Year-round Yuletide oddities
Now for the rough stuff.
“Who Mugged Santa?” does result in some jolly leg cast and merry missing toys. This odd Welsh kidsong from Carlton Lawrence with some dub step beats pulls no punches, or banjo strums–but there’ll be a happy ending if you can just hang on.
Who could throw a better party than St. Nick?!
Les Baxter’s Orchestra has the best standard here with big band beats in “Santa Claus’ Party.” Weee. (We’ve played this before.)
The Incredible Casuals admit the big guy sure knows how to party. Nawrleans down tempo jazzmunching in “Santa’s Gonna Party.”
Johnny Earle resurrects Elvis for “Santa’s Party.” Blues country cool.
Nick & Simon know everybody wants to go to “Santa’s Party.” So they get awfully pop about it.
Top prize at “Santa’s Rap Party” takes home the peppermint microphone. Super Jay gossips about how that jolly old elf is sizing up the ladies at his little get-together. Disco word jazz.
It takes two to tango, and maybe only two to make a warm Xmas party.
R Kelly wants ‘everyone around,’ but the R+B cool here is reserved for his baby. “Christmas Party” is full of orgasmic moaning.
Savanna Cole fronts Going Spaceward with a fun folk pop story of a possible meet cute at “The Christmas Party Song.” Aww, love. Call Hallmark! (But skip the post-song breakdown.)
Take a trip with me to Poke Music to hear Jessica Banks vamping up “Get This Christmas Party On.” Short, sultry, jazzy, seductive: worth it.
“Christmas Party” for Blowfly is all naughty. Disco Motown is non-stop profanity, but it comes to a satisfying end. Santa B Nastee.
Who’s coming to your Xmas party? Is it X?
Bevil Joseph is ridin’ the riddim with the parang “Christmas Party.” Lots of glory hallelujahs and heavenly name-dropping for the loosey goosey gettin’ down.
JustPierre preaches with their rap “Christmas Party.” Ain’t no party like a Holy Ghost party. The after party is Easter.
The chaos and madness of battle can drive us up the Walmart. The War on Christmas has befuddled a few.
“If There’s a War on Christmas (Christmas is Winning)” teeter totters us around the room with gleeful showtune childishness from Lauren Mayer. Oh, yes, she is Jewess. I think that’s part of it.
Macarone sultry raps out “The War on the War on Christmas.” I can dance to it, but i can’t follow the soul train of thought. (BLUE ALERT)
Get your adult coloring books out! Purple Christmas and orange Christmas and grey Christmas–it’s all in song!
Kick off with a bang. Grammarchist gets political with “Mr. Red Christmas” a Communist take on the ‘Year Without’ groovy tune. Make allowances for the experimental nautre of it all and we’ll be fine.
Gary Wu’s “Red Sleigh” is a pretend metal tribute to urban carnage in Santa’s name. Oh, you.
Dr. BLT addresses crop failure with his “Orange Christmas.” We’ll allow it, because of the funkiness therein.
And then he comes back with “That was Before Our Christmas Turned Blue.” The blues. Duh.
Marvin Gaye soothes our blues with “Purple Snowflakes.” Yes, it’s better than John Legend doing it. (Too pretty.)
Back to Dr. BLT with the best in color. “Black Santa” is a spoken word-rapped ‘White’-backed racially tense situation, diffused with humor.
The holiday intercourse may be announced as fact. Surrender to the male imperative.
Poetically, Greg & Brian mix metaphors in the inuendo laden “Yule Log.” It’s down and dirty, but with a medieval dancing beat.
FunnyMike freestyles his “Merry Christmas” about what he’s going to do to specific body parts on you. There’s a rhythm method.
Will Nunziata (feat. Amy Fitts) embodies the Disney princess (cable sitcom verzh) who must have the sex in “Jingle Jingle: A Dirty Christmas Song.” Santa raps countrapoint to her pop lollying.
Reggie Watts levels with all y’all that “Christmas is for Fucking.” Sensual R+B rap. Get it on.
It’s no thing. Just sex. For Christmas.
Bantam Rooster plugs in to punk up “Let’s Just Fuck for Christmas.” He’s all shouty but still cool about it all.
One of the beauties about the hip hop culture is how mattafact it is. Mr. Crumbsnatcher proposes (in light rapping rhymes) “All I Want for Christmas is to Fuck Hella Bitches.” And that’s off the list.
We’ve slapt the rap up one side of the wellspring of profanity and down the motherfunding other. There’s always room for more boxed in ghetto rage. ‘Specially for the holidayz.
Fortunato climbs the rhymes over bitches, riches, and absinthes with “Fuck Christmas.” It’s smarter than the average dawg.
The slow roll from Earl Sweatshirt, Tyler The Creator, Hodgy Beats harmonize the quiet crazy Xmas madness. “Fuck This Christmas” is not a song so much as a manifesto. Find me an exit!
Fabolous fronts the part, but as part of Funny or Die “I Don’t F*#k with Christmas” is a rappin’ carol of selfish childishness. I’m thinking funny hip hop, but… overall die.
So you love Christmas, i mean really love Christmas. So what’re you going to do, sing?
Hovey Benjamin of Funny or Die demonstrates with “I Fucking Love Christmas.” Rap comedy, of ‘the fireplace is lit’ variety. Mostly listing.
Kiwi Matt Mulholland goes beyond the pale with his white rapping “I Fucking Love Christmas.” Nasty boy, nasty boy, whatch goin’ tadoo–?