Category: pop music

ël-No, the twenty-sixth

Stretching out of pop music smarm, alternative music also dwells in the wallows of emotionality. The lovelorn cancellation of Christmas is ripe for writing in this universe.

“Empty Christmas” is the alt cry of The Wheels. Waffling between with you and without you this tinkly charmer sets you at arm’s length.

El Dorado croons to warbly synth in “No Christmas This Year,” a pop song in everything but word choice. Just a bit off kilter for the commoners. (So, yeah, i like it.)

Hyper garage from Brandon Harrod plays out the broken relationship as psychological number-line with “Christmas is Cancelled.” Well, you tell me, then.

Pop-punk from Bankrupt is heightened by the grindhouse footage backing “Christmas is Cancelled.” Leaving me is like a tree murdering. Or zombies. (Blue Alert)

Driving Brit-pop is as far from mod-pop as The Monkees, ‘tho The Long Blondes remind me a bit more of Blondie with their “Christmas is Cancelled.” That bangin’ guitar is the heartbeat of heartbreak.

ël-No, the twenty-fifth

Pop goes the Christmas cracker… and also the pretty tune about how there can be no Christmas without us together. Bay-bee.

Syncopated synthesized pop from Ricardo Munoz spells out that “Once Christmas is Gone” so are you. But you’ll be back, yeah?

Zee Avi plays pretty with the dreary in “No Christmas for Me.” Try to imagine why he doesn’t want to spend the holidays with her.

From his Holiday Pop album, Nicholas Markos paints by the numbers to synth up “No Christmas No More.” It hops, it bops, it stops.

ël-No, the fourth

Dysfunctional families are famous for forgetting to observe the important days on the calendar.

The Partitioners warble some shoo-be doo-wop rock with the falsetto truth of “There is No Christmas.” If you listen carefully, you may be offended.

ël-No, the second

The lack of Christmas must be the result of the lack of goodness and hope and innocence. That’s right… isn’t it?

Cutesy kidpop from Dandyland makes this sad syllogism into mopey music with “No More Christmas.” Don’t you dare enjoy this.

Unreality BLUE ALERT

Is Xmas about the presents? You know better than to fall into that trick question trap. What should you really be into for the holidays? Well, imma tell you:

Lil B gets what for from his mama in “No Presents,” a rap battle of mediocre proportions. I do hope he learns to lessen.

The Sowell Family bands together for bluegrass and preachin’ in “It’s Not Christmas.” Turns out presents are the least of your hopes. No tree, nor snow, nor–i’m not sure but maybe not even–family matters. You better pray you figure out what does.

Pony Death Ride lands on what’s important with their “Nothing Beats Old People at Christmas.” No specifically eschewing gifts (they didn’t get you any bc they ‘thought you would be dead’), this BLUE ALERT irony must be heard, because millennials.

Zilch

When Jesus Roosevelt Christ was born, no one gave gifts. Okay, some randos showed outta nowhere couple weeks later… but were beedays observed with bikes and socks back in that day? don’t think so.

“Jesus Got Nothing for Christmas” is the new wave offering from Hank Green, that vlogger (you really should Crash Course again) who seems to be able to be funny and everything (irreverently).

Not a Bit of It

So what’s a bloke to do when Santa doesn’t come through?

Hoggles Jewelry recounts that time Santa just disappeared in “Fran Spoils Christmas.” This is a sneaky garage party tune, so don’t worry if you wanna party ’bout it.

Tell Santa that the malfeasance wasn’t your fault, honey. RuPaul ameliorates her admission in “Nothing for Christmas” with the Imma child of circumstances routine. Remember 23B… you ready?

Callux argues, threatens, and comes through with the pop happening “Naughty List.” No gifts and you don’t exist, Kringles!