Category: pop music

HATE Xmas.01

The holidays are the best, right? Well, not for everyone. Not every year. For any variety of rationalizations, sentiments run red to black concerning the merry and the jolly and the joy.

Some songs, then, for the angered, the frustrated, the hater.

A couple years into Youtube Premium’s pay channel original content the holiday movie ‘The Keys of Christmas’ revamped ‘Carol’ with big musical stars and a few musical numbers. “Christmas is a Bitch” is Rudy Mancuso’s Scrooge-type character complaining on a grand piano outside at night. Showtune.

REM backbeats some maundering mumblings for their “Christmas Griping.” How do you like them crabbles?

We can always count on Arrogant Worms to deliver absurd mixed messages musically. “Christmas Sucks!” is klezmer character assassination done right (although Grayson174 is a little heavy handed with the hilarious memes).

Sick of Christmas: AIDS

Can it get worse than an HIV positive for Xmas? (Find out tomorrow.)

Tiny Tim without his falsetto claims “Santa Claus has Got the AIDS.” Kiddie song style.

The Rise Guys throw down yet one more parody with “Walking Around with HIV.” (‘Rocking’ mock, not ‘Wonderland.’) Brief, not bad.

Lahna Turner got “AIDS for Christmas” from Santa. Original country–also a shorty.

James Cole wishes this tragedy on a bad girlfriend in “A Very AIDS-y Christmas.” (Holy Moley–This goes in the breakup file for holiday themes). Sweet pop.

Sick of Christmas: flux

Release the bowels! Christmas sick is something extra special, more than spewing out ONE end. Both ends must be evacuated to descend to the depths of disease.

The illustrious Matt Farley as The Toilet Bowl Cleaners drops “I’ll be Home Pooping for Christmas.” It’s not regular. It’s electronic pop.

Well, gosh. Not a fan of ‘comedy bits,’ but this Brit PSA about spoiled leftovers has got to be viewed once or twice more by me and mine.

Mr. Cork runs with the inappropriate victuals into “Diarrhea on Christmas.” Hip hop rock. Catchy, innit?

Sick of Christmas: malaise

«Whether it’s cold and flu season, airport outbreak, allergies to pine spores, or ‘leisure sickness’ (whereby the letdown of relaxing after the flurry of preparation crashes your immune system)… Christmas is a time of ill feelings.

Course by this time of year, we tend to get sick of it anywho. Many songs will attest as much, plus which indigestion, slip-and-falls, STDs, family shootings, and inappropriately timed diagnoses.

Bundle up, buckle up, pour some Bubble-Up and listen up.

Andina and Rich piss and moan about the mess of Christmess in “Buddy, I’m Just Sick to Death of Christmas.” Don’t take it to heart–folk kidding

Lee Harris delivers this baby from his coo-coo-cool ’06 album in “I’m So Sick of Christmas.” Are you picking up what he’s putting down?

Don We Now: Santa not hat

What if Big Red has no hat?

Kahuna Kidsong posits the delay of the day with “Santa’s Hat,” childish rock. Santa not only lost it, he loses it.

“Ass in a Santa Claus Hat” reveals that a Santa hat may be missing from yo’ ass. Howie Loots fast raps the cure. You’re covered. BLUE ALERT

If you look around, you may see something untopped. TV’s Kyle suggests you “Put a Santa Hat on It” (yeah, like that Portlandia joke). This pop foolery will surely solve your problems. If not, you’re joiks. (Double duty: the second half of the video is a bonus “I’m a Snowman” song, with amusing credits.)

Don We Now: Santa hat

The most iconic clothing of the season belongs to Santa Claus superstar. More people recognize this gear than Ronald McDonald’s. So, let’s take it from the top.

Aussies play with “Santa’s Bobble Hat” the irreplaceable nonsense sound to help Mr. Gifts get into the Christmas mood. Folksy kidsong.

Are we suggesting there’s more than one kind o’ Santa hat? Listen to the rap-sync country from Isaac Stancill “Santa in a Cowboy Hat.” It’s Bobby McFerrin-tastic.

Pop rappin’ “Snapback Santa Hat,” Dave Days ‘Jingle Bells’ your party with roof-raising to the mat. But is it Santa’s hat anymore?

Not only Santa need wear this specialty item. If you don the “Santa Hat” you might get a little sumpin sumpin, as pop folked by NSPS (and Deni Bonet’s sizzling fiddle).

Don We Now: SWEATERS

Sweaters aren’t so bad this time of year. Practical.

The Original Farquand Boys thank Mom for the “California Christmas Sweater“–it’ll keep ’em warm in this weather. It’s really really neat. Fine rock.

Pentatonix knows the value of a Christmas wraparound during “Sweater Weather.” A cappella hip hop about the holes in their sweaters. Lift your arms!

Kyle Stoneman asks that you “Put on Your Sweater for Christmas.” There’s no time that’s better. Garbled pop, but in a good way.

Sounding awful matter of fact Adrian Cohen accepts that “Eddie Vedder Christmas Sweater” are trademarks for my (in monotone) ‘favorite day of the year.’ Orchestrated pop that labels the item of clothing ‘ugly’ without acrimony. 5th stage of death and dying.

At first the joy of loving that “Ugly Christmas Sweater” can’t be beat. Tiffany Blom (and Thomsen friends), however, have nothing but grief from all that frivolity. (After three minutes of song, there’s an odd psychotic pschydelic killing spree.)

For some, Xmas is terrible. Except for the glorious ugly “Christmas Sweater.” AAA Girls are the queens to show you up.

Don We Now: SWEATERS!

Weirdly, that horrible knitted thing has a spell on you.

Gina Naomi Baez wants an “Ugly Christmas Sweater Party.” Pop soul for the puppies (!).

Loving that “Ugly Christmas Sweater,” The Withers sway and swoon with their new objet d’art, which may be made of twine or of pop music.

You know who really wants one? Hermione Crookshanks sings “The Sweater Song” about how Mrs. Weasley knits for Ron and Harry for Christmas… but what about the girl? Jazzy pop.

Fetishizing, The Benefit & The Chinese Fire Kites get aroused “(When You Wear) Your Christmas Sweater.” Punk driven pop fun.

Garth Brooks also does love that girl in “The Ugly Christmas Sweater.” She stands out, unlike his cookie cutter country claptrap.

Michael Flores loves that “Ugly Christmas Sweater” ‘cuz it’s ugly–i think. Home studio R+B cool pop.

Dude’s only friend is his top, so Jason Harwell is folky alt with his “Ode to a Christmas Sweater.” He’s talking to it. That’s not usual, is it?

Orange Para get all hypnagogic pop with their “Attractive Christmas Sweater.” The focus seems to be proximity to somone else warm, tho–

Take a Card: pop

Blissfully circular melodies with quick time and repetitive lyrics descend from many genres. Pop is sneered at and set outside of genre, but it’s money. And infectious.

The Shooting Stars drop out of punk and grunge into britpop with “My Christmas Card to You.” Sloppy sentiment (the song is the card), but the tubular bells are what sells.

OBB also sing this “Christmas Card to You” to package the platitudes about The Truth with unrecognizable shreds of funk and rock. Whoa-oh-oh.

Reprise: The Partridge Family bastardize folk and jazz to pop “My Christmas Card to You.” It almost sounds like music. David Cassidy, older–not quite dead–and raspier, has added some bluesy ragtime to a newer version.

Once in a moon, pop pees in your cornflakes because it’s so tired of having to entertain you. TeraBrite starts out the ecard “This Christmas Card from Me” sweet and soul, then gets nasal, then metal (sorry about the deck the halls). Fooled me.

Sing a Song of Singing Songs: for you

I’ve previously covered songs as gifts (you cheap bastard!) Now let’s cover gifts that are songs.

Reprise: Fairmont’s “This Song is Your Christmas Gift” rocks humility (It’s better than nothing!).

Reprise: Bill Craft et al’s “A Gift of Song” also plays it cool with bluegrass (This gift has no value!).

Reprise: Nugu Buyeng gets BLUE ALERT nasty to admit he has “No Christmas Present for You“–except this little old song he’s written.  Way to go, ya rapping Buddhist.

The Disney Channel’s Good Luck Charlie had a song about the singing: “Sing My Song for You.” As a TV number it’s short, but herein is the same number by characters Teddy & Spencer (played by Bridgit Mendler & Shane Harper), then by Sonny & Joe (Demi Lovato and Joe Jonas). It’s like a mirror looking into a mirror!

Let’s spell it out: can’t afford you! Michael Peace pieces together a clumsy excuse (including the children) with “We Wrote You this Song for Christmas.” He hopes it’s the bestest of all. (Spoiler alert: a stolen bracelet woulda been better.)