Category: Childrens

Already dug up all the coal we need years ago, but since then–well, kids have still been naughty.

Smokey Katie’s “Donner Took a Shit in Your Stocking” adds country to injury with drawling, insult, and revenge. Throw this shit out.

Lil Poverty Angels reveal what’s worse than coal in their free styling “Poop in the Christmas Stocking.” ¡Ay, caramba!

Murphy’s Lawyer jazzes up the tempo with the kidsong “Santa Pooped in My Stocking.” At least he knows he deserved it. (Candy corn!?)

It’s not the footwear so much that matters as what’s inside!

“What’s in That Stocking” is another elementary school mishegas of mumbling musicality from Teresa Jennings and Plank Road. God love ’em.

Jet Baker checks his mantle settings and finds there’s “Weed in My Stocking.” Spoken, unplugged, uncensored.

Look what you’ve got in your stocking now; Look what you’ve got in your sock; What will you find in your stocking now? excites Charles Connolly with his jazzy easy listening: “Santa’s on His Way.” I say, let him.

The Caroleers get kidsong serious when they’re “Gonna Hang Up My Stocking and Fill It Full of Dreams.” What exactly do they expect is gonna be in there–?

What goes IN the stocking?

Perhaps only a mess of stuff wads nicely in your stocking. “STOCKING STUFFERS, A Rock Operetta” from Robot and Viking (Dirthippy Productions) is an amateur mishmash of rock Xmas cliches and movie samples. It’s that music your parents think is ‘noise.’

What’s a “Stupid Stocking Stuffer“? It’s not candy, or toys, or money… but it grows on trees! Dave & Steve Sundstrom will kidsong you the answer.

Fingerpopping and syncopating, Anna Waronker wants to “Stuff My Stocking (Steakhouse Version)” with you. It’s seductive, but not dirty at all. (I think.)

Todd McHatton instructs us on how best to enjoy all those little (breakable!) goodies “In Your Stocking.” Lively kidsong rock. Let’s get it done.

Is a Christmas stocking automatically a GOOD thing?

C’mon back! Zack lampoons Toby Keith’s ‘Red Solo Cup’ with a comparison of how good is his “Red Christmas Sock” compared to his brother’s dumb blue one. Cool.

Ruth Duncan screeches and warbles about potatoes and onions and coal (maybe on top of a jewelry box!) in the breathless kidsong “Christmas Stocking.” Forget about it, it’s magic.

“Leon the Christmas Stocking” loves his job, but hates his name. Until Santa read it backwards! Loud kidsong. Santa’s a miracle worker!

Each Xmas stocking is individual, except for those clearance items at Target.

Tom Paxton folk sings kidsong about his “Christmas Stocking“… and his sister’s, too. He’s REALLY looking forward to all the treasures he’ll find there Christmas Day–including a tree (?).

“Two Little Stockings” is Tim Dinkins’s old style country chatty tragedy. In this little boy tragedy, he wants to help out a poor girl he’s sweet on.

“Three Stockings By The Tree” by Joe Egan is endearing new parent vibing all over slow pop music. A new addition will need another stocking! Awww.

I, Greyhound sings it straight with “Baby’s First Christmas.” It won’t care about the stocking, but will shit all over the place. Folk from the hip.

“The Christmas Stocking” by The Caroleer Singers and Orchestra turns out to be many different sizes and shapes from many different places. One to a customer, though. This kidsong takes you around the world.

Perhaps the original Saint Nicholas tossed treasure in through open windows (in December?) which landed in socks, but when did kids start hoisting old bits of clothing up onto furniture (bedposts)? Certainly after Clement Clarke Moore’s 1823 poem. But all that means is: A) Santa’s too busy to wrap, and 2) Santa only gives teeny tiny gifts. A pony isn’t going to fit in a stocking, bruh.

Let’s start with the hanging of the footwear!

“Hanging Up My Christmas Stocking” is the middle-of-the-road country mush from James McKillop (for charity!) about happiness and joy, everyone!

A righteous tutorial from Sam Scola (with weird throat harmony) points out how to hang “My Christmas Stocking.” It goes by pop music fast, so get your note-taking pencil now.

“Let’s Hang a Stocking Up” is a better pop kidsong due to an authentic RnR backbeat (and great snare action) from Katy & Kiki. Go, Ozzies, go!

Not fluent kidsong from SKG kids seems to (want to) educate, but “I Hang the Stockings” is a tough read. Good kickline music. Oh, brother.

Chuck from Rugrats begins a kidsong spoof with Santa on the rooftop, but then “Oops, Santa Got Stuck!” What a revolving development!

Lugubrious folk from The Kind of Christmas You’d Expect parlays the epic “Stuck in the Chimney” into an upsetting and affecting scene.

Kenne Highland & His Vatican Sex Kittens​ gets stuck, begging “Can I Please Crawl Down Your Chimney?” in a hard rocking carnal way.

More child assembly school stuff: “There’s a Big Red Fella in the Chimney” is contributive fun with a vaudevillian backbone. From Hal Leonard. And kids everywhere.

You don’t understand the Christmas chimney concept yet?

I don’t understand Lone Bronco’s folk with harsh banjo “Down the Chimney.” Is it childishly revelatory? Is it thinly veiled prurience? Is it just kidding around? Gooseflesh!

Santa’s confused in The Giltchin’ Gulpers’ spoken word spiral into madness “The Chimney Doesn’t Want Me.” You okay, Kris?

The Twinklers seem to think that Santa arrives in parts. “Throw It Down the Chimney” means the bag. So, does he precede or follow? I don’t get this easy listening disco riddle.

“Who’s That? (Comin’ Down the Chimney)” is kicky kidsong from Will Ulrich. He is really asking you.

Let’s have some F-U-N with some Fireplace – Used by -Nicholas!

Encore! Allison Krauss wants her love to “Shimmy Down the Chimney.” Lite country pop with a disco twang. No, it works.

“Party Down the Chimney” is hyperactive pop from Hiphopmcdougal that will get you up and run you ragged. Whew, i need a nap.

Rodney Crowell uses soul and Delta blues to clue us in “When the Fat Guy Tries the Chimney on for Size.” No points for originality, but stylin’ by a mile.

Ennis Sisters bluegrass rock out with “Coming Down the Chimney,” a kidsong that makes me want to square dance!

Back to the NOVELTY songs, and i mean that in the worst way.

Sonny Bono and Little Tootsie smokescreen their talents with “Comin’ Down the Chimney,” a kidsong of no consequence, save for an odd clip-clop cowboy beat.

“WHEN SANTA CLAUS GOT STUCK IN THE CHIMNEY” written and performed by She And The​ Cat’s Mother is unglued indie electronica that should be avoided to be believed. What are angels singing about?

What’s a chimney for if not for “Climbing All Over Christmas.” Check out The Light with their pop music ADHD.

“Santa is a Chimney Diver” electronicas Error Enter Exit. Heavy Euro-accents, so i can’t tell if they’re condemning or commending.

The Rainbow Bozo lowers the bar with “Santa Pooped Down My Chimney.” How naughty do you have to be?! Lilting kidsong.