Category: pop music

It’s All Relative, including the kids

Can’t have family without offspring, so let the wee ones tell ya how much they like having you all around (in their way) for the Christmas cheer.

Grabby like kids Vonzella Cummings and Eddie B Cummings chant out their “Family Christmas” in a tin bathroom so you can’t barely tell what’s going on. So alt it doesn’t have an ending.

I’ve already hooted over “Jasper’s Worst Christmas.” Whit Hill rollicks the bluegrass over the full house. Ha ha ha to rotten families.

The shaking of presents might lead to a manic guessing frenzy if not for strict mom and Bible dad in Bruce Reimer’s old-fashioned country tale “Family Christmas.” Greed disappoints, family fulfills. Or whatever.

Pandy Walshe dad-lectures then sing-structures what the kids should expect in “Family Christmas.” Kid country at its frothiest.

Mark Anthony Harrison Buckley dirge beats the pop Santa story “Our Family Christmas.” It’s about the kids having to wait, but singing with the whole clan to help pass the time. Counts.

It’s All Relative, dysfunction

Oil, water, vinegar, gasoline… it takes all kinds to make one group of relatives. Go with it.

Lynyrd Skynyrd gets honky tonk American rock with the aw shucks celebration “Skynyrd Family.” They’re one short of an eight track.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Saturday Night Live had a running ‘Dysfunctional Family’ routine, including the commercial for the “Dysfunctional Family Christmas Album.” Pop psychology parodies.

Todd Yohn goes gay musical with “Dysfunctional Family Christmas.” Curious, but a bit ordinary for a colorful family collective.

Vancougar gets melodically mellifluous with their “Dysfunctional Family Christmas.” It’s a heartwarming celebration of what Xmas really means.

It’s All Relative, say hello

Let’s bebop to the holiday home!

Previous parody from The Parliament needs reprising. “Christmas Time” is all about the malaise of that time of year, but family is the burst acne on the cake here. Pop folk drollery.

Tim Nordstrom sounds fatalistic with his piano bar jazz “Christmas is Family.” Perhaps he’s a couple drinks in and whiskey philosophical, but it’s making a relaxed sense.

Simen Tangen crushes it with the fluffy pop of “Family Christmas,” a ’70s throwback about love and whistling. Long notes, too!

EX-Mas, never be over it

Christmas is ruined, life is over, no more sunrises. From what you did to me, bring out the crows. Dunzos!

Every year the connection to the cheer and you-not-here triggers the country blues from Travis Tritt. “Christmas Just Ain’t Christmas Without You” is a bar burner of piano rolls. Vince Vance & The Valiants plugs female vocals into this trauma.

The Supremes aren’t getting over what seems 5000 years of missing him in “Just a Lonely Christmas.” Girl dour.

Bowling for Soup cheers us up just a bit with this no holds barred lamentation with upbeat pop: “Miss You Most on Christmas.” See, he thinks about you every day since you left, twice on holidays.

Ex-Mas, a special place in hell BLUE ALERT

You horrible person, you did me so much wrong I can no longer do what Jesus would do. Instead I curse you, with colorful spiteful obscenity!

[Ed. note: i love these turn-about venom-laced manifestos!!]

It seemed like only yesterday James Cole was wishing his departing girlfriend “A Very AIDS-y Christmas.” Soft ballad. BLUE ALERT

Gibson covers Landon Tewers’s “I Hope You have a Shitty Christmas” from a few years before on this blog. Definitely worth repeating. Pop. BLUE ALERT

A toothless set of insults from Pop Punk Band lets her have it with “I Hate My Ex, I Hate Ex-Mas.” It’s a bit punk, a bit techno, a lot pop.

Slightly meaner, Mr. Cork wears a “Christmas Tattoo” that says ‘Screw you’ on his butt in memory of your mistreatment of his heart. Calypso infused pop.

Appropriate hate from Johnny Setlist with a long setup about the perfect holiday relationship–and THEN! “Christmas with Someone Special” is BLUE ALERT in all the best ways, you–you–you poop-head! Ironic pop.

EX-Mas, not dealing with it

That inbetween space ‘twixt light and dark contains the brokenhearted. During dark times (solstice, frinstance) the mopey becomes the dweller in the cellar for as long as–say a song.

Bobby Vee’s 1962 swingin’, swayin’ “A Not So Very Merry Christmas” blues-rocks the woes melodically with long-drawn out chorus notes. Can you dig it?

Luther Vandross makes an annual fool of himself with the R+B complaint “Every Year, Every Christmas.” He won’t give you up, no matter he can’t find you. You had to be there.

Mariah Carey is all over the octave plaintively crying out “Miss You Most (At Christmas Time)“! Pop ear burster.

Taylor Swift shows the talent you’d expect with “Christmasses When You were Mine,” a gentle trembling country piece of poetry about living in the past.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBFByXDggaE

EX-Mas, refusal

Given the options, I simply will not entertain the holidays without you by my side. Can’t. Won’t. Not a possibility.

There won’t be a “Christmas Without You” croons Xscape with a spoonful of soul. Miss you so much, the calendar just stopped.

*NSync spell it out with interwoven boy band harmonies in “I Don’t Wanna Spend One More Christmas Without You.” Now you know. (The Ready Set punk this one up just a smidge. You might not have known that if i hadn’t warned ya.)

EX-Mas, eternally

At the bottom of the well you can see stars… That is to say, the heartache of heartbreak compounded by the universal union of Christ + candy canes causes a song or two to think the world is over, all over, not just at home.

It was s’posed to be ever-after, but Jay Brannan is in a doom spiral with “Christmas Really Sucks.” I’ve played this before, but, well, really listen this time to this beatup poet’s machinations.

Sylver gets cosmic with “Lonely X-mas,” slithering pop poetry that pairs flirty vulnerability with pouty passion. Coo.

EX-Mas, what are YOU celebrating about?!

There you go, buying and exchanging, caroling and greeting–How Could You!? I’m extra sad because I’ve been left!

Transference from Chris Stalcup & the Grange repeating “I Hate Christmas” since you left me then. Bluesy honky tonk.

Green Cherries revisists ’60s pop with “It’s Christmas,” an ode to one-sided endurance. Just listen. Then you’ll feel as bad…. (It IS pretty.)

EX-Mas, dead+gone

So he didn’t walk out on you, he passed on from you. Still a rough candy-cane strewn holiday road doing without.

[Momentary digression to mother-issues: Bud Davidge suffers to figure out “Christmas Without Mama.” Lilting country catastrophe.]

[And, oh holy yeah, “There’s No Christmas Without You” Kirk Franklin and The Family soul/gospel up the dead Jesus reason for the season.]

Everything But the Girl has an alt-folk soft lilt to their loneliness that smacks of mortal grief. But “25th December” is more than eulogy. It’s a poetic remembrance of loss that doesn’t belong in my categories of sadness or blues. This hurts so good.

Mark Arnett has a true eulogy over his love. But it’s SANTA mourning MRS. CLAUS. What the actual folklore? “I Miss You Most at Christmas (Now that You are Dead)” is a ’70s psychedelic ode that starts you scratching your head, then gets you bobbing, then swaying. Go with it.