Category: pop music

You horrible person, you did me so much wrong I can no longer do what Jesus would do. Instead I curse you, with colorful spiteful obscenity!

[Ed. note: i love these turn-about venom-laced manifestos!!]

It seemed like only yesterday James Cole was wishing his departing girlfriend “A Very AIDS-y Christmas.” Soft ballad. BLUE ALERT

Gibson covers Landon Tewers’s “I Hope You have a Shitty Christmas” from a few years before on this blog. Definitely worth repeating. Pop. BLUE ALERT

A toothless set of insults from Pop Punk Band lets her have it with “I Hate My Ex, I Hate Ex-Mas.” It’s a bit punk, a bit techno, a lot pop.

Slightly meaner, Mr. Cork wears a “Christmas Tattoo” that says ‘Screw you’ on his butt in memory of your mistreatment of his heart. Calypso infused pop.

Appropriate hate from Johnny Setlist with a long setup about the perfect holiday relationship–and THEN! “Christmas with Someone Special” is BLUE ALERT in all the best ways, you–you–you poop-head! Ironic pop.

Given the options, I simply will not entertain the holidays without you by my side. Can’t. Won’t. Not a possibility.

There won’t be a “Christmas Without You” croons Xscape with a spoonful of soul. Miss you so much, the calendar just stopped.

*NSync spell it out with interwoven boy band harmonies in “I Don’t Wanna Spend One More Christmas Without You.” Now you know. (The Ready Set punk this one up just a smidge. You might not have known that if i hadn’t warned ya.)

At the bottom of the well you can see stars… That is to say, the heartache of heartbreak compounded by the universal union of Christ + candy canes causes a song or two to think the world is over, all over, not just at home.

It was s’posed to be ever-after, but Jay Brannan is in a doom spiral with “Christmas Really Sucks.” I’ve played this before, but, well, really listen this time to this beatup poet’s machinations.

Sylver gets cosmic with “Lonely X-mas,” slithering pop poetry that pairs flirty vulnerability with pouty passion. Coo.

Fashion never goes out of fashion. Except when it does. Songs about what to wear for the holidays is a funny little curiosity of a pigeonhole. From head to toe they’re all over the place.

Manila Luzon takes her queen act luxe with “Slay Bells,” defining wintry appeal with doowop rock and crazy rich finery.

Unfortunate clothing gaffes include “Why is Santa Wearing a Thong?” from Shark Uppercut. Too late, you can’t unthink it. This whale tale is electronic pop applied for maximum damage.

Goldentusk, such a nice Jewish boy, virtuosoistically jams on the ragtime jazz with “The Only Holiday Gift Worth Giving.” (It’s socks!) (I swear!)

On the other foot, Matt Roach garage rages about the trauma of getting clothes for Xmas in “Toys for Boys.” He’s going to need therapy.

Full on underage prurient pop from Wengie takes on “Ugly Christmas Sweater.” Breathlessly purring ‘Put it on! Put it on!’ doesn’t convey a clear message about the sweater or its ugliness. Danceable, tho.

Eating may have been the original reason for the season. Making it to the snowy solstice was a milestone worth of a mini-feast. Planting season was on the home stretch!

“I Ate Too Much Over the Holidays” from Lee Shot Williams may confuse food with sex, but the silky R+B blues makes it go down smooth.

And it’s not always yummy! Dysfunctional Family Band observes “Santa was Eating the Christmas Tree.” Childish glee into pop music.. wha? it was a dream!

On the other big band, JD McPherson bemoans “Hey Skinny Santa!” This jazzy chant to eat eat eat would motivate any Father to fatten up.

Shark Uppercut to the rescue. “Ham City” is a rap-sterpiece of techno meat music. “Xmas Hams” from Jiggly Caliente (feat. ginger Minj) gets back on the ‘Jingle Bells’ craving jag. Many more foods get the call out. Whoo! Got the sweats.

The entire sweet potato casserole recipe is sung out with pop assuredness to Detox (feat. Mamatox) in “Homemade for the Holidays,” pop R+B disco.

Now a simple spread might begin with “Nuts & Eggs.” But Piedmont Songbag is peeved to the blues because this was the only present you got ’em! Not enough!

Fortress of Attitude ‘Dreidel’ us some “Bagel Bagel Bagel.” Yes, it goes on and on, but so does my chewing. Look out, ex-wife Shannon!

“Tamale Christmas” corridos up the southern specialty (Texan) from Joe ‘King’ Carrasco Y El Molino. It’s better background music than song.

Don’t leave! Still time to grab your “Christmas Tacos” with your bestest buds. Between Disasters tosses down a pop salsa party of minced portions. (I suspect this is for crashing and hangovers. But, still, yum.)