Year-round Yuletide oddities
Some parties stink of uncoolness.
The Withers score with more up-to-the-minute pop parodies in their “Christmas Party.” BLUE ALERT it threatens your attendance.
Yet the promises of ‘jello, red angry jello’ make us consider it–even if we’re the only ones to show up. Please follow the bouncing Santa into Koo Koo Kang Roo’s “Please Come to My Christmas Party” to see for yourself. It’s synthed retro pop, so dress accordingly (elf suit!).
Let’s call the whole thing awful and celebrate Something. (Or is that what they want you to think?)
Leave it to Devo to defuse the bomb with “Merry Something to You,” an inclusive electronic welcoming mat of weirdness. Deedle deedle deet dee.
There are enough black in the USA that it’s not all straight-up straight laced. Black culture includes Republicans, thugs, choirboys, and brain surgeons. So. Are there outlier Kwanzaa songs? How weird does it get?
Kev Choice tries cacaphonous rap with his “Kwanzaa Song.” Sounds like anyone who could pick up an instrument did. But it’s upfront.
Deuce the Emcee samples out trad R+B Xmas music to back his mad rap “Harambee It’s Kwanzaa.” Seizure inducing.
Pop tribal from Steve Cobb & Chavunduka, “It’s Kwanzaa Time” starts out sweetly, then comes the frogmouth (is that s’pose pass for Louis Armstrong?), then the motor-rap (Bobby McFerrin?). Cartoon values for the season. Drum solo for an anticlimactic finish.
Georgia Anne Muldrow gets experimental pop with layered vocals and bells, bells, bells in “The Kwanzaa Song.” (I wish creative oddness extended into title making.)
Experimental reggae from Luqmann Ruth, “Kwanzaa Song” is inspirational, recreational, and crazy weird.
More Xmas adjacent subject matter. I figured snowmen would be a week out of the month of snow songs, but they are never-ending. I even got a book about their history (last Christmas). (Apparently elaborate sculpting was much more the style until just over a hundred years ago.) And they’re such nice stand-ins for all aspects of humanity.
E.g. “Chris Farren’s Disney’s Frozen” by loveable nudnik Chris Farren (feat. Anika Pyle & Sean Bonnette). Funky folk about a naive young lover. Kwicher bitchin. (Caution: no corporate mouses were harmed in the lyricizing of this song.)
Other famous snowmen are riffed in Heywood Banks’s “Frosty the Bluesman.” One chill dude.
More hauntingly high pitched, Steven Courtney conducts children choir through “Snowman on the Hill.” Family life beckons, what will you choose?
The Withers roll up the parody pitch here with their “Frosty.” Spooky! Dusty!
Nasty time with Matt Roach. “Frosty’s Carrot Stick” is about a tuff roller who’s alt ready to get into it. Chill!
Continuing to dude up the demographic comes Dr. BLT. “Chillin’ with Frosty” is some funky fun.
Dumb anti-semitism from The Bob and Tom Show with “Irving the Snowman.” It writes itself!
Even more bro-tastic, Jesse Maximum, JMaq of Shark Uppercut, cuts up with “Frosty the Bro Man,” a hip hop gnarly duke out, and then synths up “Metal Frosty” as the nightmare you weren’t prepared for.
From the feminine viewpoint, sex can be measured in disappointment. And no better example is that of underrated Mrs. Claus. Does she even have a name? (Well, but, how many?!)
SNL’s Aidy Bryant showcases a “Please Skip Christmas” song about her neglectedness. Nice try.
Brazzers (uh oh) presents “A Lonely Milf at Christmas,” a not-so-blue jazz number with an extended intro and overlong outro and middling talent (Kagney Linn Carter).
With even less quality, but more depravity comes Rico Loco and “A Booty Call for Mrs. Claus.” Country Western porn.
I believe we’ve basked in the superior parody of Bob Rivers’s “Me and Mrs. Claus.” Giggle giggle.
Tau is into “Ms. Claus” and goes electropop to raise your eyebrows. Re-owr.
Let’s keep you in the mood with even more exciting Xmas tunes that’ll lift your pants.
Allstarbandit elctro-Djs “Dirty Horney (Under the Misteltoe)” as a dance experiment in lusting up the joint. I give it a 7, Johnny: i don’t unnerstanem, but i can bump2it.
“Horny at the Holidays” by dadaists Barnes & Barnes might cool your jets. Ironic eroticism is curious, but offputting.
Santastic is a labor of love by DJs, mashup artists, and the like, sampling all the hits to recreate new experiences for you and yours at the holidays. Mousee T and The Dandy Warhols are spliced up for “Horny Christmas” as doctored up by Loo & Placido off the Santastic 6 album. It’s easier to just lissen up.
Some of this anti-Christmas sentiment features Backwards Jesus, otherwise revered as Satan, who intends to kill (and eat) the newborn Savior–for the holiday.
Medeia’s “Antichristmas” scourges happiness with their patented metal. Pass the baby blood. BLUE ALERT
Ice Nine Kills (also BLUE ALERT) continues the sentiment, pasting pop over metal with “Merry Axe-Mas.” Jinkeys, that’s up the butt.
CeDigest also juxtaposes melodic with menacing in “Antichristmas.” Probably BLUE ALERT, for all i can tell. Blasphemy, anyway.
Icon Park stays unmusically electronic with their “Antichristmas.” Mumbling about the luminous wintry scene hides the evil. Oh. No.
Toss your cookies, Ralph! We know you’re sick when you puke, barf, vomit, upchuck, or chunder. And we’ll give you space enough to drive the porcelain bus.
Enough of that! April Smith and the Great Picture Show are merely metaphorical with “Christmas Threw up All Over You.” This is kiddie ragtime expressing concern in how you overdo the season. As if.
But Arrogant Worms spews a great big band electronica “Dad Threw up on Christmas Day.” Man, that’s tasty novelty!
Not too many songs about wintry women’s wear (despite a half a song called “Song About a Christmas Dress” by Puppi, a puppeteer gang of mindtwisters), so i’ll settle for some near-misses of some quite listenable lullabies.
It’s a Cover Up techno pops a dance requirement with “Red Dress.” It’s on a Christmas album, so it should spin your next holiday bash. But, not so much with the season’s reasons.
It’s all sexy fashion for Melleefresh and Rik Assfalg, but the techno disco pop of “Red Leather Suit” drips of holiday hookups. Warning: it gets explicit.
Rick and Morty‘s creator’s earlier brilliant-but-what’s-the-demographic? sitcom was not known for breakout songs, but attention must be paid to these study group misfits during the holidays.
The 2010 stop motion episode ‘Abed’s Uncontollable Christmas’ brings it.
The “Intro Song” is a takeoff of The 88’s series opening music this time with Xmas.
The characters turn into Christmas claymation tropes and have a couple memorable 3-line songs for characterization, including “Brittabot” and “Christmas Douche.”
The meaning of Christmas is put together in the show stopper “That’s What Christmas is For.” John Oliver! Christmas pterodactyl!
The next year is about singing Xmas for Glee club. To win over the surly main character, the Jewish nerd girl sings “Annie’s Christmas Song.” Brother, that’s jazz striptease junk with Betty Boop botheration.
The overlooked housewife gets a big gospel (half) number with “Happy B-Day, Jesus.” Go tell it on the lafftrack.
The actual “Community Glee Club” performance is a sad throwaway about how the hot blonde is tone deaf.
“Troy & Abed’s Christmas Rap Battle,” however, convinces the Asperger’s kid and the conflicted cool athlete to celebrate a holiday they would otherwise disdain. Much prettier, or at least much faster.
Comedy gold from those boys finally in order to convince the geriatric in “Baby Boomer Santa,” an addictive song about the evolution of St. Nick through musical genres. An American Pearl.