Category: pop music

Igniting the Yule Log

Let’s keep you in the mood with even more exciting Xmas tunes that’ll lift your pants.

Allstarbandit elctro-Djs “Dirty Horney (Under the Misteltoe)” as a dance experiment in lusting up the joint. I give it a 7, Johnny: i don’t unnerstanem, but i can bump2it.

“Horny at the Holidays” by dadaists Barnes & Barnes might cool your jets. Ironic eroticism is curious, but offputting.

Santastic is a labor of love by DJs, mashup artists, and the like, sampling all the hits to recreate new experiences for you and yours at the holidays. Mousee T and The Dandy Warhols are spliced up for “Horny Christmas” as doctored up by Loo & Placido off the Santastic 6 album. It’s easier to just lissen up.

Shaking Presents (BLUE ALERT)

What’s a guy going to do with a penis around Christmas? Well, if he can’t give it away, he might just gift himself.

On the one hand, Ross Everett claims “No One Jerks off on Christmas.” A lively folk carol.

On the other hand, Ivor Biggun asks Santa to “Give Us a Wank for Christmas.” It’s give and get for this Brit jazzy pop bit.

MacLean and MacLean choral chant “Merry Christmas Handjob” about as matter of fact as you can get. Give those boys a handtowel.

Buttering the Cookie Sheets (BLUE ALERT)

Now, for the ladies…

How do women express sexual interest for Xmas?

Ari Mason sashays in front of the Grand Canyon (really, girl?) asking for “Christmas Sex.” Not sure about the Sisyphus allusion, but she alt rock insists she’s a ‘freak in the sheets.’

The Stilette-Hos pop rock out that collectively “I Want Sex for Christmas.” They ain’t subtle, but they are bouncy.

Fraudulent Unacknowledged Crooked Koran (BLUE ALERT)

While whooping it up, being true to our school, we might at times take other names in vain.

Certainly South Park is known for this xenophobic excoriation with Mr. Garrison’s “Merry Fucking Christmas,” a show stopping number you can holler to be racist, or be ironic about racists. Seen this already.

Justin Cooper playfully paeans the American way with “A Fuck You Christmas Song.” Tooting and tootling, we face alcoholism, patriotism, and apathetic despair. Love Xmas or eat shit and die.

Fermented Upbeat Caroling Kudos (BLUE ALERT)

Left-handed celebrations allow for the comfort and joy, while acknowledging the misery and discomfort of the holiday seasons.

Lovebyte says “Merry Fucking Christmas to Me.” Experimental pop at half speed. I can feel the love. Ow.

Name dropping the yuletide usuals, ReWine rocks the pop out of “Merry Fucking Christmas.” I got pop Bingo!

The DAWS slam yin and yang together into the mosh pit of UK pop (half punk, half skiffle) for “Christmas Fucking Day.” It’s a drunken surrender into family. Gotta do it.

Financial Unrest Concerning Kickbacks (BLUE ALERT)

Anger at overspending (and having to return crappy presents) excites 85% Jesus to rockin’ song with “Merry Fucking Christmas (To Some of You).” Wow.

But finally, a song that celebrates the 1% (with tongue in ass-cheek) for the holidays. Meanspiritedness trickles down, motherspender! Brad Sucks and John Benjamin present “Fuck You, Motherfucker (It’s Christmas)” as a quarterly economic lesson for the rest of us. Coffeehouse pop folk. Have fun with this one.

Foreign Utopias Credit Krishna (BLUE ALERT)

Far away places with strange sounding names celebrate Christ’s birth. Also piss all over it. But with panache.

Swansea Jack is a Welsh sod with a wicked sense of song as “Oh Mush Christmas” exhibits. You may need a translator.

The French love their revolutionary anti-socialism, but this band and this song is a metal mystery to me. Does “Fuck Christmas” use the F-word? Quel damage, mes amis?

Can Whatever21 be Franc with me? Their “Merry Fucking Christmas” is basic (if not classic) rock.

Slovenian Aljaž Vuk banjos up the fun with his “Christmas Song” which features Santanapping and profanity, thickly accented for your pleasure.

“Merry Fucking Christmas” is energized punk by DØMT. That’s foreign i figger. This is flipside to ‘Rudolph is a Drunk.’ but it has it’s own reprise.

Rockabilly makes all merry and bright. So Alabama Black Snakes (Danish dudes!) take the whole concept less seriously with “Merry Fucking Christmas.” Whoa whoa, there’s intermissions for dramatic content!

Those classy Scandinavians can do (US) country music better, rock’n’roll better, earworms better… what about iconclasm? Try Zanko’s industrial electro pop “Merry Fucking Christmas.” Fa, la la, la la, la, la, what a party.

Festive Underage Children Karaoke (BLUE ALERT)

They grow up so fast, those Santa-believers! They’re drinking and smoking and SWEARING and still moon-eyed for the gifts.

Rap can appeal to the infant in the urban lost kid, so Gentleman’s Delight & IFHT (feat. Peter Chao) cry out with a child’s realization that the list isn’t the gift with “Fuck Christmas,” a melodic journey lashing out at handy targets (your mom!) and ending with a fan letter to you, girl.

Talay sings (i guess–pick a key!) “It’s Fucking Christmas” as if she were announcing ‘It’s really Christmas.’ Pop millennial anthem about love, life, and disappointment.