Category: altrock

Prayer Lights

We like to aim our prayers upward, but God’s everywhere right? Must be that glowing gaseous center of the solar system that acts as a relay station or sumpin.

“Every Light that Shines at Christmas” is the shouty gospel rafter raiser we’ve been expecting. Ernie Haase & Signature Sound add country rock rhythms to keep us salivatin’. Praise wattage!

Truth wants you to “Light a Christmas Candle” with their sax-driven country pop in order to honor, you know, everything.

The Robert Shaw Chorale ups the church factor with “Break Forth, O Beauteous Heavenly Light.” This is probably just that star we discussed last month, but I dig the part about putting Satan in his place with the light. Bazinga!

Kathleen Mikkelson alt-sermonizes with “Light Broke Through,” a strangely cynical take on doubters when the lights came on Christmas morning. Just look, everyone!

Shine etc. Star

That Year Zero Star that begat our calendar of forgiveness, it shines. Boy Howdy, does it. And other stuff, too.

Canadian grocery chain Sobeys spins a “Star of Christmas” jingle every year. This star doesn’t merely shine up there, but within us! Sing-along propaganda.

“Fix Your Eyes Upon That Star” proselytizes Lisa Bevill. ‘Cause it shines. Everywhere. Gentle country gospel.

Empire of Sleep’s “Star” does its fair share of shining and hiding. It also JUDGES. Don’t leave us alone! Emo alt.

ël-No, the twenty-ninth

Christmas isn’t happening because I died, okay?! No Xmas for the ex-person.

Aged big band aficionado Jerry Drake brazens his way through the MIA tragedy “The Boy Who Missed Christmas.” No, it’s not a Christmas song at all. It’s barely a song.

Alto soaring, Nick Dache doesn’t have much to say after a near-death experience, except for apologizing for the “Empty Christmas.” Too much acceptance, not enough denial, dude. Light alt fun, tho.

ël-No, the twenty-eighth

Credit where credit is overdue. We all enjoy Christmas because of–? Well, JC may have rebranded an ongoing festival… Santa only came into the equation late… Hmm.

“If It Weren’t for Girls, There Would be No Christmas” croons The Want to a peppy rock backbeat. Sure, it tries a bit too hard and as such overcompensates with stereotypes and some back-handed flattery. But who else is taking the time to appreciate, i ask you?

Baby It’s Coal: origins

One of the oddest traditions of Christmas is how bad children still get a little sumpin in the form of a lump of coal.

Let’s not rehash the various histories that various nations claim to originate this Santa shenanigan. Let’s dwell in the hearth that laments and lauds this practice until we finally get into the ore of the mine.

Although previously hailed as a novelty masterpiece, The Killers (w/Jimmy Kimmel) open our journey from the POV of “Joel the Lump of Coal,” allowing us to see the peripeteia the innocent may project over the mean machine of Christmas to a happy ending. Love that alt-pop.

Born this Day, twenty-four (Son of Man)

The birthday traditions include making a wish. What would Jesus wish for?

Since January 2009 Jonathan Mann has contributed to his Youtube channel ‘Song a Day,’ so there’s a lot to chew on there. Let’s focus on (no, not his rock opera based on Super Mario Brothers) his “Happy Birthday Jesus” Song #3988 which he has retooled once or twice and then dropped on his 2019 album Jewish Family Christmas Tree. Lessons to be learned, li’l ones, pay attention.

Born this Day, nine

Eytan Mirsky, Zoenda McIntosh, and Matt Brown are The Decemberishes, a you-don’t-know-them small potatoes self publishing rock/pop group from L.A. But they’ve broadened our calendar with “December Birthday Song,” pointing out how pretty much any day of that month is overshadowed by green and red. You’re lucky if you get a text on YOUR day.

Merry Criminals! bank robbery

Apart from some footage of bank jobbers in Santa-guise, the idea of robbing a bank around Christmas is ludicrous. Banks aren’t even open at Xmas!

Overkill has a poppy naughty bit of B&E with their “Xmas Song.” There may be masks and guns and crews so let’s include this lovely novelty here. (The song ends halfway through with a gasp of a BLUE ALERT then reprises. ‘Sworth it.)

So Souveniir’s “Christmas Bank Heist,” while emo alt-fun, may not involve any actual crimes… maybe arson. But it may be the fever dream of another disaffected loser. Still, weee.