Category: rap

Not sure how a hundred translates musically, but these songsters hit it for Christmas.

You can hear the chimes, clangs, & whistles 100 miles when Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends kidsong “It’s Christmas Time.” Catchy, and not just in a cow-catcher way.

Apathy Demigodz is pretty pissed BLUE ALERT when he underlines McCartney for his rap defensive “Wonderful X-mas Time.” Scoop Deville gave me like a 100 beats for Christmas is the nicest thing he can rhyme. Not a parody as much as it is a diatribe.

Contrariwise Cha$e D’Amico raps for the family when he points out family and friends are better than 100 bands. “Merry Christmas to You All” is as lame as it sounds. If you wanna spread the joy then go and make a phone call! Ya YAAA!

Santa, I need the Lam with a 100 bands, man fool-raps Arthur Ray (feat. Uni-G) in the funny funky “Gift Rappin’.” It’s a carnival of crazy. Naughty, too, but not quite blue.

It’s about time we got another love song. Young Disciple (feat. Katelyn Pitzer, Mekenna Simpson & Big Yawn) rapid rap how they wanna be forever, till we go to heaven Be together till we hit that big 107. “You Are the One” is the title, message, and refrain. Big feelings. With tambourine.

Layla Khepri reimagines “Joy to the World” as a holiday burden on her, rapping about the growing woes–that is, until the drugs kick in. She gives 110, she sez, the world revolving around her. They’ll take me naughty or nice Just to have me— And it IS naughty, but not too blue alert.

Tommy Lee Sparta liquifies the English language with his Jamiacan rap “Shelly Christmas.” This rabbit hole of crime/violence drills deeper and deeper. Nothing merry gwan awn hyere. Call 119! (Emergency Services for Jamaica). [Shelly might be some Olympian trek star from the island, dunno.]

Fortune Kit lays his rap lines for pop purposes in “Silly Santa’s Christmas Kisses.” Hot rodding (I’m doin’ 120, they told me to pull over the sled), drugging (I got a pile of snow like Bobby Brown and Whitney), minor crimes (Santa’s Bringing Christmas cards that expired last year), and more (Crooked cops lookin’ at Donner and Blitzen like yiff yiff)–! Maybe there won’t be a Christmas next year….

Big Shaq tortures some rhymes with a Caribbean twist in “Daily Duppy.” This Christmas party veers all over from getting back a Santa cussing out his mom, to spilled drinks, to Fly your girl like Concorde
143 on the dashboard. Uh oh.

Not to shy away from the super-odd, “Rap, Clap, Slap” is the electronically distorted not quite fluent in English slightly Christmas themed rando-rap from Lars Epsensen, ending with the dutiful that was 163 words.