Category: show tune

Don’t forget the lighter side of cocaine for Christmas! What was it? Oh, here!

Stage Door Guy deadpans a cowboy ballad: “Cocaine for Christmas.” He’s suffering for his art, but it barely shows.

Aleksei Archer reframes “White Christmas” OF COURSE about cocaine. Subtle, unless actually you listen to it. (‘Schnife’?!)

Christ Sampson pokes the hip hop bear with “White Christmas (Cocaine).” It’s not exactly comedy, but it’s not street. More like lane.

Just as unfortunate a rap number is “Ho! Ho! Ho! (It Looks Like Snow)” from White Lightning, P’Zilla and Chinchilla. They can keep a beat. But the moral of the story is: are we famous yet?

Parody hit and misses for cocaine here. “Frosty the Cokehead” by CC Streetz is a near-miss. It’s so sweet. Isn’t it a sweet one? Bob Gautreau does the Jimmy Durante impression for his “Frosty the Blowman.” Look, Mommy, the old man is singing about young peoples’ problems! sibbaldk in a similar vein tries “Frosty the Dope Man.” Tries. Friday the 25th drops a ghetto beat on theirs. Lickety fun. By this point The Funny Hat of America sound old hat.

Bree Essrig & Brett Erlich go to some trouble to ruin ‘Frozen’ with “Do You Want to Do Some Blow, Man?” I say yeah. To the ruination, that is. (Yeah, this is obvious: Doctor Panglos does this, too. And The Tokyo Fever. And some big half naked tatted up guy named Roccy.) (And lounge hagstress Loretta Jenkins killing “Let’s Do Blow” should be overlooked.)

The strangest spiking of the ‘nog is a popular, though underground song entitled “The Eggnog Song.” It’s not alcohol this time. And everyones faces seem to melt. There are club versions by Jacob Alexander (masterful), Richard White (earnest), Shawn Ryan (loungey), and Emily Clarke (shrill). But let’s give it up for (i believe) the originator: Chris Critelli. (It’s the oldest posting i can find.) Buckle up this one’s a doozy.

Musicals need shorthand to describe an idea. Christmas cookies fill the bill as a little detail with a big tradition to unpack.

Henry Noodle is a small time musical franchise by Tim McCanna. He’s pursued musical theater through the Cosmic Calamities of his SciFi hero. One such adventure saw our hero teaching silly girl aliens in skimpy costumes about Christmas. “Christmas Cookies” takes a minute to start, but becomes crispy and crunchy in its own special echelon.

Tina deVaron spreads her own show stopping message (and jazz hands) with “When is a Cookie?” Trust me, it’s a holiday song. And it’s got close up mugging, sashaying, and the drama of a torn family. Oh, and a recipe.

The sticky crumbs here… angry, mean songs about fruitcake with some redeeming graces.

Some old schoolhouse rock ripoff about fruitcake rounded the web a while back and at least one troller posted half of this nice calypso number (without any laffs in it) as “The Fruit Cake Song.” It had possibility….

Another “Fruitcake Song” of uncertain origin backs prepubescent pajama wearing ballerina-wannabes in some outdoor park festival. It kinds pops, what you can hear of it.

The Wissman Family and The Von Trapp Children (grandkids of the original Austrian Kurt) kid around with “Please Don’t Send Me Fruitcake.” Oldsters sneer at the sentiment but approve of the youthful exuberance. Adorable!

Local holiday revue with neighbor talent only embellishes “Holiday Lament (Nobody Likes a Fruitcake)” from That Time of Year. This time it’s from the point of view of the maligned mealy loaf, at least that side of the table. Great harmonies, girls!

Mistletoe is the great euphemism for wee ones trying to wrap their heads around adults nagging and snogging and not keeping an eye on the skies for Santa at night.

Not all cartoon specials feature that winsome weed, but we’ll tune in on a bit of ‘A Garfield Christmas’ and lend an ear to old folks explaining love with “Mistletoe and Laughter.” Not much of a song.

More modernly, but not actually featured on a Saturday morning TV screen, Veronica Taylor and Rachel Lillis ship Ash and Misty from the ‘Pokemon’ series for “Under the Mistletoe.” It’s an animated song! (With crashing sfx.)

Not to be missed is the disturbing burlesque routine by Janet Waldo (not the usual Julie Bennett) as Cindy Bear explaining the bears and the bees to Boo Boo in ‘Yogi’s First Christmas.’ “The Mistletoe Song”  wonders how far Cindy will go and if she’ll die from kissing Yogi. He’s smarter than average, you know.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hN0-DDMm_OU

Time to simplify: cash me up and i’ll shop for my own damn self.

Fred Figglehorn tries to squeeze pop music out of his helium hokum-ry. “Christmas Cash” is just as annoying as it wants to be.

College Humor tries for yucks with (WARNING: CONTAINS MARIAH CAREY PARODY) “All I Want for Christmas is Cash.” Some nice sentiments expressed (“Fuck Season 2 of ‘Smash’!“)

Pearl Bailey says it right (said it before on this blog, but it bears repeating: “A Five Pound Box of Money” is all Santa needs to bring.

Riddim gets reggae on top of ‘Deck the Halls’ with “Money for Christmas.” It’s not greedy so much as groovy.

Bah & The Humbugs draw the line for their “Christmas List.” Even the 1% want a little green Christmas.