Year-round Yuletide oddities
Just a moment for positivity. Fuckin’ A.
Sex Bishops go modulated electronic pop (’70s Steven Hawking) for “It’s Christmas (Let’s Have a Jolly Good Time).” Unabashed programmed jollity.
Crudbump likes life. So “Fuck You If You Don’t Like Christmas” and so many of the other good things. More intolerantly tolerant pop. Holy God, reindeer dogs.
The F-word may have descended from the Dutch for ‘fidget,’ or a Scottish take on a Viking obscenity. It certainly did NOT derive from an acronym (Forced Unlawful Carnal Knowledge), but they’re so fun we will adapt that practice for our posting titles.
The power of the expression is its complete and utter taboo. It may have existed before the Middle Ages (when, according to my University of Oxford reference, swive was the nasty word for copulation) and was just too abhorrent to commit to print. But this is a new age, and fuck may be used as every part of speech in any context. It is a showstopper, an emphatic, a mood enhancer, a protest, hatespeech, and a rite of pasage. You name it… and Xmas songsters do.
All month we will whittle down the offerings of novelty Christmas music to feature a sensational recording or two (maybe reprising a past post if it bears a second hearing) for each day. So let’s stop talkin’ ’bout it and just do it.
Our first time we’ll take it slow. The bad words don’t really start until this song is largely over. But, please follow this TMI journey of depression and heartbreak as Matthew McPeck bemoans the loss of the one truly fun holiday in order to have a miserable celebration in “Fuck Christmas (I Wish It was Halloween),” an ’80s pop anthem so charming i’ll overlook the grammar.
Everyone else is a jolly couple with some other freakin’ significant other at Christmas. So hate the world outta loneliness! See if that helps!
Matt and The Nobodies gently rock the notion with “Christmas Blows.” He is so alone and soulful.
Okanomodé dives deep into desolate despair with the hiphop pop of “Anti-Christmas Song.” Great backbeat. Horrible worldview.
You promised forever, but Meaghan Smith knows “Christmas is the Worst” without you. Soft light pop (lotsa melody, some hand clapping, little actual music).
More superpop from Photronique with “Getting Down on Christmas.” Mistletoe’s a trigger for the solitude! But this party bubbly froth surely foretells a hollow holiday hookup.
Classy UK pathos from The Fratellis in the form of “Lonesome Anti-Christmas Blues.” Not blues, of course, but pop. SO whiney you might never fall in love again.
Okay, okay, sometimes the kvetching about Christmas is self indulgent whining. But isn’t the enjoyment of Christmas the same thing?
Les Issambres kidsongs up the punk with “Christmas Sucks Anyway, Everything’s Shit.” There may be a moral here, but who cares–da da deedee dah–dahdah.
Joss Stone hits way too many high notes with her “Anti-Christmas Carol.” It’s smooth jazz and swirls like a blizzard, but it’s message of hatred is a silly gimmick. Kidding!
John Hinton (aka Johnny Acecraft) of Spalien Acecraft gets Brit-pissy with his “Anti-Christmas Song.” It pops like a cracker. He cracks like a pauper.
Take a break from the antagonism! Let’s get amusing and witty with the ideas for this one post at least.
Impertinent parody of ‘Wonderland,’ “The Anti-Christmas Song” allows Greg Orosz to mock the ridiculousnss of that time of year. Clever.
5inco Minutas (‘from Brazil but singing in English sounds so much better’) call out the crap from their viewpoint in “I Hate Christmas.” Techno pop that’s fun to follow along.
I like what Dan O’Farrell does with his The Purge version of “Anti-Christmas Day.” This pretty slow pop piece is mad that Christmas makes us bastards 364, since we’re only called to task the one day. So why not vice the versa? Ha!
The holidays are the best, right? Well, not for everyone. Not every year. For any variety of rationalizations, sentiments run red to black concerning the merry and the jolly and the joy.
Some songs, then, for the angered, the frustrated, the hater.
A couple years into Youtube Premium’s pay channel original content the holiday movie ‘The Keys of Christmas’ revamped ‘Carol’ with big musical stars and a few musical numbers. “Christmas is a Bitch” is Rudy Mancuso’s Scrooge-type character complaining on a grand piano outside at night. Showtune.
REM backbeats some maundering mumblings for their “Christmas Griping.” How do you like them crabbles?
We can always count on Arrogant Worms to deliver absurd mixed messages musically. “Christmas Sucks!” is klezmer character assassination done right (although Grayson174 is a little heavy handed with the hilarious memes).
Can it get worse than an HIV positive for Xmas? (Find out tomorrow.)
Tiny Tim without his falsetto claims “Santa Claus has Got the AIDS.” Kiddie song style.
The Rise Guys throw down yet one more parody with “Walking Around with HIV.” (‘Rocking’ mock, not ‘Wonderland.’) Brief, not bad.
Lahna Turner got “AIDS for Christmas” from Santa. Original country–also a shorty.
James Cole wishes this tragedy on a bad girlfriend in “A Very AIDS-y Christmas.” (Holy Moley–This goes in the breakup file for holiday themes). Sweet pop.
Release the bowels! Christmas sick is something extra special, more than spewing out ONE end. Both ends must be evacuated to descend to the depths of disease.
The illustrious Matt Farley as The Toilet Bowl Cleaners drops “I’ll be Home Pooping for Christmas.” It’s not regular. It’s electronic pop.
Well, gosh. Not a fan of ‘comedy bits,’ but this Brit PSA about spoiled leftovers has got to be viewed once or twice more by me and mine.
Mr. Cork runs with the inappropriate victuals into “Diarrhea on Christmas.” Hip hop rock. Catchy, innit?
«Whether it’s cold and flu season, airport outbreak, allergies to pine spores, or ‘leisure sickness’ (whereby the letdown of relaxing after the flurry of preparation crashes your immune system)… Christmas is a time of ill feelings.
Course by this time of year, we tend to get sick of it anywho. Many songs will attest as much, plus which indigestion, slip-and-falls, STDs, family shootings, and inappropriately timed diagnoses.
Bundle up, buckle up, pour some Bubble-Up and listen up.
Andina and Rich piss and moan about the mess of Christmess in “Buddy, I’m Just Sick to Death of Christmas.” Don’t take it to heart–folk kidding
Lee Harris delivers this baby from his coo-coo-cool ’06 album in “I’m So Sick of Christmas.” Are you picking up what he’s putting down?
What if Big Red has no hat?
Kahuna Kidsong posits the delay of the day with “Santa’s Hat,” childish rock. Santa not only lost it, he loses it.
“Ass in a Santa Claus Hat” reveals that a Santa hat may be missing from yo’ ass. Howie Loots fast raps the cure. You’re covered. BLUE ALERT
If you look around, you may see something untopped. TV’s Kyle suggests you “Put a Santa Hat on It” (yeah, like that Portlandia joke). This pop foolery will surely solve your problems. If not, you’re joiks. (Double duty: the second half of the video is a bonus “I’m a Snowman” song, with amusing credits.)