Category: pop music

Wait for Poop

I’ve been on the kids’ soap box before about the condescension toward the developing with music for children: brash, cacophonous, repetitive… it’s like a seizure. Of joy. Sets my hackles to rising.

Mercifully short, Gerbert’s “I Can’t Wait ’til Christmas” is that forced funny voice of childlike moronity, with a tinkly pop rhythm that’s almost music.

When it’s YOUR kids, the holiday assembly at the elementary school is breathtaking, except for how your precocious pre-adult ISN’T featured center!! “If You Can’t Wait for Christmas” is one of those milquetoast bits o’ schmaltz that by offending no one entertains everyone. Thanks to Denise Gagne.

Even worse, is the amateur prodigy thrust into fame. Holly Collins gets no technical support while shouting and slurring through “I Can’t Wait for Christmas.” This country/pop gospel barn burner has a seed of promise, but it’s hard to feel it through the stink.

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Oh. Christmas. Soon. Ho hum.

Diederick Van Eck strums a cowboy guitar for “Almost Christmas,” but his sauntering through the kids’ happy cries really brings down the joy. (He even says, ‘Hey, don’t shout.’) Quite matter of fact, but not in a hip way.

Strumming out some Devo-folk Black Cherry monotones “Christmas is Almost Here” so you’ll have to dig the meaning out of this druidic chant yourself.

Living room becomes coffee house for Cassidy Brennan, whose folk musings play low key in her “Almost Christmas.” Pretty vocals. Woeful tone.

Almost amateurishly recorded, Johnny Bennett layers in some blues lament with the folk to dampen the dark “Christmas Time is Almost Here.” Dread it.

The Automatics get more pop lively with “It’s Almost Christmas Day.” But the punk overtones and interweaving imagery make me lose the traditional wonder and stare at my navel. Good, if inappropriate.

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Sometimes a hidden agenda, an urgent message worms its way into the excitement of Christmas’s border.

Entaune play it straight with a soaring, spiritual celebration of the bric-a-brac of the holiday’s imminence. Then: help the homeless! Outta nowhere! Bait and switch! “Almost Christmas Eve” survives its pop platitudes nonetheless.

Frearson pulls a 90 degree turn within “I Can’t Believe It’s Nearly Christmas” to admit failure at dieting, family planning, ambition, and general self actualization. Dude, take a breath. Slow pop. Mad fun.

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What’s worse? Insincere pop. That’ll work for anticipatory itching for Christmas to come!

Lala Deaton’s an obvious talent, but the uptempo jazz piano bar swing from the ’70s does her no favors. “Holiday Rush” is well meant, but gives me a TV headache.

King o’ cheese Barry Manilow flounces his way through “Christmas is Just Around the Corner.” It’s not so much effortless genius as phoned-in scmaltz.

“It’s Almost Christmas” is the bouncy froth that kids of all ages pretend they are too good for. Infectious, but not that good. Justin LeBreck, Kimberly Woycke, and James Marquis swish and boom like Christmas is fun or something.

Let’s pump it up to the funky rap-pop of Holiday Boiz. “Christmas is Almost Here” is peppy fun, not what funk or rap should be at all. Eyebrow raising.

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There’s a languorous slow pop that plays lugubriously for emoting, not dancing. I don’t know (nor want to know) its peculiar genre, though sometimes i be digging on it.

Primordial Penguins slowly build to a plod their “Christmas is Just Around the Corner.” You could march into a graduation ceremony to this thing.

John Oriettas get reverb retro with “It’s Almost Christmas Time.” Lots of ahh-ahh background to get you in the (??) mood. I’m (????) there.

Ron Lehner schools them all. His not-exactly-folk, not-quite-blues wistful “It’s Almost Christmas” quietly hollers the need for joy. Not the joy itself. That’s telling them.

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Let’s throw the (good) book at the topic: a little religiosity while we circle in on the 25th of December is appropriate. Don’t just go to church at midnight Mass and call it good. Keep kneeling all the days.

Playful soul R+B is fecund ground for a gospel message, but “Almost Christmas Time” by The Willing Workers (feat. Lil D, The Candyman, Chynosoul & Big E) is hard to take seriously. Thanking JC for the underbelly of culture with a joyous swing, however understated, sounds off.

The Kumbaya folk lilt of Joanna McMorris sells the message better. But “It’s Almost Christmas” comes in as too measured and carefully worded to reach into the soul and produce awe/dread/love. It’s just a pretty song.

The over-ochestrated showtune quality of “I Love When Christmas is Just Around the Corner” brings the power of the sacrifice of god-as-man into the restrained gentility of a hummable tune. Marina Pierce and Christopher Puckett run arpeggios of notes ’round the reason for the season. Not getting it–

I do get Jason Gray’s over-produced joyous “Christmas is Coming” (Will You be There?). It’s a call-to-arms to be innocent and hopeful with enormous chorus back up. A bit modern, but successfully done. (Maybe it’s the pop country overtones….)

Laurie Klassen bangs the piano ragtime style (add synth-trumpets!) to beat the drum for “Christmas Time is Almost Here.” It’s folk pop that preaches with syncopation (how many syllable can YOU get out of Amen?).

Okay, less is more. Jars of Clay sneaks the Savior in poetically to “Almost Christmas.” It’s a plodding folk walk in the snow that evokes mystery and loneliness. But it’s soft as a pop prayer trailing promise and passion in its waltzing wake. Thanks.

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Getting real is the hackneyed hope of truth to power, a sad devaluation of the ineffable pain of culture/race/class/belief struggling by Talkin’ ‘Bout It. Plugging that sympathetic ear onto the Almost Christmas idea leads us a merry chase.

“Getting Ready for Christmas Day” becomes a cry of pain within the folksy Afropop of Paul Simon. Stand ready for a revival sermonizing solo. Professionally done, but the anti-capitalist sneer dressed up with danceability hurts my sensibility. It’s not preachin’, it’s bleaching.

Agorophobicly, Amanda Cottreau leans in with ASMR to sultry-folk the stay-at-home message “Almost Christmas.” Too many crowds, choices, costs for this to be the best time of year. She’s rather stay home and close-whisper.

Chris Garneau plays up the irony with a similar anti-commercial message in the tinkly, glowing, intimate lullaby “It’s Almost Christmas.” The addition of how we fix corporate greed with hand-mades helps.

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Songs that notice Xmas is nearby get at turns hyper, hopeful, humble, or hopeless. Hoo boy. Let’s try something new, i’ll list these in order of quality. I may dis or kiss a cut, but generally I present everything I can find with brief contextualizations. For a month, it’s judgment day. (That’s a Christmas tradition, right?)

My taste does NOT veer toward watered down R&B easy listening love fests barely suitable for background muzak in polite white church foyer. So beware of pointless pap like “Christmas Day Is Almost Here” by Ira Antelis and Thomas Clark (feat. Jess Godwin). It’s pretty, but all icing–no cake.

Cramming the pop tune with kids (and even more cliche) does not help much. But “Nearly Christmas” by Sinead McNally has a light lilt that bounces with musicality. Better.

“It’s Almost Christmas Time” ups the melody ante with orchestral depth (guitar and sax) and some uncalled for vocal riffing. So this pop tune turns my head a bit. Thanks Audiomade.

In my rotating playlist is Stay for Fireworks’s “It’s Almost Christmas Time.” This mildly manic synco-pop comes off jug band meets jazzabilly. And they seem to be enjoying themselves. It’s an A.

Mall World: magic

Is that pillow-packin’, scraggly angel-hair chinning, old fool at the mall in December worth your while?! Look again, he might be mighty, mystical, mythical, magical….

The hero of the shopping day is “Mall Santa,” according to Cobra Cobra. Guys, he saves a kitten and struts off into the tree set and stuff! Cool retro pop.

“Mall Santa” by Jordan Higgs seems to be just a guy–but he promises you ANYTHING YOU ASK FOR (provided you’ve been good). That’s a victory lap. Folk garage pop.