Year-round Yuletide oddities
How hard is it to corral the kids Xmas Eve?
Annette Funicello and Tommy Sands croon to children “Go to Sleep.” It’s from a sort-of Christmas musical, so it gets in.
“Jingle Jingle Bling Bling” is Youth on Track’s rap about Eve prep. The kids need to sleep gets put on a loop.
Kj52 & Spechouse want to know: Do You Not Know How to Sleep?! in the hilarious parental meltdown “Go to Bed.” Rap fun with Jingle Bells influences.
As others go to sleep, Secret Sinclair’s would like to be “Where You are (Is Where I’d Like to Be).” Hey, i just said that. Lugubrious folk pop.
Cher shares the stage with Stevie Wonder for “What Christmas Means to Me.” Going to sleep is one of those things. Soul stirred pop.
Mista Ben Hood raps it out. “Ready for the Holidays” tells you to Go To Sleep. It’s the reason for the season.
Santa? Is that you?
“Santa Man Comin Down Your Chimney” (Original) by John Band’s Family Ham is a disco garage effort to sneak Krampus into your house.
Birthing Stirrups warns you to COVER UP YOUR CHIMNEY in their electronic ditto machine of “Krampus Grill.” I’ll leave you to get to it.
Scrooge gets fingered in “Krampus in ur Chimney,” an odd mix of movie samples, rap, and silliness from The Snowflakes.
Hey, kids! Look to the skies! Or, if you’re indoors, look to the chimney! It’s Xmas!
“Santa’s Coming Down the Chimney” is ‘O Susana’ from The Golden Orchestra. If you were a kid, you’d like it. Raffi tries this, too. Unplugged!
The Land Band (a dad with kids) welcome the Red Express with their “Down the Chimney” pop kidsong. Pretty straightforward.
Gill Henry Durant raps about being a kid and needing that peek up “The Chimney.” Doubt dissolves with visual evidence. Or was it all a dream?
Again? I overlooked L M Azpiazu’s original “A Christmas Tango” (about celebrating JC’s Bday, when it first posted the updated “A Christmas Tango (With Santa).” Both’re sexy Latin music, only the latter is about fatter men.
Lala Deaton torches up the night before with all her fussing over kissing ‘cuz “I’ve Got a thing for Santa.” Seems he’s got a thing for her as well. Look out.
Throwing Muses has some trouble focusing. In their “Santa Claus” the object of affection reminds me of Santa Claus. Then there’s a lot of running. Wild club indie.
Elfie with the Christmas Workshop Band freestyles the aberrant, lisping “Love You Santa” with abandon. Now we’re getting to the novelty of it all.
Blue Powerade Boys sardonically have a bone to pick with all the crap going on. “I am Samta” seems like the reasonable epicenter of blame. Plucky clucky indie.
Also sus as Big Red is AronChupa & Little Sis Nora’s BLUE ALERT character “I’m the Santa Claoz.” Some fun EDM Euro-pop.
Santa Churn is rapped about in “Winter Wonderland” by Homie Churn (feat. Henry The Barbarian). Some dis and BLUE ALERT bleeping.
Jackie B is the strip club owner in ‘The Great American Trailer Park Christmas Musical.’ When he lounge lizards the bluesy “Baby, I’ll be Your Santa Claus” you might want to reconsider your life choices.
“Santa Bibby” is also rapped about this time by K Bibbles. He seems nicer.
Foster Gray & The JJs insists “Santa is an Arsonist.” Evidence? He brings coal! Unplugged garage fooling around.
Arne Åsmund uses cowboy pop to prove in “X to the Masses” that Santa rose in the criminal ranks from lowly drug runner to strung out street person.
“Santa’s Got the Munchies” folk pops Jet Baker, implying some irresponsibility on the part of that important delivery system. Better get more cookies!
Protesting too much Charlie Stewart electro-countries “Santa Claus Ain’t a Hippie.” Hey, isn’t protesting what hippies do?
Neil Halstead covers Fountains of Wayne’s “The Man in the Santa Suit” with pathos the original didn’t have. Ah, the futility of Santa in a modern age!
Fruitcakes (give it a moment to start…) parodies “Santa Claus is Coming” with a trip to ‘The Price is Right’ to win a new sleigh. Makes him look like a dummkopf.
Nor does Dianna Corcoran take the “Funny Little Fat Guy” in a red suit seriously. Serious country rock, though. Stalking much?
D’modes undermines the whole thing in “The Silly Season.” Swinging pop criticism that STARTS with Santa. Rated M.
Benny Grunch & The Bunch point around the back of the neighborhood ’cause “Santa and His Reindeer Used to Live Rite Here.” Cajun rap. This is good stuff.
Worth repeating: BLUE ALERT “Santa Don’t Bring Gifts To Assholes” is the pop proclamation from Paul Mauled and the Furious Elves. You should probably heed this dictum.
Vera Lyn takes us back to the 1930s when swearing wasn’t as much a lyrical go-to. “The Little Boy That Santa Claus Forgot” is a big band ode to poor kids. Sad stuff. She originated this number, but Nat King Cole is no slouch at underplaying the bathos and making a real story out of it.
The world premiere cast of Nuncrackers–The Nunsense Christmas Musical gets down home with “Santa Ain’t Comin’ to Our House.” It’s a knee-slappin’ hoe-downin’ uplift to children’s tragedy.
Hard rock from The Swingin’ Neckbreakers declares “Santa Claus ain’t Comin’ This Year.” Sound like someone’s on the disability.
The Eraserheads alt rock that “Santa Ain’t Comin’ No Mo” because he’s sick. Throw your stocking out the window!
717Erb raps casually how “Santa Ain’t Coming.” That’s it. No show.
When my baby can’t be with me then, well, “Santa Can’t.” Big band evolves into rap then just mashes up. Brought to you by 0July Moon (feat. Kristen & Ryanne).
Mimi Teddy synths the voice to become kidsong, but it’s so scary. “Merry Christmas to You” recounts block chain problems, reindeer retardation, and how Santa Claus is waiting for his beard to regrow; His barber shaved it off by mistake a month ago. Nightmare!
Previously, it was an honor to share Joel Samberg’s “Holiday Shaving Cream,” a holidaytion of the old Benny Bell classic (as heard on the Dr. Demento Show throughout the ’70s).
Da ADR Crew update that with the rapping “Santa’s Shaving Cream.” Short and… shaving cream.
Just enough time for some last bits.
Turns out when we Mommy kissing Santa Claus, Daddy found out and got his gun. “Santa, Run!” is the rocking hijinks that ensue from Reckless Renegade.
On the BLUE ALERT side Javeth [ft. Nova Omari] decide to “Kill Santa” with a Nerf gun. Angry yet silly rap.
Standing ready Svvamp VVillies amateur pops “Santa Glock.” Stocking-ed and loaded.
It’s a bad scene when “Santa’s Got A Gun,” the suspenseful pop number by Roger Oddcock. Take cover.
Pretty retro pop from The JAC about the boy who said “I Saw Santa with a Gun.” Trauma is the gift that keeps on giving.
Harm’s Way metal raps “Santa’s Been Drinkin and He’s Got a Gun!” Seems to celebrate more than warn, but ’tis the season.
Buy more guns, that’s my New Years resolution, raps Onyx (feat. Mad Lion) in the BLUE ALERT “Ahhh Year.” Looking forward, with a laser site.