Treermendous Holiday Fun: What the Ficus?!

I’m coming around to the idea that some of these Christmas Tree entitled songs are jumping on the log truck bandwagon and have nothing to do with celebrating the holidays after all.

Or i can’t tell what the sap they’re talking about.

But i like the songs.

Mattie D’s “Christmas Tree” overwhelms us with percussive urgency.

Mike Red & Rai P sample off the ‘Home Alone’ movies. “Christmas Trees” lays the angry rhymes down. BLUE ALERT

Word jazz accompanied by experimental jazz (it almost tells a story…) “Black Christmas Tree” somehow from Midget Handjob. Enter at your own risk.

Christmas Tree” from Romantic Beats may be trying to trick us, but the angelic distortion of pop music lulls me to confused submission. Ahhh.

Thinking about what passes for reality, Love Tractor claims “I’m Not Afraid of a Christmas Tree.” Latin psychedelia, so: hunh?

Under the Bodhi Tree torture their “Pink Christmas Tree” with grinding club rock. But what in the dickens is it?

Does anyone sing along with metal? Twitch’s “Christmas Tree” has an angry punk message (i think) but mostly keeps time (to me). You try it.

Ditto for amped punk. EXTREME BLUE ALERTChristmas Tree Farms” by way of Snag spews vitriol, and i guess some December framework.

180! Light gentle jazz pop from The Pearlfishers intoning some Rod McKuen-style poetic sloppiness with “A Christmas Tree in a Hurricane.” Like a musical intro for a ’80s sitcom.

Also tender, Borderline Beauty (which seems to associate the growth with peace) cries out for “Christmas Tree Without an Oh.” Folk rock on a mission to change the world through poetry.

Guy Capecelatro III has a concept album (Abandoned Christmas Trees) about existential angst which ticks off the Christmas boxes. “Chainsaw” is a folk charmer about failures. “Tinsel” bemoans our futility with experimental rock. Now go take drugs.

I even looked up the lyrics for “Barcarola (You Must be a Christmas Tree),” but it stumps me yet. Sufjan Stevens is the troubadour of trial and error.

Fun rock from Women’s Christmas who regale us with “Pissing in the Trees.” Not Christmas, p’raps, but a party song of enormous proportions.

Cardinal tells a song of hopeful love in “If You Still Believe in Christmas Trees.” Symphonic ’70s rock. No trees are discussed.

Underground blues from the UK, the chatty The Sensational Alex Harvey Band detail the crime spree gone bad in “There’s No Lights on the Christmas Tree Mama, they’re Burning Big  Louie Tonight.” I get the story, more than in The Stagger Rats cover, but why o why the tree?!

When the lyrics talk about losing all friends, i think i know the category for the song, but Vengaboys are so party-strange with Uncle John dying and reggae-disco beats… i give up. “Where did My Christmas Tree Go?” is for you to figure out.

Short and sweet Laura Watling’s “Christmas Trees in July” pop tinkles across the dance floor.

Jumping Through Fiery Hoops also coopts our topic oddly. “Working on a Christmas Tree Farm” is psychedelia with a folk bent and flashfast imagery to corrupt your status quo. Whoa.

I’ve listened to “Christmas Tree” by Bewitched Hands on Top of Our Heads several times and i know it’s about something, but i don’t care. Chorale rock. Art qua art, dudes.

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: Time for Another Scotch Pine

When pure evil tragedy strikes around Christmas, what better scapegoat than that thing you spent all day doting on and bejeweling?

In fact, that thing might be a diabolical doorway to demonicry. “Christmas Tree from Hell” reminds us of two important issues: buyer beware, and ‘God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen’ is a scary melody. Listen with the lights on to Bah & The Humbugs.

They hurt me! Kill them all! is Paulette’s “Christmas Trees” message. Talky folk, but oh my.

Metaphorsing metaphors, Bree Lucas compares you to the lack of comparison. “You Couldn’t Compare, Christmas Tree” is front room folk by a powerful talent about a terrible thing that happened.

The emptiness around this time of year coalesces for JJ Voss with “Whiskey, the Tree, and Me.” (As previously posted) it’s scotch o’clock for country rock.

Six Billion Lights (On the World’s Biggest Christmas Tree)” makes a bummer out of living. Derek A. Dempsey and Nicole Lynch point to each person on the Earth and, in military country pop, allow that we all suffer. So, Christmas. You’re welcome.

Islands plink and doot-doo through “Christmas Tree” with alt folk philosophy… oh, you know what’s coming! Bad stuff (coffins, oppression, misunderstanding).

Orbit emplys some simple rock and not so simple word salad for “A Christmas Carol.” Get a load of the refrain. Damn. Suicide prevention hotline, please.

Okay, not so holidaysical, but “Christmas Tree Bridge” leans on the irony of the awful tragedy of losing a parent with the most family of phrases. Yikes. What sick folk is this?! BLUE ALERT

The Vandals want to kill two birds and “Hang Myself from the Christmas Tree.” Indie folk rock. Get comfy, this is a long one.

Perhaps homicide? “Murder by Christmas Tree” is a short metal ode to how to get away with murder from Santa’s Angry Elves. I don’t like them when they’re angry.

Next? “Bury Me by the Roots of a Christmas Tree” pop punk Agent Pazz. It’s such cute nihilism. BLUE ALERT

Time to give up! Life is too awful. Let’s buy the “Christmas Tree” with Kiki Bohemia and her cheap electronic hypnotic singsongery to show our despair. Bleak, black, blecch.

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: Fruits of Your Labors

Step back, take a look… it’s your Christmas Tree! There it is! Yea!

What do i mean by simply feting the tall, green thing? Listen to The Harry Simeone Chorale singing “Christmas Tree.” A bit south pacifican, but all soulful about that beautiful tree!

Open it up, and there you are. Experimental doowop from M G Whit in the form (?) of “We Got a Christmas Tree.” This head-scratcher celebrates love, god, and everyone with modulated gospel.

What–are we just sitting here! Yes, we are! Just waiting a-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-round the “Christmas Tree,” as piped by Eliane Chappuis. Surreal pop.

Doug Carman tinkles those jazz ivories in mesmerizing rhapsody for “Christmas Tree.” The summation of holiday joy through tree-gazing is part experimental Beatles, part Allman Brothers.

Kerr Donnelly Band feel their way through “Star, Snow, & Christmas Trees.” It’s trembling country running in place about how delightful the whole scene is. Hearing it… not feeling it….

Gentle folk ballad show stopper time. Arlon Bennett leans into family values with “The Christmas Tree on Salem Street.” All the traditional symbology is marched through in a sweet way.

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: Lights, Carolers, Ascension!

Don’t just let that tree set there… decorate!

Warbling like his string needs a fuse checked Randy Bryant & The Rockets jazz down “Christmas Tree Lights (Sparkle So Bright)” to no one in particular (well, some loved one).

Ruby Wright gets gospel on it (with so many children) (in 1957) with “Let’s Light the Christmas Tree.” Each twinkle gets her closer to Thee.

Winterval go deeper with “Hang the Lights on the Tree.” Alt rock navel gazing of the slow-dance persuasion.

Love me some Sufjan Stevens. When he begins his holiday chore list with “Put the Lights on the Tree,” he’s only getting started. Get your pencil ready–

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: String Trimmer

You’ve got the tree–now what?

The Tavson Brothers take a minute to take it all in–what a country/western responsibility! “Let’s Set Up the Christmas Tree” is a sentimental journey for empty nesters, even with some missteps. Don’t pay these assemblers by the hour.

Dougie Bear folks the zydeco with “My Christmas Tree.” He just wants to put it up for everyone to see.

And trimming… is that cutting off or adding to?

Let’s Trim the Christmas Tree” is an insistent dance-jazz number from Jim Hudak. He’s had a lot of coffee and wants it done soon.

OF COURSE we need to add some pazookas and muzzle fuzz: “Trim up the Tree” gets the honorary mention from the ‘Grinch’ cartoon of 1966.

Jack Haskell fronts the Les Brown Band out of 1946 for “When You Trim Your Christmas Tree.” Square, but classy.

The whole process from star to song takes place in “Christmas Tree” by the tick-tock folk of Reid & Jamie. Inspiring.

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: Tree’s Company

There are so many trees when you realize how many people want one.

Chris McCree by the Christmas Tree” is a pop rock thrasher from Councilpop about meeting that special someone by the special someplace. Over here!

Porter Wagoner gets talky with a letter to Santy asking for “Johnny’s Christmas Tree.” The twangy country makes me wonder, doesn’t he have trees right outside? Aw, give the kid a miracle.

Sally Go ‘Round the Christmas Tree” merely calls out square dancing moves, but Ingrid DuMosch adds spirit.

Much more melodically, The Johnny Mann Singers get intimately chorale with “Johnny Bring the Pine Tree in.” Uplifting… and that smell!

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: Tree Topper

Then there are the BEST Christmas trees ever. Not so many of these.

Starshine Singers meld mites’ voices together to find “The Perfect Christmas Tree.” There it is.

The Perfect Christmas Tree” becomes a mighty symbol for The Hot Buttered Elves. It will solve all problems, make nights bright, change you tires in the snow… i guess. Experimental alt folk, with a nihilistic edge– gets bloody.

Jesus gives the sacrifice so The Worship Crew can have “The Perfect Tree.” That might give them an edge in the neighborhood competition. Pop gospel.

Jonah Knight gives us the dance number we need, not the dance number we want. “Perfect Tree” rambles on millennial style about broken dreams and trouble with the cops. But it’s party music.

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: Root Seller

The game to find the Christmas tree smacks of beauty contest. We judge. But with budgetary constraints, sometimes the trees falter, tremble, and– TIMBER!!

I know, i know… you’re thinking Charlie Brown. But what about little Johnny’s love for the crooked mutt sung about in Tim Lafleche’s “The Naked Little Christmas Tree“? Actually, it IS the same moral: a little love (and a lot of decorations) will beautify anything. (And the gifts matter more, anywho.)

A Skinny Little Christmas Tree” cries take me home via the Quinto Sisters. It’s ’64 the fun for pop children’s music.

Al Jarreau sings to “The Little Christmas Tree” ’cause he does appreciate it and wants it. Oh, it’s like his kid… Now i’m not so sure.

The scary mutant of the bunch might be “Crummy Christmas Tree” from The Superions. Lite pop with a Schroeder-style toy piano accompaniment, but watch out for the sad ending.

Mafia and Fluxy make that “Little Christmas Tree” sound like someone special with their reggae.

The Stargazers have that song you may have heard as a kid, “A Little Fir Tree.” The whole forest chips in to help… than Santa shows up… well, you’ll just have to tune in to find out what’s next.

Eddy Gober attempts the country music scene with his gargling “My Broken Christmas Tree.” Poor cripple won’t ever have a home, until….

Tyler Meacham sells the sad apartment dweller’s holiday centerpiece with “Pathetic Little Christmas Tree.” It’s adorable folk with just a soupçon of jazz. And so is she.

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: Pining for the Woods

Where dey at? I want a tree, how do i find one?!

Aiko Tomi’s gentle tympanic pop guides us through the quest with “Christmas Tree.” She’s at home with her soaring range.

Tom Paxton’s got a plan for the family and explains how “We are Going to Get Our Christmas Tree.” It’s kiddie doggerel, but i can’t stop listening… and it seems to never end.

The Christmas Kids detail “The Christmas Tree Search” by some elves (sounds like ‘Jack and Jill’ to me), but dig that bass bridge.

Bluegrass sounds like family! Bud’s Collective downhomes “Daddy’s Christmas Tree” so you know what his childhood was really like. Watch out, they don’t always get their tree in the same way. The message muddles.

Eric and Paul, The Jacobsen Brothers weave a honky tonk hope of romantic aspirations with “I Want a Real Christmas Tree.” I want more songs like this.

Also garage pop fun is “Going to Get the Tree” from Maxwell, Miranda, Parsely. Classic Christmas carol done party-right.

Karin Hovey soothes with melodic folk. “Family Christmas Tree” is a Robert Frost-style reminiscence over the hills. It’s the fiddlin’ makes you cry.

No better instruction than the outsider telling you how he’s imitating your traditions… Jonathan Mann explains this better with “Jewish Family Gets Christmas Tree from the Woods.” Plunkety boogie woogie sells this cultural mashup WITHOUT guilt, if you can believe that.

The New Christy Minstrels, perhaps, circle the square with the most straight-laced, happening burst of vocal joy to get us in the tree-hunting mood: 1963’s “Christmas Trees.” Resist, ye hipster, and be of sorrow.

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: Run Forest Run

Evergreens don’t lose their leaves, so they don’t really ‘die,’ so they’re just like my immortal bra Christ. Or maybe it’s Druidic and celebrates the animus of dendritic growth. Anywho, someres after Protestantism began, firs in the shape of wreaths and room-fitting saplings were brought inside to help elaborate, expand, and freshen up the smell of the celebration of God’s gift to man.

And we’re not just stuck on parodies of ‘Tannenbaum’ here (a nod to the Germanic origins). There’s a dumpload of songs about the greenery of the party. Many I’ve already linked (and may link again).

So let’s go down to the woods today and be sure of a big surprise. From The Magic of Christmas come The Magic of Christmas Singers with “Christmas in the Forest.” This Killarney come-on somnolently celebrates gnomes worshipping Christ. Right.

Just as mystically Welsh Coleggwent Musical Theatre presents a riverdance glee club “Proudly in the (Christmas) Forest.” Their precision and harmony are dumbfounding, but it’s like watching computer programming for the joy it brings.

More family friendly is the traditional Russian “The Forest Raised a Christmas Tree.” Oddly i can’t find this in English. So try a swinging jazz rendition from The Children’s Studio.

Finally let’s light up the Renaissance folk song popularized slightly by Joan Baez. “Down in Yon Forest” reveres JC’s aborning, but it’s so swaddled in symbology (not a real forest after all) this dirge riddles more than celebrates. Enjoy.