor sound quality, but “Biker Santa” is a moral tale of misjudging a man by his leathers–country western style. A flashback to the ’70s.

Tony Vosik & The Kids nail the awkward-rhythm of novelty music (off-key electric piano, lackluster back ups) better with “Santa on a Motorcycle.” You may be singing (in order to drown them out) and swaying (from nausea), but you’ll be glad when it’s over.

What’s it mean to be a pimp? Frontin’ for the ho ho hos? Running the whole dang show like a master mack daddy? Pimpin’ is bein’ in charge. Leave it to Sleigh Boss.

Louna Maroun & RefugeFromReno claim only that he’s a ladies man when they outline his proclivities in “Santa Claus: P.I.M.P.” but they sing it so party-time i gots to give it to ’em.

The Broadlawn Posse motown up their hip hop for a melodic melt down on “Pimp Daddy Santa.” Good and bad girls are covered.

But, in our reggae styling Determine determines that “Santa Pimp” is merely a hard man not to be messed with. Or he’s not real.

Our friends from Saturday Night Live have also determined that the godfather of naughty is ol’ “Sump’n Claus.” With awesome power (and cash) he rewards the naughty, by means of his own code of rap rules.

Clever clever Mistletones pay homage to blaxploitation with “Chimney Shaft.” Shut yo mouf.

Michael Tolcher has the skinny though. In his ballad “Santa is a Pimp” we learn how the magic of Christmas Day rolls easily off his mighty mighty gloved fingers. That’s the power of pimpin’. Listen for the last line of proof and you too will believe.

Orange is not much associated with winter, it being all autumnally marked. But it should be the color of the roaring yule log in the heart-warming hearth.

And it is the color of those things you (used to) get in the Christmas stockings (treats because they were rare for this time of year). Old El Vez will walk you through the idea with his low class family recounting “Orange for Christmas.” It only seems depressing, until you hear the catch in his vocals.

Let’s return to those thrilling days of post-9/11! Chuck Varesco has a dated bit o’ funny about the alerts and state of fear malingering in the air even at our special time of year: “Code Orange Christmas.” Sing-a-long with the bouncing Dick Cheney head.

Dogs have owners, cats have staff.

So let’s make some fun of those rascally rat-catchers! While Garfield, Heathcliff, Sylvester, and Hobbes have no notable carols about themselves…Grumpy Cat (and friends) sing about the travails of being good for Santa in “It’s Hard to be a Cat at Christmas.” Since this is Friskies sponsored, mostly they are forbearing and petable. Yeah, right.

I can’t abide animal sounds morphed into words/carols to humorous effect (though i do own the albums). So let’s just say Talking Kitty Cat is passable while singing “I Don’t Give a Damn about Christmas.” The lengthy skit set up is somewhat helpful. I liked the song more.

Another previously famous cat, Stimpy, is terribly disgusting with his holiday rendition of “Cat Hairballs” to the tune of ‘Jingle Bells.’ Parts can be the worst.

More aggressively “The Kitty Ate the Tinsel On the Christmas Tree“–a confessional sung by the Marty Gold Children’s Chorus like they’re facing down a school auditorium full of beaming, filming parents. Seems like a self correcting problem, eventually.

Apocalyptically, “The Yule Cat” eats naughty children for Christmas. You may learn the legend and the dread courtesy of The Hull Soul Collective. Or you can garage rock to Mozart Rottweiler with Sinister Undertones also revelling in this Icelandic traditional saga.

Back home, Shorty ond Kodi get precious and mean (appropriately cat-like) with their “I’m Climbing up the Christmas Tree Neow” complete with dopily adorable videos and sfx.

Ever Since “A Visit from St. Nicholas,” what’s it been now–like 95 years? mice figure prominently into the season’s greetings. But C. Clement Moore suggested they shut their holes.

Instead they sing/are sung to.

Seriously, celebrities get behind these.

Check out Debbie Reynolds and Donald O’Connor with “Chrissy the Christmas Mouse.” This is what good boys and girls listened to.

Apparently the little guy (disease carrying rodent) helping the big guy (St. Nick) is what it’s all about. “Santa Mouse” may be familiar to more of you–he got a gift for Santa! Burl Ives does his regally laconic version and it’s a real lesson. Bob Morrison updates this with rollickin’ pop flute. Now i can do the frug! But, it you want to really swing, let’s drop in of Jerry Vale (he of ‘Ciao, Ciao, Bambina’, ‘Arrivederci, Roma’, and ‘Volare’ fame) and really mellow down to the beat “Santa Mouse.”

So what have we learned from a decade of Christmas songs?

England’s Elvis, Billy Fury, first charts in 1959 with pretty pieces like “My Christmas Prayer.” In the ’60s he will rival The Beatles for top ten hits in the UK. But this style of rock is getting old here.

Johnny Houston, with “Gimme a Kiss for Christmas,” rocks it Fats Domino style, but colors between the lines without going for it. We need to trade up.

Nearly a dozen different doo wop groups with names like Marquis stepped off street corners in Detroit, Chicago, Philly, and Nyark to lay down tinselly tracks. It would take a meticulous musicologist to trace each’s hit list. For now, let us bask in the Marquees’ “Santa Done Got Hip.” It will make you more hip. Then, sit down comfortably, because “Christmas in the Congo” by Marquees just got weird.

Girls gotta rock, too. Marquerita Trina syncopates “The Rocking Tree” to a wailing sax and a playful axe.

More Detroit doo wop, natch! The 4 Imperials recorded only for a couple years. In fact “Santa Got a Coupe DeVille” may be their last platter. But with it we’re riding roadster rock into the ’60s.

Boyhood chum of Rickie Nelson, Zane Ashton (orig. Bill Aken) was one of those guys in The Wrecking Crew, the musicians all cool rock gods in the ’60s had lay down tracks for them in the studio recordings.  Not much of a soloist, here is an early rockabilly number from him “The Christmas Spirit.” What an acid trip of echo effects and tinkly percussion.

Edd Byrnes is known as ‘Kookie’ from the ABS detective series 77 Sunset Strip. Here’s a wild ride from him: “Yulesville/Lonely Christmas.” I don’t know what to tell you, except that’s 1959, baby.

Canadian rockers The Martels bring it home with “Rockin’ Santa Claus.” Dance, Dancer, dance!

post scriptum:

I’ve had some fun judging sounds of the ‘Fifties, but i don’t know the history of rock ‘n’ roll at all. I have skimmed some websites, researched some groups, and drawn my own conclusions for whatever humorous or profound effect i could conjure. Plenty better historians out there can set you straight as to the geneology of cool (like that blackboard in ‘School of Rock’). I’m just sharing what i’ve heard and what i’ve found and i hope that twists no ones nose. Peace.

Music matures before our eyes here. Music for under-thirties all begins to sound like rock.

Switching up honky tonk country with a twist of the blues, Chuck Berry has been blasting out the hits since ‘Maybellene’ in 1955. This year with “Merry Christmas Baby” Berry plays it cool. Cool as a rock.

Switching up doo wop with a percussive beat, The Montereys wail in an unreleased single from near this time (?) “Santa Claus Gained More Weight.” Are you not rocked?

Switching DOWN the gospel with tubular bells and a touch of sass, Georgia Harris and The Lyrics propose “Let’s Exchange Hearts for Xmas.” Rockety rock, McRockerson.

The only trend in rock we have to watch out for is the white sport coat crowd, the follow-authority fellas and ladies who think The Four Aces are just swell. These types rock out to the tunes ‘Love is a Many Splendored thing’ and ‘Three Coins in the Fountain.’ I guess the boys can’t help how white they are. Bear in mind they started the ‘Fifties with an odd number (‘There’s a Christmas Tree in Heaven’), and now continue the blah band sound (‘bland’) of “The Christmas Tree.” Fairy land, kids!

 

Elvis releases his first single (‘That’s All right’) this year. Let’s see what the new generation is listening to for the holidays…

Betty Johnson cashes in on the pop parade with “I Want Eddie Fisher for Christmas.” Oddly this tepid waltz does not seem to be the class of music Eddie Fisher would want to be a part of. Linda Strangis leads Spike Jones and His City Slickers with another (jazzier) rendition.

The height of doo wop for the holidays becomes “White Christmas” by The Drifters. This today has become a standard and sadly has become mired in controversy over who created the wonderful blackening of Der Bingle. Let’s just say Cool.

Swinging and hep, the Davis Sisters deliver “The Christmas Boogie.” Adapting boys’ doo wop with their own amazing gospel, these sisters testify to the rock. Wild!

Ramping up that doo wop, Oscar McLollie and the Honey Jumpers wail out “Dig that Crazy Santa Claus.”

Getting down and dirty, Jimmy Butler marries honky tonk and blues in a preview of Jerry Lee Lewis with “Trim Your Tree.” Cover the children’s ears.

The Crew Cuts were Canadian Catholic choir boys barely out of school when discovered and put on the radio. This year they get away with insipid harmonies like “Twinkletoes” (next year is ‘Sh-Boom’). But you can tell they have promise with “Dance, Mr Snowman, Dance.” Cue the screaming girls.