Category: rap

Toy boat? How ’bout a beaut of a boat? Is that TOO much?

Paul and Tom’s ‘Holiday Spunktacular Podcast for December 13th, 2017’ from their podcast Hometown Sounds begins with Andrew Grossman’s band The North Country recording of “Don’t Shop Just Love.” This noted socialist doesn’t want a U-Boot, just warmth. So, no boat. (Continue listening to the podcast as you please. It’s okay.)

Unkle Funkle also disapproves of Xmas excess: I don’t need a car or boat or brand new skis; I don’t want a diamond ring or any of these–I just need a little Christmas romance, please! “I Want a Kiss from Santa” he funk-raps. That’s enough… for the lonely.

In the most aggro ship-hating, SHeDAISY (feat. Rascal Flats) gives away and burns your stuff (including sinking your Bass boat) so you’ll have more time for her. As a Christmas gift! “Twist of the Magi” is a pop country back-and-forth of fun.

[Repeat offender Amanda Shires brings back the actual want of a boat, and a pony, and a plane–anything but you! You she wants “Gone for Christmas.” Groovy blues.]

Crazy Kuzins want a ship and a skipper in their “Warning… Crazy Christmas List.” ‘Course they also kid-rap how they want a really smart newt to compute square roots, a mosquito burrito for my pet bat, pat, and a bowl of potpourri. So, no limits.

Christmas train songs can just be noisy and not mean anything.

“Train Trip” from the album Christmas Sobbing by Flore CF starts as a noisy journey, but interweaves multilingual background dialog so the whole mess just feels like holiday travels.

“Not a Late Night Train” from the album CHRISTMAS SPECIAL 2017 by Ann Eysermans is the back tracking weirdness of experimental pop. No idea what it’s supposed to be.

“Santa’scomin’baka’round!” by Toddiefunk yells out the rap like a black Paul Revere. It’s all good, it’s all celebration: Now after all the presents have been opened and the dinner consumed We’ll dance down a soul train line. Funk. E.

In toy trains N Scale is 1:160. That’s not very big.

Sqrrl! chant/sings a laundry list of Christmas symptoms for “Happy Merry Christmas.” Choo choo trains rhymes with candy canes. So it’s in. Kidsong.

Northwest Stories also chants their alt-pop, but it transforms “Christmas Eve” into mythic magic here. All the decorations are on display, And that Christmas train keeps chugging away–I will stay awake.

Krayko Breezy raps out how much he wants to be with his boo in his “Wishlist.” He even want to help her with the tree, put a train down below. But the rhythms have some stuttering impediment that makes me suspicious.

Slipping on the snowflakes, Chancellorpink takes on “The Christmas Snow.” Alt-pop with a touch of prog, challenges deep subject matter.

Lindsey Stirling turns gothic-Victorian mania into a “Snow Waltz.” Not exactly skiing, but this gorgeous violin opus needs more hits.

Hella Maze raps out “Skiing” with a bellowing set up. Drugs, violence, and winters in Europe. Mmmkay.

Aidan Mark expresses hyperbolic love falling in the easy going pop “Wishlist.” Since it happens to be the most wonderful time of the year, they’ll consummate with skating.

Johnny O gets even more middle of the road with his piano lounge “What Christmas is Meant to be.” This laundry list of seasonal symptoms provokes little nostalgia, no joy. Maybe a hmm.

Travis August (feat. Prestxn) applies soul to the standard list to uplift the material into the rap “Christmas & U.” Much better.

I love the fractured surf rock sound of Jon Bomb & The Humanoids (featuring Gnarly McDude & The Electric Sleds) in their “Surf Christmas.” Let’s play it again! (jk)

Beachfront Vinny does the odd parody with “The New Chanukah Song.” It’s–i think–a song listing people who don’t like surf rock. May i include this?

The Cuz don’t do the tourism biz any favors with their rollicking rap “Come to Straya.” This amateur bit of cleverness finally allows (after all the dangerous animals) that Santa might be surfing there ’round Xmas time. Long pointless outro.

Robert Boog has a less-than-impressive rap woe, that is born on Christmas Day. As an “Xmas Baby” no one celebrates him much, in fact it’s looking dismal: So I jog six blocks to my apartment Landlord lookin’ at me like he want the rent, Yank open the door and what a surprise–they’re all there to sing Happy Birthday! Yea!

Die Roten Rosen reggae juice up “Jingle Bells” just a BLUE ALERT bit, adding how I’m looking for a girl, I think you know the kind, The kind that makes you come six times by the end of your sleigh ride. Another Christmas miracle!

In the same rut, xKja slyly raps “All I Really Want,” which he feels he deserves since Been practicing these moves to use on you In different ways Put you in 6 positions baby… and BLUE ALERT.

The “Reason for the Season” is DCTalk’s reason to rap: The first six letters drop the why’s–Yo! c-h-r to the i-s-t. Old school (old schoolhouse rocks?) rap seems so juvenile these days. Learn!

Shy Boyz get BLUE ALERT righteous in “Master of Christmas.” See, that Santa/Jesus confusion is for the fools. He’s coming home swinging low In his chariot, six-winged seraphim karaoke Holy! Holy! Holy! they rap ironically. Wild words in this one, fellas.

“North of Heaven” is south of Hell warbles the vibrato of metal Gods Wisdom for their anti-carol. When I Was 6 Xmas Was Sixmas go the acid-washed hell-lyrics. Oh my.

From the parental POV Buck Owens gets old country bragging on his littlun’s Xmas wishlist, and i quote: Well, I’m-a gotta quit a-actin’ like a kid, I’m six years old and it’s time I did. Still, the lists asks for “One of Everything You Got.” You know, to make it easier on Santy.

Oh, When I was six years old All I wanted was Candy in the stocking, trills Johan Glidden in the precious pop of “Everything I Had.” See, he didn’t want much. Everything he wanted he already had. Like Jesus.

Also indoctrinated early is the young questioner in The Statler Brothers’ “Whose Birthday is Christmas?” It’s hard to understand in a big peoples’ land Especially if you’re six years old–is the cornball easy listening country rationale.

You want bourgeoise? Try Bette Midler barely making it though the ‘Home Alone 2’ love theme “Somewhere in My Memory.” Where in this memory? Memories of my childohood When I was 5, 6, and 7. On Christmas Day. A cry for help.

When does that Santa/Daddy betrayal hit? Is it so young?? Waiting for presents Christmas Eve, the main character in Kulina’s “Christmas Song” sees someone else stumble down to the Christmas tree. In his own words, his reward: I’m only six years old, I got nothing but coal. Somebody help this waif!

Perhaps the epiphany isn’t evil when you realize what Mama went through for ya. Now that I grew up, I’m the gift, ain’t that some–Every day it’s Christmas, when you’re Six, I’m too legit, raps 6LACk & Summer Walker in “Ghetto Christmas.” Heartfelt.

Julius Pe happy raps “Coming Home” to see the family. He’s so wiggly he claims, I feel like I am 6. Sweet! Too sweet! Stop with all the sweetness!

Your family?! Reality Student Ministry wants to invite you to “A Family Christmas.” Uncle Joe’s got 7 toes. Paul collects action figures. Mammy’s got hard sucking candy. Rap it!

el enigmA has a similar pitch wherein the family members are Different but together like a 7 layer salad. “Grateful” is a rap or reverence, however, while still smiling.

For others, the more the merrier: who’s at the door; I’m sure there’s room for 7 more; We’ll make some pallets on the floor… country drawl out Joey + Rory for “It’s Christmas Time.” Comfortable chaos under control.

Bitching on the bandwagon, Saucy Samurai Spice’s “Holly Jolly Saucy Samurai Christmas” bemoans the length of the season and all the folderol–but finally admits to a list: I just want a big fat tellie, Or can you give me seven crates of beer. The rocker ends on a happy note, so file in the nice cubby.

Jocie Denae gets flirty with “Hey Santa.” She’s rapping naughtily to that seven figure man to get what she wants. Better check that list twice.

This Christmas I call Jesus out by Carving a seven claims Sharks Teeth in the odd chanted “Star of the Morning.” Go with it.

Jolly rap from Hrkbrkblake, “Holiday Spirit” jounces around with trade and digs [I ain’t Roddy this ain’t 7 but just say what’s in the box], but makes the time worthwhile.