WHAT ELSE? Epiphany Sequel

Back to our regularly scheduled savior: Epiphany is a Christian feast day that celebrates the revelation of God incarnate as Jesus Christ, celebrated sometime after the New Year.

Christmas is that birthday moment, but the three wise men showed up later. And after that John the Baptist did his thing. So, the holy deal is a moment somewhere further along the calendar.

Let’s have a song!

Melissa McCrory gives it her all with the wandering gospel of “Epiphany Song.” It’s the thought that counts.

Martin Little’s amateur hymn “Epiphany Song” is just as off key. But sincere. That’s what matters.

Let’s call in the troops. The Epiphany of Our Lord Centenial Liturgy get down and Gregorian with their “Epiphany Song.” Now i get it.

Raising up to the rafters, Raymond Egan leads the congregation with his “Epiphany Hymn.” Soaring.


Some Midwinter carols honor the thing that makes a woman a mother.

Triune goes to the trouble of rewriting “Joy to the World” in order to welcome the Sun Child. Who’s the intended audience here?

The lord of all green (Pan? Herne? Cernunnos?) gets a jolly strum from Damh the Bard with “A Pagan Yule.” Dance, or no springtime! (Jethro Tull-ic to mine ear.)

Ravens run a round of familiar melody with their “Solstice Carol.” Honor the sun, the son, and the sound. Medievalism for kids.

Joseph LoDuca conducts the nearly on-key kids with “Solstice Night,” a paean to the switch of seasons that’s at once haunting and also annoying. (It’s also featured in season 2 of Xena Warrior Princess.)

It’s All Relative, from afar

Nothing measures love like the cost of a plane ticket. Will you travel ALL the way over the river AND through the woods to get to the Christmas jubilee at PeePaw’s and MeeMaw’s? Well, then you win Best Child, ya ol’ prodigal, you.

Some of those out-of-towners ain’t so welcome, y’see. Duck Logic Comedy counsel you with folksy patience in “An Extended Family Christmas.” Who are all these weirdos?

Just as twisted, the elderly reunion of Olivia Newton John and John Travolta for Christmas in the country pop “I Think You Might Like It” is as authentic as her lips and his orientation. Ooky.

Soul directs Ron Tyson to appreciate the whole pack when he croons “I’m Gonna be with My Family for Christmas.” Finger popping and doo-doo-dooing ensues. (And tears.)

Modern folk gospel sets the scene for Vincent Knight’s “Family Christmas.” This honest prayer of returning home is sad, sweet, and solemn.

It’s All Relative, not enough

It could always be worse. Too much family for Christmas! How ’bout NO family for Christmas? Even Scrooge had a nephew came to say hey.

Now, it is possible to make millions with a kid who wants NO family. The Gregory Brothers songify a brilliant bit “The Home Alone Song.” Hilarity intones.

Cam Clarke, the voice of a million cartoon characters, showcases the orphan’s showtune “Family” from the cartoon feature ‘Night Before Christmas: Songs from Enchanted Tales.’ Pretty sad.

What’s rougher than orphanism ’round the holidays? Having to hear about it from pop country sermonizers! Newsflash Singers tell you when you to cry with “I Want a Family for Christmas.” The kid’s con works pretty well… i mean, happy endings for all!

Steven Curtis Chapman plays the little tough orphan who hopes for redemption. “All I Really Want for Christmas” is gospel pop with a better guiding hand on the heartstrings.

It’s All Relative, activities

Can’t play games ’til all the family members up. Let’s play!

Bad families have their own button-pushing to get done, certainly. I hesitate to mention Robert Earl Keene‘s big holiday hit as it strikes me as an accepted number in the Christmas canon. So, i’ll turn on Julie Sobule’s cover as it eases off the beatbox rhythm and adds just a touch of heart (and not just ‘cuz it’s HER brand of ciggies). “Merry Christmas from the Family” to alt-country your novelty needs (and the next to happy ending).

Beginners hearken to Banyan Global Learning, whose “Family Christmas Song” will teach you customs and the English language too. Kids pop.

Anita Wilson sashays some middle of the road soul with “Family Christmas.” This is some tribute to heart-warming fun, y’all. And, i suspect, karaoke will be proposed.

Naomi Hooley pounds on the ol’ pianner with some upbeat churchy country assigning roles in her “Family Christmas.” Her loving managing might make this the best ever holiday. I’m in.

ReduXmas: Jeeze!

With all the great music out there for our holiday’s founder (CFO: Santa, natch), i attempted to collate honorariums with ironies about that baby. Great songs are harder to find. So let’s party like we don’t believe!

First off, “Jesus Christ! It’s Your Birthday Again” reminds Wendell Ferguson with comic country timing. But who’s counting?

Jesus the Reindeer” by Emmy the Great and Tim Wheeler plays havoc with myth-understanding the reason for the trees and candy. Fun alt.

Kids say the darnedest things. The Creek Church out of nowhere Kentucky took what kids said and made a soul-filled noel to Jesus with “I’ve Seen a Turtle Barf.” You gotta. Just look.

And Ages lectures us that Jesus is the “Reason for the Season (You Dig?)” with their garage folk. Otherwise, it’d be Bhudda-mas or Mohammed-mas. Yeah. Not so, like, holy.

Steven Courtney, as JC, allows “Jesus is the Star” and asks for a candy bar. Crazy R+B pop.

Smoky country from Three Day Threshold & Summer Villains proclaims “The Ballad of Baby Jesus,” like he’s a cowboy or sumpin.

Celebrationally, Holidelic funk up the partay with “Nativitay.” Take notes, the whole, cool deal is dealt with.

Reverentially, American Mars pop folks “The Little Baby Jesus” with just the right amount of woo woo country train sounds ushering in the new born.

Best of parody: The Withers land their song about the highway to the “Manger Zone,” a tease of Kenny Loggins’s 1986 ‘Top Gun’ hit song. With guitar solo. And sass.

Oddest is Barnes and Barnes Sunday schooling “Jesus is Groovy.” Full of faux pas (‘never cross…’ ‘get behind me and help me sing this song…’ ‘he really turns me on…’).

I also enfolded the fam for the whole birthing scene. “Proud Mary” by Watkins and the Rapiers wonders what Mary’s take on the whole Advent was. Not a Tina Turner parody. Well, not actually. Kind of.

Take a Card: soft gospel

Kumbaya, it’s not far from folk song to small circle church music. Actual gospel should raise the roof and shake the foundations of your assumptions.

Some lite-country music is so singsongy and single-minded that it should only be played for small gatherings–Amen! Paul Walden’s “A Penny Christmas Card” drawls a direct line from the card to you and God. Yahweh-Haw.

But Blaise Manino gives us a sweet often on-key flip through some “Christmas Cards” focusing on the message ‘Be Good,’ which i guess beats out ‘be a good song.’