As Seen on TV: Animaniacs

A contender for overall best wit for the young, this ’90s Steven Spielberg produced foray into WB Kids attempted to bring vaudeville to the end of the century. Middling results.

The First Noel (parody)” is much more comic than previously sampled songs so far. Punny!

Their pinnacle is their ‘Christmas Carol’ takeoff (Wakkoff?) trying to moralize capitalistic Taxman Plotz, with the songs “Ghost of Christmas Past,” “Ghost of Christmas Present,” and “Ghost of Christmas Future.” Love the all-out orchestration.

As Seen on TV: Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends

An independent TV toon that’s lasted for decades and offered music too, this playground of stereotypes need to work through their childish ways and become stiff upper lipped. And sing about being of use (why do i think of Boxer in Animal Farm?).

Not a follower, but i can tell “Glynn’s Christmas Wish” is later on with the uncanny valley scariness of the computer animation. Nice Brit pop story.

More derivatively carol-like, “There’s Snow Place Like Home” just sells it all the way out. Learn, kids, learn!

Less hyper, “It’s Christmas Time” is a measured consideration of pomp and celebration. Stand straight when you sing this one. Then you’ll get a lump of coal in your throat.

As Seen on TV: Garfield and Friends

Like the Simpsons a bit later, this series began with a Christmas special. The songs in ‘A Garfield Christmas’ are standard fare for cartoons (for A Prairie Home Companion children), tending toward the sentimental.

Worst is “Christmas in Your Heart” reading off discount bin greeting card lines. Skip it.

A Good Ol’ Fashioned Christmas” at the end is middle-of-the-road laundered country pop. I like the jew’s harp though (excuse me: lamellophone).

An interesting music hall ditty by John (Thomas Huge) and Garfield (Lorenzo Music) contrasts the wide-eyed owner with the id-centric cat. “Can’t Wait Till Christmas” is mercifully brief, albeit bouncy.

An unexpected gem is the motor music in the background of the cat spying on the dog. “You Can Never Find an Elf When You Need One” is swung by Lou Rawls, but i like Deena Moore’s instrumental in some courthouse.

The cool cat intro, however, buckles us up to the Garfield zeitgeist: “Gimme Gimme Gimme Gimme” by Lou Rawls is pop Motown without regret.

As Seen on TV: Care Bears

These furry sapsters began as greeting cards, then movie stars. But they did have a TV series.

Oh, and a holiday album (or more): Care Bears Christmas (1982), and then the worse Holiday Hugs and Care Bears: Christmas Eve (both 2004).

Tiny tots may smile for “Holiday Hugs” and its smothering perkiness, but i find it analogous to being beaten with kittens.

Christmas in Care-a-Lot” strives for more hep jazz, but comes off like a porkpie hat on a pile of feathers.

Have a Merry, Merry Christmas” faux-rocks lamely enough to make me want to watch The Wiggles.

The original album

scores higher as a 13 minute story for kids to listen to, despite its arrival BEFORE the Saturday morning cartoon. The “Christmas Theme”

borrows from their own theme, but “Happy Christmas Time”

and “Here Comes Christmas” are a sloppy grinning hippie hug of family folk warmth.

As Seen on TV: Bonanza

This was the second longest running western on TV. But they blessed us with the best TV Western Christmas album of all, Christmas on the Ponderosa, a 1963 concept miracle.

Many will poke fun at big dumb ol’ Hoss Cartwright as when he sings “Deck the Halls” in a harrowing bass. But it’s in the spirit and all, so shut up.

The cast gathers for the second cult hit “Merry Christmas Neighbors.” Bourgeoise judginess.

The better stuff is the old fashioned songs that never caught on, like Pernell Roberts singing “The New Born King.”

And Michael Landon with “Oh Fir Tree Dear.”

There’s some foolin’ around as well with Landon’s “Santa Got Lost in Texas.”

But best is the short fun of Lorne Greene with “Santa Got Stuck in the Chimney.”

As Seen on TV: Mr. Magoo

The blind curmudgeon won animated shorts Oscars in the ‘5os. But when the wealthy jerk got his own TV series in the early ’60s the production company no longer made animation and farmed out the cartoon to a less professional group.

Yet, the 1962 A Christmas Carol adaptation (made by the original United Productions of America) struck gold with Julie Styne and Bob Merrill songs including:

All Alone in the World,” the lament of boy Scrooge at not having a family who cares. Country show tune.

Winter was Warm,” the goodbye of nearly-girlfriend Belle. Diva big band ballad.

Ringle Ringle,” an ode to profit, harmonized by the suffering Bob Cratchit. Snarky childrens’ pop.

The Lord’s Bright Blessing (Razzleberry Dressing),” a contrast of Papa Cratchit’s grace at supper undercut with the kids’ whining about what they have not. Hopeful gospel.

Most fun is the glimpse of Christmas future spying on the working class stiffs who loot Scrooge’s corpse in the music hall “We’re Despicable.”

As Seen on TV: Bugs Bunny

Our American Odysseus, the wascally wabbit, has been a staple of our culture from the ‘thirties. According to Guinness World Records, he (it) is the ninth most portrayed film figure world wide. I guess he’s okay because how he made Mel Blanc famous (many decades later).

A resurgence in Merrie Meoldies/Looney Toons came around with the end of the millennium infantilism that celebrated protracted second childhoods. That’s when most of the Christmas albums that thought it was a hoot to have cartoon voices sing serious carols came out.

The concept album Kwazy Christmas sells a tale of all the talking animals festing at Granny’s house (her of the bird/cat ownership). It’s too hard to say goodbye at the end of the album, so they all goof on “Carol of the Looney Toons Bells.” That taste should give you an idea why we loved/hated all the ADHD we inspired in the ’90s.

A Looney Toons Sing-a-Long came out in 2007 and featured each character cracking wise and performing trads.

But before that, in 2003, a more original (less Mel Blanc, who passed in ’89) album of more original songs (Christmas with the Looney Toons) came out with…

Pepe LePew singing “Christmas in Paree.” This nugget takes its continental time to run the joke song. Bravo.

Tweety Bird singing “I Tawt I Taw Ol’ Tanty Claus” evoking real Blanc-ian mania. Cute, if heavy on sound fx.

Daffy Duck singing “All I Want for Christmas is More, More, More.” Fricative, frenzied fun.

[Both these albums have been recycled in newer releases. ]

The Looney Toons Show from 2002 helped rediscover slapstick if not adult-disapproved violence. “Christmas Rules” brings us excitedly into the new century.

I want to spend some time on real Mel Blanc. One of his last Looney Toons assignments was a 1974 Peter Pan Records album-readalong-book called Holly Daze. He does all the voices, just like in his hayday.

“I Love Snow” is bugs convincing Holly Daze (Yosemite Sam) that winter outside the desert can be cool.

Convincing Jr. Bunny that “Christmas Isn’t Christmas Without Santa Claus” only takes a short song as well.

Perhaps most child friendly, “Do You Believe in Santa Claus?” grays the area between secular and faith. Adorbs!

As Seen on TV: Yogi Bear

Cartoon Art Carney Yogi Bear was a guest-starring cartoon on The Huckleberry Hound Show for a couple years before he got his own title. He may have hummed scat incessantly, but it took a while to get some Christmas songs out of him, the godless beast.

In 1980 the special ‘Yogi’s First Christmas’ was broadcast to mild notice. It’s a contest with an evil dude to save the lodge at Yellowstone Park, or something.

Speaking of irreligiousity, [RERUN] Cindy Bear sings a “Mistletoe Song” about macking on the Yogi, which terrfies and delights Boo Boo bear.

It’s Our Favorite Time of the Year” seems like the same song from the Flintstones, but listen carefully. It’s worse.

The opening number kicks off the whole magilla with a bevvy of guest stars (no Yogi) singing. “Coming up Christmas Time” is a kidddie classic.

As Seen on TV: The Flintstones

This kid-friendly ‘Honeymooners’ aired originally from 1960 to 1966, but plays on forever in many incarnations.

Rerun: In 1964, Fred as Santa sang the picture book Christmas story of “Dino the Dinosaur’s Christmas Tree.” Kiddy kitsch: it’s as good as the show got.

Rerun: The next year an album was dropped featuring the arrested development infants Pebbles and Bam-Bam. It’s all trad carols except for one experimental number, “Snowflake.” Not bad for children’s counterculture lite rock.

Other albums include 1999’s A Flintstone Motown Christmas, with talky intros about getting lost to a Christmas show intercut with songs from The Temptations, and The Jackson 5, and more. Skip it.

Christmas in Bedrock Special Edition (also w/impersonators) cashed in the same year from Rhino Records . It’s amazingly ’80s pop as in “The Flintstone Way” (a shout out from Wilma to give to charity),

and “Sleigh Ride” (Betty’s simple wish to spend time with her hubby instead of getting spendy gifts).

These are working class folk, after all.

But way back in 1977 the holiday special ‘A Flintstone Christmas’ told the story of Fred filling in for a malingering Santa. It had songs, some recycled (yaknow ‘cuz they were so good).

Hope is a Christmas Tree” gets used many years later in a Yogi Bear holiday special. This is mama Wilma’s lullaby to baby P. Yawn, excuse me.

Fred and Barney go gleefully nuts in Santa’s workshop with their “Brand New Kind of Christmas Song.” Only a kid would sing along.

Which One is the Real Santa Claus?” was originally in another Hanna Barbera cartoon special from a few years before. ttipoopfinal has thoughtfully double screened these two for your comparison.

For my money “It’s My Favorite time of Year” has the pathos and hubris the show is most affective for.