Category: pop music

When is a train not a train? When it’s a metaphor!

Admiting it’s cliche, Clint Black countrifies the idea of time as a train: We’re bringing in another year let’s throw the old one back: With my new train I’ll be the engineer And hurry down the track While I know that time is standing still. “Slow as Christmas” is a fine sing-along for the whole family. Don’t hate it.

Iacopo Fedi maps his getaway from the madness of mundaneness on a “Christmas Train.” Stand back and let the rollicking garage funk through.

Simpler folk blues from Sofia Talvik portrays a “Christmas Train” Filled with guns and ammunition–They don’t give a damn about the wishing . This machine cannot be stopped. It is progress, expansion, war. Be afraid. Merrily.

Bluesy folk pop from Aster & The X Band suggest you surrender to the oncoming onslaught of the season: Feel it coming, the Christmas train. “Christmas” may be ironic, but it is definitely iconic of the dispossesed.

I miss being a team: Sharing everything Like laughter, “Christmas and Train Trips and Things” bemoans Trembling Blue Stars. So the Xmas trains are just normal stuff, the little things, the wallpaper of life. Miss that when the breakup is all there is. Gentle slow pop.

For toy trains, Scale S is 1:64. So a locomotive is just over a foot long.

Dominic Campisi may not have a recording contract, but he sang a song. So there. “Christmas Time” is the usual laundry list of holiday items. Dolls and toy trains are included. A bit surf rock in the melody, but no instrumentation. F for F-fort.

Little ol’ Brenda Lee lets us in on a strange inhuman experiment. Santa carved a new helper out of a Christmas tree. Rather than name him Pin-snow-cchio, Santa calls him “Christy Christmas.” In her best rockabilly bebop, Ms. Lee relates how all the toys for you (like choo choo trains for boys) are selected by this monster. Chilling.

What seems to be a real train in “Train Goes Around” becomes an elaborate decorated set up in The Christmas Workshop Band’s pattering ditty. Blathering pop.

If you’re lucky you might see Santa fly by on the good ol’ “Christmas Train,” as folk-hoarsely mewed by Patrick DeVille. Ragged, but righteous.

Just like the chariot that’s gonna take ye to heaven, There’s a train on the way to Christmas. “The Christmas Train” by Chantal Kreviazuk (feat. Salvador Maida) is a piano recital for Grandma in wistful shades of children’s blues and pop. Somber as all get out.

MG rambles through a children’s huzzah: “Polar Xmas.” It’s not really singing, but it’s not rap either. Pop as a catchall.

Bad Flappin’ Birds concoct an amateur pop adventure to visit Santa. Apart from being unable to navigate the candy cane maze to find the bathroom, they have a jam-packed time (riding the train!) in their “Bad Flappy Holidays.” Catchy as much as weird.

Does Santa use a train? Honey, Santa uses it all! That train makes the most commotion with its locomotion, though, so give it some heed.

Ginger St. James sets the mood with her stentorian country: announcing (and whoo whoo-ing) more than singing “Christmas Train.” What a toot!

Ben Browning strains soft rock through a boy band screen to deliver “Christmas Train” into your elevator music queue.

Tom Hanks (and some kids) chortle out “The Polar Express” as a showtune to introduce the uncanny valley of the 2004 movie. Brrr.

Jake Hadrick takes this conceit and murderlizes it with the excessively filtered pop of “Pole Express.” Jump! Escape! Hurry!

I think i can party i think i can party i think i can party….

“Booze Train Christmas” sums up the experimental alt-pop of Madslack Mike. The slurry invite, the wobbly rhythms, the hypnotic repetition… i’m gonna need some fresh air.

Screamin’ garage from The Hot Dogs feels like a booze-fest in “Rolling on the Train.” Reverb on repeat is a hangover and a half.

Ben & Tucker take the “Magical Rainbow Train” to Christmas: seeing snow elephants, feeding polar bears, eating cookies. Don’t ever wake up, boys! Silly ad-lib pop.

Mary Blige sashays the rap with her “Christmas in the City.” On the train is merely one symptom of ogling, bustling, and dealing. No where else, though. A love letter to urbanity, yeah.

Byron “Mr Talkbox” Chambers also raps the joy of the city in “Christmas Time.” A bit more Jesus and family, here. The train comes, so more of both. I guess.

The last train home can be a bummer, too. Scouting for Girls caffeinates the pop of new-found romance when they felt like “Kids at Christmas.” But, she’s gotta leave for home for the holidays.

KWADI seems sad, but’s really excited to go “Home for Christmas” on the train. Light piano pop. It’s complicated.

Faithful Johannes takes the train to the city also to shop. He’s fretting because “You Don’t Like Christmas Songs” and he doesn’t know what to get you. But this sprightly pop with the whispery complaining might win you over. Well done (for a therapy session).

Hernando Tangjaya feels that when “It’s That Time of the Year” it’s pretty great. Sharing, caring, skiing high and low, you know. Piano pop that doesn’t know when to stop.

Kymm bums us out with the heavy metal instrumental “Dansk Puzzle with Boobs in Ski Lodge.” Don’t be fooled by the nomenclature, it’s relentless riffs.

Speaking of relentless, the “Ski Slope Safety Song” from the video game Vac action simulator must be sampled to be believed. It’s not what you think.

Someday Cafe (feat. Andrea Schmidt) fall through the season pass when they wind up in a “Snowfall.” The magical beauty greeting gives that old run-around for directions: You go through the flannel fairway, down the cinnamony slopes; We’re a common destination for the happiest of folks. But the charming pop makes this weird detour so worth it. Bravo.

Thaores worries about the slippery slope of the world, then reveals the way to “Celebrate Christmas.” Enjoy the fire, those who have a fire in their homes. Hallelujah and other cheesy pop stuff.

Dirty Dollar Beatz engineer an icy dance in their electronic backdrop “Skiing Beat.” It’s like mechanical.

“The Penguin Twins’ Penguin Dance” involves slippin’ and slidin’ up and down the slopes. There’s also handclapping (no flipping). Michael Scott (feat. Maurice Walsh) saves the blog with awesome pop dance novelty.

By turns glad, sad, and mad “Skiing Down A Hill Of Dead Fishies” by golden diskó ship creates a club world of snowy hell. Pop mash up.

Childish instrumentals from Soniq Theater create a roller coaster mood in “Alpine Skiing.” Cool beans.

I DO understand the metaphorical nature of skiing, what with all the drug connections to cocaine… Coyote Rumors takes “Skiing Down” into the sexual arena. Without getting blue, he’s sorry–i guess. Mopey pop.

Can you handle the sexy stuff? “Alpine Skiing” is the punk-ish rock dance instruction from Pansy Division. It starts with a pole in each hand…