Category: rap

Drinking Christmas from now on is all booze, hooch, and spirits.

Eggnog fully loaded is the beginning of some memorable holiday get-togethers.

Starting out philosophically and stuck with rum, The Morning Squirrels keep one eye on the TV when they explain “The Eggnog Song.” Some killer guitar folking, but mind the memes boys.

Jumping ahead Canned Hamm can barely string their psychedelic pop lyrics together for “Rum and Eggnog.” Head hop holly humping huh what did he say.

Whiskey now for The Rockin’ Guys’ “Eggnog.” Hard, but southern, rocking about the aftermaths of dysfunctional family drinking.

Erica Perry twangs a bit ‘billy with her “Whiskey in My Eggnog.” Not so far gone yet, but anticipating going that far. Girl can sing.

For a change of taste Michael Hackbart, Maurice Johnson, and Elliot Live serve up “Vodka Eggnog.” Dissing whiskey results in some fun rhymes. These are nearly talented, sassy entertainers. I have to give it up for tart over talent.

And now the least worst of the fruitcake songs. The nut-laden finale–until we move on to the most popular baked Christmas sweet of them all.

Rum cake gets boxed in here, best portrayed in riddim by The Barefoot Man’s “Rum Cake.” Hic! Nearly is impressive is rumcakes.org’s “Rum Cakes.” Hypnotetically repetitive. And folky. Also mercantiley Lisa of Lisa’s Rum Cakes sings “Lisa’s Rum Cake Song” as a commercial for her seasonal product. Okay.

Back to our featured baked good.

12Stone Worship offers up Xian young men of the hiphop persuasion to praise the Christmastide, while side slamming our target with “Spread Love, Not the Fruitcake.” Fresh (yeah, without the exclamation point, tha’s wha-yime-sighin’). Big mixedmedia finish, though.

I’ve already squiched in Lauren Mayer’s “The Fruitcake That Ate New Jersey.” That was more than a year ago, so another song-story-time for this overbaked orchestration.

Finally a song parody about fruitcake! Master comic-caroler Dave Rudolf growls out “Fruitcakes for Christmas,” to ‘Silver Bells’ elvis style. Okay, mostly fun.

Pretty as twinkling lights is 1000 Clowns mellowly rapping “I Hate Fruitcake” available from all i can tell only on the KROQ Christmas fund-raiser. I don’t begrudge the boys hate when they sing like angels who were high.

Lots of nonstandard songs want to put you in the mood for c-food for the holidays. Hugging’ and a-kissin’ and crazy staring deep into the others’ eyes, yeah baby. That’s a celebrations. Don’t let me slow that down.

Nancy Wilson heats up “That’s What I Want for Christmas” with jazzy syncopation, listen to her hold THAT note–that’s for you, man. (Weird millennial update by Holly Golightly may be skipped.)

David Yang keeps it young with electronic dance hip hop. His “Christmas List” flirts with gimme gimme, then he scales it back, JK baby! It’s you, it’s love, it’s done!

Christmas Treasures don’t mince words: when they ask “What Will You Give Me for Christmas?” they have a short list. Love, of the elevator music variety (despite the Christ part there–i mean the song is asking what Christ wants for Christmas–whoa).

Love is honest, love is kind, love is hip hop… that is, when you rap love you better be sincere. Dogg Pound from Death Row Records is singing it straight in “I Wish.” (The wish, by the way, is for love. God’s love, mom’s love, y’all’s love.)

Mo’ rap, mo’ wrapping. These guys want it all. Quad City DJs (incl. 69 Boys, and K-nock) run it past ya (get a pencil!) with “What You Want for Christmas.” Catchy, hey.

Ever suspect only the slow can rap? Exhibit B: Krispy Kreme with his “Christmas Wish List.” Don’t forget what you learned about girls’ butts!

Self appointed rap master EKOH would like you to visit him on Facebook. If you are suspicious of yet another white dude busting’ a rhyme, try to keep up with his “Christmas List Rap” (nominally set to the theme music of the movie ‘Elf’). He even juggles.

If you haven’t drawn up your greedy agenda in columnar form yet, let me clue you, kid–IT’S TIME

To put you in the mood, let’s visit some motivational tallysheeting.

Invinceable has fun with “All I Want for Christmas (Is a Bangin’ Ass Beat).” They give rap a good name.

I previously had to mention Biggy G and K David as exemplary Iowans, but the strength of their “Christmas List Yo” is in the itemization. And dub step. Picture Kevin Smith and Bruce Campbell (younger) white-rapping to the run-down downtown with an OCD backbeat and you’ll have

How sad is it being an elf? Benny Grunch  reveals when “The Elves Finally Rap” that they mostly are unhappy with their stature, not their standing. Life can be cold when you live at the Pole.