Year-round Yuletide oddities
A homeless person singing about home is touching enough to almost count as a Christmas song. When the show spawns a thousand hipsters and the pop/folk song is sung by Lemonheads’ Juliana Hatfield, then we must pay attention–quick–before the character freezes to death. “Make it Home” in its entirety here. On the show here:
These furry sapsters began as greeting cards, then movie stars. But they did have a TV series.
Oh, and a holiday album (or more): Care Bears Christmas (1982), and then the worse Holiday Hugs and Care Bears: Christmas Eve (both 2004).
Tiny tots may smile for “Holiday Hugs” and its smothering perkiness, but i find it analogous to being beaten with kittens.
“Christmas in Care-a-Lot” strives for more hep jazz, but comes off like a porkpie hat on a pile of feathers.
“Have a Merry, Merry Christmas” faux-rocks lamely enough to make me want to watch The Wiggles.
The original album
scores higher as a 13 minute story for kids to listen to, despite its arrival BEFORE the Saturday morning cartoon. The “Christmas Theme”
borrows from their own theme, but “Happy Christmas Time”
and “Here Comes Christmas” are a sloppy grinning hippie hug of family folk warmth.
More unearthly creatures who never heard of Christ get into the spirit.
Let’s call this minute-long folk pop mess “Christmas Spirit” because the title ‘He-Man Christmas song’ doesn’t do us any good.
The holidays include more than Christmas, as many other cultures get holy-rolly this time of year for their own simpatico reasons.
Thus we include a mention to the Wiccan-mystic underground fantasy creatures who worry about the big bell overhead. “The Bells of Fraggle Rock” mentions no Santa, no JC, no mistletoe… but it is in the spirit of the season relying on faith–not proof.
Spin off of a spin off, this eight season working class manifesto launched some careers. Penny Marshall later directed “Big.” Cindy Williams went on to be a professional guest star. David Lander developed Multiple Sclerosis. Michael McKean collected several Oscar and Emmy nominations.
The latter two as Lenny and Squiggy gave us some musical mirth, including “The Jolliest Fat Man,” an expose of ’60s folk which reveals how gruesome iconoclasm can be.
I’m disallowing musical revue shows, of which the ’60s are replete. No Andy Williams, Dean Martin, or even Red Skelton. But some shows do feature the musical adventures of fictional folk, so they loophole in.
The Monkees only lasted a couple years (1966-1968) so not much Christmas music. One of their missteps was the 3/4 reunion song from a mid-‘seventies album, “Christmas is My Time of Year.” All of the pop, with none of the counterculture they were known for.
One novelty, however, is the 16th Century villancico, “Riu Chiu.” This Spanish song celebrated the kingfisher bird chasing the wolf away from the Virgin Mary right around nativity and had been popularized previously by The Kingston Trio. But these fake musicians shine here with their unaccompanied angelic harmony for this episode.
While The Brady Bunch has their own TV family Christmas album, it’s all traditional music, nothing the least novel.
The Partridge Family‘s Christmas album almost suffers the same fate, but includes one original: “My Christmas Card to You.” It features David Cassidy thinking of and singing to you (and family). Swoon.
Reactions to bad presents vary: disappointment, disappointment, rage, disappointment.
Okay, and light regret. Marc Sardou visits the materialistic guilt that might make you a nongiftarian in “What Gifts You See.” I’m not falling for this humanitarianism!
Another Taylor Swift parody (‘Bad Blood’) twisted into”Bad Gift.” Thanks, Bella Godiva.
What you really want to do is “Keep the Receipt (This Christmas).” The Bad Detectives go folk rock classy and make me tap the toe. You should be writing this down….
Lil Poverty Angels are back with “Fake Reactions to Bad Christmas Gifts.” Spoken this time. Then “How to Return Christmas Gifts.” Finally “Infamous Christmas Regifters.” Life hacks!
Certainly those are better than the drawling doddering Bob Blake with attempted country music in “Christmas Gift Returns.” I’d like to exchange this song, please.
Garfunkle and Oates get gnarly with “Present Face.” Knowing them, this is like orgasm face but worse. Sprightly folk.
The object of presents for Christmas is the name on the tag.
Chorale from de Caribbean a la 1955 outlines a husband’s troubles with “Christmas Present for Sallie.” It’s scurrilous alcoholic behavior by black men. (Yogi Yorgesson addressed this, too, y’know.) You do the math for the entertainment value here.
Bill Engvall also goes for the cliches with the talky country rock “A Gift that She Doesn’t Want.” It’s hard to be a hubby. (Hey, when he gives autographs, does he say ‘Here’s your sign’?)
Spending for the wife is so easy, why not sing about it! The Connection brag about “Money Honey Baby,” even though she says she doesn’t really want anything. Retro rock with a dash of ‘billy. A-huh.
Also reductivist, Brock Hires worries about “A Present for Hobo Bill,” who doesn’t have much to wear. (Lots of men’s wives got this problem.) Giving fulfills the liberals. Honky tonk mediocrity.
Alt rock for the insiders, “Christmas Shopping for Dobby” by Harry and The Potters shrills about the irony of getting clothes for Christmas, and yet how meaningful that can be. Hmm.
An alt-pop love song, “A Christmas Gift for Iris” awakens the need in me to listen to obscure ’70s Brit rockers who tried solo albums to little effect. Arne Hansen & The Guitarspellers acquit themselves beuatifully.
Just as lovestruck, Too Much Joy sings “Ruby Left a Present Underneath My Christmas Tree” altrock i’ve mentioned before. (Doesn’t matter what it is, i guess.)
Hard-working folk music from Robin Lee Berry celebrates “Woody\’s Christmas Present.” A time travel epic about rediscovering childhood wonder. Get ready to cry.
Weird songs don’t scare me. But i do worry i won’t categorize them correctly for you, the viewer. But here are songs I THINK sing about the gift of you/love for the holidays.
Girl Ray celebrate you and it (Christmas) with a breathy tin pan alley pop piece, “[I Wish I were Giving You a Gift] This Christmas.” Angry love, but hauntingly cool.
“Christmas Gift” by Mick Keogh (feat. Nicola Creighton) is Asian influence pop with sped up vocals and nonsense lyrics. It must be love.
Love love love Chris Farren’s folk Brit rock “Like a Gift from God or Whatever.” Not particularly religious, but hella fun. And i detect a loving feeling.
So sweet come the Christmas songs about the real present for you, even i submit. (Not made of stone, people.)
If we’re talking cornball, i should point out that overly sentimental does not a poor musical decision make–songs can be fine while pouring on the sugar. Cultural footnote Don Ho goes soulful with “The Christmas Gift” (not a wise choice in backup singer, though).
A bit young, but also soulful, Victoria Majors croons “Present for Christmas” for that special boy (under 20, i presume).
Not exactly the velvet fog, Jeff Meegan really cools “Let Her Gift be Me.” Jazz you can snuggle to.
Neal and Leandra have a quiet young parents moment in their unplugged folk “The Present.” Play it quietly after rest of all the family is down and you’re alone with that certain someone.