Category: country sort of

Drunk as a Fiddler’s Bitch for the High Holidays

Perhaps a bit more conciliatory, Bob Nevin diagrams the road to ruin with his “Drunk this Christmas” half heartedly. It doesn’t seem like a done deal, but that may be the folk-rock talking. I think a kind word to the gentleman might change his mind.

Great White Caps also is unconvincing while the lead singer’s voice cracks and changes through the stress of living up to the garage rock band image. These partiers in “I’m Gonna Get Drunk for Christmas” appear to be giffing through the motions. Or they can’t really sing.

Paul Sanchez slows it way down with gentle jazz for his apologetic “I Got Drunk this Christmas.” It’s not the blues, but it sounds like he’ll wake up with them tomorrow.

The Dan Band has ulterior motives for disappearing the drinks: “Get Drunk & Make Out This Christmas” explains how a man builds up the courage to negotiate for the gift he wants. Some uncoordinated unwrapping ensues. Pop country Irish candy.

 

Besotted for the High Holidays

Watch’a got planned for Christmas? Bottles! Yea verily, it’s a tradition to buy, imbibe, and belch up the birthday of Godboy. Or, more often, it girds the loins of those unwilling to face family, loneliness, and a general lack of purpose while trudging through black, bleak, endless nights.  Bottoms up!

Dave Hutchins captures the blues while rock-beating on his guitar for a better than average amateur offering “I’ll be Drinking for Christmas.” Hutch knows.

More thoughtfully folk Scott Gagner jazzes up “I’ll be Drinking This Christmas.” It’s a spiraling snowflake of a song, so more sipping than slurping over the barstool, fellas.

Kristian Bush (it’s a guy) spells it out eff-ay-em-eye-ell-why (let’s deal with calamitous Christmas clan clashes later) in a modern country carol of high production values. When songs like “Thinking about Drinking for Christmas” sound this good i tend to hear encouragement to excess drinking, but to each hic own.

Consume-mas Quantities: dinner bells

Time to dine for the Lord! Some suggest the solstice holidays are the time to binge on the big feast so you’ll be able to last until you can gather, plant, scavenge, or shop for more. Dinner is that big excuse for all the relatives to gather, what else are you going to do with all those uncertain uncles and cousins–mingle?!

May we bow our heads and  throw down the big meal right at the start with the big guns.

Tennessee Ernie Ford was a Country Music Hall of Famer best known for ‘Sixteen Tons,’ though around here we admire his booming bass for his come-to-Jesus gospel numbers. “Christmas Dinner” may be overproduced, smothering his country drawl with too many instruments, but the boy’s oodles and oodles of charm calls us to the table. Let’s eat!

Bing brings it to the middle classes with “Christmas Dinner, Country Style.” Hoe down music can’t jug this smooth crooner. Slumming down to this mischievous mish mash of big band music made surbubans feel superior. Join in!

Sweet Christmas! candy 3

Yeah, there are gonna be some condescending tunes here; adults really like lisping and stuttering and speaking with ersatz brain damage to mimic kids–it’s so fun!

Perhaps Fern’s warble is old age creeping in. But her “Christmas Candy” whispers tremulously with school marm sternness that suggests it’s okay, just this once, to binge on sugar.

Phil Coley is the traditional kids’ singer with his slow, monotonous, sing-song doggerel. Hey, it’s catchy. And there’s hairdo mayhem.

Sweet Christmas! candy 2

1960s children’s jazz for Christmas! Huzzah!

Five Christmas compilations from Peter Pan records proclaimed to be Snoopy’s Christmas album from 1968 to 1972. No artists are accredited, but they usually got labelled Peppermint Kandy Kids or some such moniker. From 1970 and 1972, here is “Christmas Candy.” Stay tuned for the music to switch from good for you light operetta to swingin’ bossa nova. Grue-veigh.

1950 children’s music for Christmas! More loud cheers!

Jimmy Wakely is one of the last singing cowboys. Margaret Whiting hit big in the ’40s with ‘That Old Black Magic,’ and ‘Moonlight in Vermont.’ She was slightly more famous, her dad wrote ‘On the Good Ship Lollipop.’ But together they hit big in ’49 with the country tune ‘Slippin’ Around.’ Here is “Christmas Candy” by them together–so full of molasses that toys don’t even matter!

Jesus Christ! overwrought

Do you believe scripture and verse about the night in the barn and the virgin birth?

Some songs lean on the lesson a bit too hard and become a bit… shall we say ‘camp’?

It’s country-time harmonizing like the church choir when The Gatlin Brothers pull every loose thread out of the robe of “Sweet Baby Jesus.” They so mean it!

Kingdom Heirs pun up the praise with “Hay Baby.” Fiddlin’, yet serious  fun!

The Statler Brothers poker face the cheese corn out of “Who Do You Think?” Catch the oompah beat and feel the years pass you by!

The Oak Ridge Boys, earnest emissaries of evangelicalism, head the list of the country crown slingers (George Strait, Blake Shelton and Kelly Clarkson, Trisha Yearwood, Alan Jackson, Kathy Mattea, Lee Ann Womack, and Keith Whitley) who have heralded “There’s a New Kid in Town.” It uses vernacular to revere the Almighty: swoon you must.

Jesus Christ! poorly worded

Some seriously adoring songs about the Only-Begotten come out all wrong. “Let’s Make a Baby King” takes the punning penchant of CW song writers and makes us regret liking down home humor. Seriously, guys?

I like Jesse Winchester‘s rocking country take. Can barely hear the words.

Hard driving bluegrass from New Grass Revival takes the sting off, as all good bluegrass should. Still creepy.

It’s a woman’s job, I guess, to bear the brunt of the unfortunate turns of the the word and the world. Wynona Judd has a smokey whiskey–almost dangerously earthy–version you should consider. Then find someone to confess to.

Jesus Christ! the ‘rents

A newborn means new parents. Mary and Big Joe get some good screen time in the story of the Nativity, but few enough songs about them… just stable scenery for magi and drummers.

Tim McGraw has a gentle country ballad about “Mary and Joseph.” Don’t quote chapter and verse here, I think he takes some liberties (makes ’em sound kinda white if you ask me). Pretty song, though.

Jesus Christ! cw birthday party

Many peoples in many languages offer up birthday thanks for this time of the year. Some odd translated versions haunt me. Nassiri keeps to twenty words or so to sing “Happy Birthday Jesus.” Lots of multicultural kids help. Rashid M. Khan has more cool, less English with his “Well Come Jesus” song, shades on, away in a mantra.

In our country Reba tells the kids to hush up while she narrates the True Meaning of Christmas. Fortunately she also sings about presents in time for the X-Man, offering “Happy Birthday Jesus (I’ll Open this One for You).” Somehow i see her waving around a Coors when she says that.

Merry Mistletoe: Hale, Anderson, BLUE ALERT

Lynn Anderson retros the CW with “Mr. Mistletoe” turning a harmless tradition into a suburb or lust and lies.

Lucy Hale (from TV) pops country with her “Mistletoe.” It makes me think all possible lyrics combinations for the subject are already used up.

Then I stumbled over potty-mouthed Kyle Dunnigan. His “Fuck You Mistletoe” has given me the strength to go on, or at least listen to more country scrying subtext.