Tommy Lee Sparta liquifies the English language with his Jamiacan rap “Shelly Christmas.” This rabbit hole of crime/violence drills deeper and deeper. Nothing merry gwan awn hyere. Call 119! (Emergency Services for Jamaica). [Shelly might be some Olympian trek star from the island, dunno.]
Category: rap
Christmas Countdown: 120
Fortune Kit lays his rap lines for pop purposes in “Silly Santa’s Christmas Kisses.” Hot rodding (I’m doin’ 120, they told me to pull over the sled), drugging (I got a pile of snow like Bobby Brown and Whitney), minor crimes (Santa’s Bringing Christmas cards that expired last year), and more (Crooked cops lookin’ at Donner and Blitzen like yiff yiff)–! Maybe there won’t be a Christmas next year….
Christmas Countdown: 143
Big Shaq tortures some rhymes with a Caribbean twist in “Daily Duppy.” This Christmas party veers all over from getting back a Santa cussing out his mom, to spilled drinks, to Fly your girl like Concorde
143 on the dashboard. Uh oh.
Christmas Countdown: 163
Not to shy away from the super-odd, “Rap, Clap, Slap” is the electronically distorted not quite fluent in English slightly Christmas themed rando-rap from Lars Epsensen, ending with the dutiful that was 163 words.
Christmas Countdown: 187 BLUE ALERT
G-Mo Skee pulls a 187 on your misconceptions, that is “Filthmas Origins (The Prequel)” murders the ordinary view of our Christian observance. This rap on the hella-pagan satan-worshippin’ heathen holiday pulls no punches. I mean, BLUE ALERT, a’ight. Look out. There’s history.
Christmas Countdown: 216 BLUE ALERT
Pineapple Posse wants to celebrate the holidays, but–clinging to street red–swear they won’t take “No L“–not from nobody. Lazy sex references and casual violence attribution frame: I’m back on the mic 216 Up in the heights, yeah the Posse down to fight. That’s likely a reference to the area code for E. Cleveland’s Shaker Heights. Must be some down-and-dirty there to warrant this rudderless rap.
Christmas Countdown: 223 BLUE ALERT
German whisper-rapper LoadTronic spins down the drug trail in “Christmas Cheesecake,” a reference to how his homies are stacked (??!). It ain’t a dream you just see me bubble ball out 223 Yeah I go up now. This number could be the ungodly time, or the Minneapolis municipal code against drug paraphernalia, or the number of pages in a Cheesecake Factory menu… dunno. But it’s lyrically street.
Christmas countdown: 270
Roger Creager admits “I Got the Guns” back around Christmas ’79. This rocking country codependency is as fetishistic as it sounds, ending with the list: Just and old bolt-action 16 gauge; And my grandmother’s 410; A 270 that my dad fired once–He brought a mule deer in. Woo.
Judging and smoking, Mr. Loaf fronts that he comes from the 270 in “Gingerloaf.” Could be Greensboro, NC. Could be Bowling Green, KY. Sure it’s the tough part of wherever, though. Christmas is not a bright spot in this rap.
Christmas Countdown: 305 [light blue]
If love is a battlefield, gifts are a strategy. Trey Songz raps down on the special purchases made for his lovely just to get the hoes mad. “#Christmas (Guess Who)” includes the purchase of a Hublot 305 for his own self (a watch that costs more than a car). Got it/flaunt it.
Christmas Countdown: 311 [BLUE ALERT]
What’s going on on the third floor? Well, come around the holidays Gnarwhalz is white-boy rapping about “Christmas in 311,” an unfortunate expletive-laden get-down witchyo funky-ness.