Category: altrock

Not all songs about Christmas shopping are great music.

The Olympics have a disco soul party with “Santa Claus Boogie in the Shopping Mall.” But to what geriatric end?

Shorty Garrett impersonates rockabilly with cheap equipment in “Shopping Shopping Shopping.” We’re laughing at you, Shorty.

Blake Jone & The Trike Shop go agenda-mad with “Christmas Sale.” Apparently it’s two-faced to spend money for Christ’s aborning–wait, wait, not done yet–WHILE being mad at big box department stores for not calling it a ‘Christmas sale,’ but only a ‘holiday sale’ (or something something… hang on, is this something?). Cool indie irony, but ya got me twirling.

You want Christmas tree symbolism? I’ll give you something to represent!

TEMPORARY JOY.

Dr. Dog tinkles on his great-aunt’s pianer with some alt folk sentiment about how much “Oh My Christmas Tree” does for such a brief time.

Crappedy crap crap time of year… then just the right greenery and a “A Tiny Tree Christmas” cures all that ails you. For now. Thanks, Ryan Miller, Guster.

Bobby Curtola has a 1964 dreamy pop dream how “My Christmas Tree” would save the world. With love and peace and cetera.

Heart Crimes consider a “Christmas Tree” so seductive as to be the gateway to hard candy. Pop fun.

Pretty much the whole Christmas thing centers around and “Round and Round the Christmas Tree.” Bing’ll tell ya. He knows.

Or listen to the Australians. Peter Senior lists out all the cool fun stuff that tweaks the fun-happiness in us all, including “The Christmas Tree.” ‘Billy rock.

STUFF & THINGS.

Moments, blessings… these are the flashbacks Briana Kay seizes on when sniffing her next “Christmas Tree.” Potent sorcery conjured by plodding country.

My God, my life, and my family stare out at Lauren Flauding when she takes in the wonder of “My Christmas Tree.” Introspective piano bar builds a strong defense against it just being a tree.

Jonathan Mann may get a bit random sometimes, but his comparison of “Christmas Tree” bliss to Dakota Access Pipeline nastiness stands out. Falsetto blues.

“I Love a Christmas Tree” posits Donna Cutler with gentle rocking. It’s all about peace and love and stuff.

Always room for one more awful song. Having belonged to a let’s-be-offkey group myself, i must give consideration to Mesforum’s “Christmas Tree.” What you see is… well, what is it?

JUST, WELL, EVERYTHING!

“Everything is One Big Christmas Tree” by Magnetic Fields may rely on a Germanic chorus, but surely you’ll feel the joy of this alt rock disenfranchised leap of faith. Yea, Xmas Tree!

Some of these Christmas trees got names. Does that make you regret stuffing them in the trash?

“Chris the Dancing Christmas Tree” actually tells about the redeemed artificial arboreal offering. Charles ‘Kingman’ Hardman sells this old world kidsong as AI robotic fun, with no threat to humanity at all.

“Pee Wee the Christmas Tree” from Karen Newsum makes that small tree less pathetic with a name. Maybe a little. He sure wants to get cut. Country.

Preston Penn, oddly, also knows a “Little Pee Wee (Christmas Tree)” who similarly suffers survivor’s remorse year after year while the rest of the forest goes away. Old-timers’ pop.

“Greenie the Christmas Tree” is also too small to make the cut. Barbara E Leigh is singing to that left behind kid in you. Hey, this IS the same pee wee song.

Jeffrey Lefevre wittily rhymes out “Wilby the Christmas Tree.” In a dirge of a holiday polka we learn what this tree will be. (Yours, silly.)

Here’s a tree you may not know. “Freddie the Little Fir Tree” is–all right, it’s the same little guy that wants to be hacked, sold, and eventually discarded. He’s so happy to have a short life! Sigh. But. it’s Gene Autry!

“Mr. Dancing Christmas Tree” might be some excuse for a party, but i believe GT’s kidsong that implies some magic made it come to life one day.

Finally, the change of pace we’ve been scouring for. The Yobs punk up the children’s tune “Tommy the Christmas Tree.” This tree still gives its life for us, but we’re sneering now.

To fully deliver us from jollity, Steven Courtney emos a piano (w/rainfall) ballad of one tree’s over-earnest promise to deliver your best Christmas ever. “Oscar the Christmas Tree” is a bit unsettling, but i sense a sincere artistic effort here to charm. So i am. Wow.

He wants to be your Christmas tree. Dig?

Dispensing with the expiration date John Kolbeck wants to be your “Wild Christmas Tree,” baby. Pop by way of country, but sentimentally sweet. He’s worth the trip to the woods, girl.

Desperate for attention Brent Hardesty goes show stopper with “Her Christmas Tree.” Dude, if she cuts you down, she’s not really into you….

If You need the Cary Brothers they will be your “Christmas Tree.” That will take care of just about everything then, i guess. Tender country rock.

Laetoli Steps gently rocks the garage for their true love, “Christmas Tree.” An emo journey.

Jefferson Pepper juggles metaphors for his lovesong “Christmas Tree.” He feels like one because of your love for him. I guess. Doesn’t end well. Alt fun.

If i’m a Christmas tree, what are you? Like my true love?

Coming on to you hard, Mr. Banzai and The Satin Cowboy ask “O, Let Me be Your Christmas Tree.” Pop with a rock guitar solo.

Fun and flirty, alt pop from Future Kid Sisters mumbles “If I were Born a Christmas Tree,” then i guess all would be cocoa-flavored kisses for me and you, or something like that.

“(I Wanna be) Your Christmas Tree” hints at the temporary relationship Levi Fuller wants to commit to. Kick him to the curb after a month or two! Alt island music.

Black and Blond Music also announce (with jazzy blues) “I Want to be Your Christmas Tree,” but they point out that they’re the best of the nondescript lot of piney nobodies and need your special notice. Yeah, you.

EASHA seems to sublimate her love of the holidays into a simple “Christmas Tree.” Her diva-lite pop also seems to enmasculate that prop into a lover… i think. Ew.

’80s inspired jazz rock set up Irving Jack to back and forth him/her for a fallin’ in love duel/duet in the incomparable “Bam! Slam! Christmas Tree!” You may believe it after you hear it. Maybe.

Where’s the tree of your dreams? Down the street, hanging out on the corner, waving in the breeze, trying to catch your attention like a common streetwalker.

Hilary Marckx has a lot of fun with grassy blues in “Christmas Tree Boogie.” Well, it might be the forest or the lot–just get some!

Gary Wilson is clearly set on buying “A Christmas Tree for Two.” No cutting, just romancing. Although, the disco-asian pop isn’t helping.

Wait, what is that growing in your yard. “I Do Believe That’s a Christmas Tree,” claim The Hot Buttered Elves. With that brand of experimental garage i’d stand back, i would.

Mels Motel’s “Little Christmas Tree Shop” reminds us that the symbolism of anticipation that is the going-for-the-tree could be used for –nearly anything. Indecipherable folk.

And some of these rackets are cut and carry. “Arnie’s Christmas Tree Farm” is alt country hee hawery from Three Day Threshold & Summer Villains. I call shotgun!

The children’s version (with raised voices arguing!) arrives care of Brent & Woofy via “Christmas Trees at Gogo’s Farm.” Boogie woogie at half speed. Is this a commercial?

Money Casholini and The Other Guy make us a parody we can’t refuse: ‘Tannenbaum’ with a wise guy twist. “Oh! Christmas Tree” gives 110% to this money laundering, erm–legitimate biz.

Not enough parody? Reliable Bob Rivers pokes at ‘Rockin” with “Shopping Around for a Christmas Tree.” Makes it seem ridiculous.

Alt rock millennial whining from Vincent Gargiulo nails it down. “Christmas Tree Lot” is the soliloquy of the weary seasonal worker and it just might tug at your heartstrings.