Category: country sort of

Care to throw whatever you call Country-Western at the subject?

Square dance calling to a rhythm machine should turn me on, but “It’s Almost Christmas” by Harold Rippy is mesmerizing in a traumatic way. It’s almost 1970 cop drama TV series theme music.

Mike Aiken gets much more drawly and vapid for his “Almost Christmas.” A shopping list of cliches, a singsong guitar tune… done.

More guitar virtuosity from Harold Morton heralds a better vocal arrangement in “Christmas is Nearly Here.” Again, details–no picture. But that may be the most we can hope for from this industry.

When should you be home for the holidays? When it’s ‘almost’ Christmas. Well, get going….

Kristin Cifelli takes us to a homelike feeling with the Millennial angst of having one’s own place to celebrate in and how alien it feels with “Almost Christmas.” Bangin’ old folk style.

Also folk-bent, “Almost Christmas” from Danny/girl brings us [from the ‘Stick Man’ EP] to the domesticated domicile of yore. Heavy sigh. (The good kind, man.)

Reliving childhood, Jason and James Dake offer a pop folk feeling of nostalgic protection. “Almost Christmas Morning” is a warm hug. (Even the cat gets a stocking!)

Darryl Worley’s “Just Around the Corner” gives home the country-western treatment. Plenty of welcome, probably some guns. Honkytonk steaminess, so i’ll have two.

Could that mall Santa be some kind of evildoer?

Billy Bob Junior seems to be more negligent of sense than criminal when he hollers the redneck epitaph “Hey Y’all, Watch This!” as a rent-a-Santa. As told by Slidawg & The Redneck Ramblers.

Would you rather be a grind mall Santa or have a grand mal seizure? Think about it….

Hot Buttered Elves garage rock the never-ending beat of the “Department Store Santa.” Existential Advent.

Brad Haley drawls from home “Santa on the Corner of 5th & Main.” No fortune or fame… is it even really Santa? Country sorrow.

The poor orphan “Christmas Carol” asks the department store Santa if she can have a real home for Christmas. Jim Jensen takes the country pledge and… well, I do believe you can see what’s coming–if you’d just stop crying for a sec.

Greg Wilson brings in an old country weeper about that old guy what gets no respect, the “Dime Store Santa.” Paid his dues, did his part, tried his best. But then he died. How is that fair?

Just like some kids love the trip to the mall to see Santa, some mall Santas love to answer the calling of living the dream.

Mickey Rooney attempts to capture the early years in the Bass Rankin TV special groaner ‘Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town.’ All the tropes get discovered including what will come true “If You Sit on My Lap Today.” It’s so deadly serious a showtune, the young tune out of the show.

The Heebee-Jeebees admit to being a regular guy who just can’t wait to be stood in line for as a “Shopping Mall Santa Claus.” Country stomper humor.

The super-supenseful stomach-jumping season of Xmas can be seen on the faces of the children daring to wonder and want. That line leading up to the mall Santa is dense with dreams.

See if you can listen to JP Hoe’s earnest emo “Shopping Mall Santa.” I highly recommend this cazh-pop romp as he delves deeper and deeper into daring desire.

Cardoors tootle out some old world folk warning of childish list-making. “I’m Gonna Sit on Santa’s Lap” is declarative but off-putting.

Eddy Arnold adds some disaffected country twang to usher the boys and girls for “Sittin’ on Santa Claus’s Lap.” It’s Lawrence Welk-worthy oompah. But with the best intentions.

What better way to celebrate lights at Yuletide than to make a present out of them? Symbolism capitalism synergy.

Most hilariously, The Saturday Night Live cast (feat. Emma Stone) poke at that sore tooth of “The Christmas Candle” as a trash gift that gets you off the hook of the thought that counts. (Pay attention to the lotion-pairing advice, though.) Smarmy gospel girl-pop.

Most oddly, The Mystic Cowboys wonder if you’d like a “Stoplight for Christmas.” Literally. (Except, they’re cowboys, so… layers.) Fun alt-western.

For some, Christmas lights is the Big Show, wait we’ve been waiting for all year, the true meaning of peace on Earth….

The cast from Bob’s Burgers bring the tolerance with a metaphor of enjoying lights of all colors diva-channeling “Twinkly Lights.” Here, enjoy a minute & a half of context before the Todrick Hall showtune.

Also making a big production out of bulbs, Jennifer Paige jazz rocks the showtime “Lights, Camera, Christmas.” Get ready….

For others, the lights are all we got. “Camouflage and Christmas Lights” returns to the blog, because Rodney Carrington’s song is good enough. And because Duck Dynasty‘s The Robertsons covered this country treacle.