Year-round Yuletide oddities
Ellas Otha Bates created a signature ‘hambone’ rhythm that was more than blues and generations wailed on it until rock and roll was born. Bob Diddley today might refer to that five-accent infectious dance syncopation.
As it does when The Tractors go to town with “Bo Diddley Santa Claus.” I see you toe tapping under your desk.
Green songs for the holidays are songs of color. Sadly not all songs of color are by men of color.
“Weed for Christmas” by Jason Sereno slathers comedy all over the hip hop. Weak strain.
Manuel Montes jellyrolls the blues with “Let’s Get High for Christmas.” Loads more fun, but we’re not there yet.
“We Blazin Up” is a Christmas pot rap master from Illuminati Congo that you might wanna mix along to.
Glenn David Andrews lays out the blues Naw’lins style with “Got High for Christmas.” These are the Deltas you are looking for.
Alcohol for Christmas? How ’bout not?
We’ve already had J. Denver ask Daddy to not drink, but the rest of you might resist the elbow bending.
Riesa Rose Harris sings in her kitchen–perhaps as a bulwark preventing the guests from storming the liquor cabinet. “Non-Alcoholic Christmas” is strong country-gospel and she’s got presence. I wish her house had better acoustics.
The Bob and Tom Show presents “We Won’t Get Drunk This Christmas” as a show stopping laugher. It’s a talky roster of regret over vomit, harassment, and accidental violence. You know, the usual. Cue the lafftrack.
Kindevog rip on Tool’s ‘Sober’ with “A Sober Christmas.” Raunchy fun if a touch BLUE.
Jonah Lee rock a “Sober X-mas.” Sobriety here is court ordered, so i guess we laugh at him. Again, a dash of BLUE. (Last minute has outtakes.)
Lunch at Allen’s turns the humor upside down for a melancholic, soulful slow Celtic country number “Sober Up for Christmas.” Damn, now i feel crummy and heartbroken. Well, Christmas is a time for hope and redemption.
We seem to be moving backwards following drunk Santa. The previous post was about the Jolly One in rehab. Did we miss the signs? Of course not. Follow the bouncing tonsils which will sing us the songs of soused Santa.
The Uncle Louis Show discovers “Santa Claus e Ubriaco” in a couple languages. It’s corrida lite, gentle and reverent. So yay for Kris.
Doug and Glenn slide the piano player roll across the floor with their sloshy “Santa Claus Got Drunk.” I think they didn’t get the Transformer they wanted when they were eight and it’s payback time. Ouch.
Cranking up (out) the experimental garage rock The Austins snark out “Santa Got Drunk This Year.” There may be a lot they don’t get. But they are making some music.
Titty Twister Band scream their faux hair metal “Santa and Rudolph are Alcoholics” in a most amusing fashion. Well until they try a Cops skit a couple minutes in.
Rockabilly should help and Brian Eckleberry and Matt Tompkins of Omaha Live! bring it. But “Drunk Santa” is cleared for radio play because it ticks off all the comedy boxes without eliciting actual laughter.
Proper blues from Fathead proclaims “Santa’s Drunk.” This is a raging tune, but clean and within the lines. It’s my kind of funk.
The morning after looms: regret, regurge stains, remembering–not so much.
Merely passing out is one affliction suffered after “Another Drunk Christmas Carol,” a lovely homemade metal bit of play from Death Before Sophistication. I don’t feel so good.
Aftermaths of Christmas drinking include Clashing Plaid with “All I Got for Christmas was Drunk,” a rocking rant that shines with head splitting pride.
Jim Bachmann snarls with country peevishness (and country punnery) for “All I Got for Christmas was Drunk.” He’s picking but not grinning while the world celebrates without him. Poor boy.
Better Off Dead slow down the rhythm with”All I Got for Christmas was Drunk.” But they stay together for some banging light rock melody. All together now.
Start the party, it’s EGGNOG time!
It’s a drinking theme; it’s Xmas; it’s novelty songs here at parody palace… who did you think was going to happen?! Perhaps a pop song parody?
A bunch of college bros got together and flipped Kendrick Lamar’s ‘Swimming Pools (Drank)’ with their own “Christmas Pools (Nog)” which only shows to go ya that this dairy product is selective, seductive, and addictive. Down the hiphop hatch, batch-head.
Just as odd, BLUE ALERT, ‘Jin & Juice’ by the estimable Snoop Dogg gets a twist by Chad Carman with “Eggnog N’ Gifts.” And my mind on my presents, and my presents on my mind. FM morning show fertilizer, folks.
Eggnog is just another easy funny substitute, like the word pants in any Star Wars line. Some parodies, like Kelis’ ‘Milkshake’s moronic falsetto fake-out by NFFD productions “My Eggnog Brings All the Boys to the Ramp.” Don’t. Just don’t.
So, what’s it going to be, buttermilk? Well, try on some Gastronomical Unit! More college boys who really put the extras credit effort into novelty Christmas music throughout the ’90s. Today you may enroll in their Holiday Feast collections–worth it! If “Eggnog #5” doesn’t Lou Bega convince you (with a recipe), then savor homage to Depeche Mode: “Tainted Eggnog.” That’s pure parody power, pal.
Snack time!
If you’re worried about Santa’s sweet-intake, please take the advice of Dr. John. He figures “Mixed Nuts” will power that busy deliverer through the night. Bluesy and cool, this one’s a keeper.
While botanically speaking, take a minute for a cut from an album about flowers. Let me say that again: every song is about a flower! Tulips! Orchids! Mulberries! Rhodo-frickin-dendrons! Self publishing never smelled so good! The Farley Flower Band need a bouquet! But hearken to “The Best Mistletoe Song Ever Made” first. Beware–these guys tell it like it is!
Tigr Moon Bounce go rockin’ ragtime with “All I Want for Chanukah.” It gets ugly. Watch out for the surprise twist ending!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lzi0xzXWkv0
Not all party-goers are cowboys, but are those other Christmas mixers more fun? You be the judge!
For instance, the celebratory song may not be danceable. In yet another musical of A Christmas Carol, the ghost of past out delights Scrooge with his memories of “Mr. Fezziwig’s Annual Christmas Ball.” It’s declamatory and baritone-deaf.
Modernistically, Ringo Starr makes new sound old with his folksy “The Christmas Dance.” I happen to like this unpresupposing little number about getting up the nerve. But i can’t see anyone getting to their feet here. (Listen for the outro symphonic play out, but watch out for that last note…!)
Coy and playful, Iam Whitcomb has brought us a 1920s sweetmeat: “The Candyland Christmas Ball.” The accordion makes it too sinister for me to party.
Considerably worse is a throw-away cartoon kiddies’ crapshow i found in the 1$ bin at Target: “Cinderella’s Christmas Ball.” It’s got a boogie-woogie pianer banging out the better half of the song. Will the Prince search to see who fits the discarded Christmas stocking…?
Considerably gross is Ren and Stimpy crooking an ankle for the Muddy Mudskipper’s Ball with their “Happy Holiday Hop.” It’s gross to the mass.
Now that i’m bummed, let’s follow Bessie Smith from her party at the Darktown Strutters’ Ball to arrive fashionably “At the Christmas Ball.” It’s slow and low feeling, but i can close dance to it. Real good, i can. Leon Redbone updates this to the “Christmas Ball Blues.” But i like that 1920s’ authenticity.